twentysomething

And.... married

2010-05-05T15:23:00.000-07:00

I know everyone in the world tells you that your wedding goes by in a flash, but I had no idea how true it was until it was my turn. I married my best guy on April 10, 2010 on a beautiful spring day in Houston. It was sunny, but not hot, the night breeze felt amazing.... and I was glowing. I never would have thought of myself as one to glow, but everyone said I was absolutely beaming from happiness, and I believe it. The weekend kicked off with a welcome dinner at my sister's home, followed by a bridal luncheon the next day, then rehearsal dinner, then a full day of wedding makeup/hair with all of my favorite females, wedding, and then a post-wedding brunch on Sunday. It was an extraordinary weekend, and it was the joining of two amazing families. Even D, who had really not wanted as large a wedding as we had thanked my mom and I for ignoring him for the past year and a half because we planned the wedding he didn't know he wanted. Everyone had so much fun courtesy of a great band, booze, food, good friends, and feather boas and glow sticks :). Pictures to follow, especially on facebook for my friends.

Then came the honeymoon. Hawaii was glorious. We started the trip in Maui for 5 days, went to the Big Island for 5 days, and then went to Oahu for three days. It was gorgeous, and we had a good mix of active activities and laying around soaking up sun and pina coladas :).

Coming home was so hard..... it's almost like dealing with a post-partum depression. I'm so happy that D is now my husband, and I couldn't love him more, but it's strange no longer having something that took up such a large chunk of my life. I miss my out of town friends that I got to spend quality time with the weekend of the wedding. I miss beautiful Hawaii and not having a care in the world except for cementing our new married bond. Obviously, coming back to work after being out for 2.5 weeks is a rough transition, and I've been working almost straight through since I got home. I have another Saturday workday this weekend, but then I get to take Monday off, which will be nice to get some things done around the house and start working on the millions of thank you notes that we have to send.

Now it's time to look forward to the future and really determine what kind of life we want to lead, where we want to live, when we want to buy a home, when we want to have kids, how will we save our money, etc. etc. They are very grownup decisions, but I'm excited to have a strong and loving partner by my side to enjoy this adventure that we call life.....

Hmm, so there went 6 months

2010-04-05T11:08:00.000-07:00

I realize I haven't blogged for a good 6 months now. I can only blame busyness. My job is great, but it leaves little time for perusing the internets during the day ;).

I'm 5 days out from my wedding. I've had my share of meltdowns over the past 19 months of engagement, but I'm now feeling pretty relaxed. Still have a fair amount of nervous energy, but I think that is excitement and nerves all rolled into one. I really can't believe that it's here. We have been engaged for what feels like forever. Tomorrow is my last day at work, tomorrow night is my final dress fitting, festivities begin on Thursday night, wedding on Saturday, and by this time next week, I'll be on a plane to Hawaii for two weeks of bliss with my new husband :).

This feels like the most grownup thing I've ever done. Probably because it is.

I'm ready to be a Mrs.!!!

Slaps self across face

2009-09-28T14:32:00.000-07:00

I've been bad again, but I hope to be better. I know, promises, promises. I need some follow through!

So, the past couple of weeks have been eventful. I had my biggest work event of the year this past weekend..... and it will be my last one at my current job, because I just got a new job with TNT! I am very excited, this organization is where my true passion lies. I am psyched about being on the inside to make a difference in the fight against blood cancers. I hope that it goes well, I hope that I am successful, and I hope I am a part of the process that gets us to a cure. I start my new job a week from Wednesday, so that means pretty quick turnaround, but it's better not to be idle......

Running has kind of fallen on the back burner as things have been crazy busy, but I am hoping to get back into the groove starting tonight. I am headed home after work to change and go do an easy 30 minute run and some weights. I need to counteract my laziness/tons of M&Ms I ate today. Bad, Bad K.

It's very weird to try and wrap things up in my current position. This was my very first grown up job, and it's strange leaving it. It makes me feel even more like a real grown up. Which I rarely feel like.

This is short, and somewhat boring.... I'll try to make it more interesting soon. I'm wrapping up so that I can leave for the day!

I've been a bad blogger

2009-09-03T10:46:00.000-07:00

I have been the kind of blogger that I like to complain about. I've been neglectful of my readers. Thank, Jill, for calling me out on it ;).

Here's a little life wrap up....

Work: Been busy, we have our biggest event of the year coming up. I'm trying to get my end organized and make sure everything is in place.

Love: Still in it! D and I have been doing well. I luuurrrvvvvv him.

Wedding: Making progress! I booked a florist, bought a veil.... I'm still in search of someone to do my hair. I went and scouted invitations last weekend, and I think I found some that I like. As per usual, I do the scouting, narrow things down, and then present my top pick to D for approval.

Training: We are a month into training, and it's going alright so far. I'm definitely one of the slowest people out there, but that's alright. I AM out there! I've been better about sticking to my training schedule. I try and go right after work in order to prevent the "I'm too tired and want to sit on the couch because it's right there" itis. Half marathoners like myself are doing four miles (with hills!!!) this weekend. Woo! And that leads to the reminder about donating......

Weight: I think I've finally found something that works for me. I've been eating smaller meals more often, and I'm never starving. I try and focus on low calorie, high fiber or high protein snacks to supplement the time in between meals. I dare say I think I'm changing my metabolism, and it's working out for me. Yay! Food is always the biggest roadblock in my quest to slim down. I love it too much.

Not much else to report..... D and I are having some adventures in parenting this weekend. We'll be watching my sister's three kids overnight for the first time. We've done plenty of babysitting and hanging out during the day, but overnight...... Yikes! I hope it goes well. I would like to return all of her children in one piece :).

I'll try and compose a more entertaining, thoughtful piece soon, I just wanted to say wassup to my friends, and I'll be back soon!

I'm back!

2009-08-06T14:22:00.000-07:00

It's been a bloggy break for me, but I'm back. I know there must have been at least four of you that were freaking out!

D and I spent the last week in beautiful Beavercreek, Colorado. But, before getting to the good stuff, let's travel back in time, to Thursday, July 23, a time when innocence was shattered and dreams were crushed.....

Food poisoning. I'd never had it before, and I hope I never have it again. D and I picked up chinese food from Qin Dynasty, a place close to my mom's house. We'd eaten there several times before without incident, but we made the mistake of ordering a new dish that had shrimp and scallops in it. Ug, I should have known from the first bite that it was bad news, but we kept eating. And we got horribly, horribly sick. And I didn't get over the last of my food sickness related "symptoms" (I won't go into detail) until last Friday. A full week later. Major suck.

To make it even better, when D called to report what happened to us and ask for a refund of our meal (all of about $30), the manager he spoke to was vile, accused him of lying, said they had no record of our order (even though we paid with a credit card and have the records to prove it), and startged laughing as D described his symptoms. This. meant. war.

We've reported them to the BBB and the health department. And I'm advising everyone I know to steer clear of that place. This is no time for poor customer service. Major suck on their part.

But, in happier news, we travelled to Colorado and had an amazing week. There was no TV or internet, and it was kind of refreshing to get away from it all. D's parents and grandparents were there, and we got to stay in his cousin's amazing 5,500 sq ft. mountain home. Seriously gorgeous. The views from the road coming up the mountain were spectacular. We drank wine, played board games, read lots of books, went on hikes.... it was a truly relaxing vacation. We got to go into Breckenridge, which is where my family had a home for years till my folks split. It was so fun! We went to the Alpine slide, which is a totally fun cement slide built into the side of a mountain. You take a ski lift to the top, and you ride a toboggan down, with a stick in the middle to control your speed. Of course, the only real fun speed is FAST :). We had lunch at the Breckenridge Brewery, and sampled many delicious local beers. One of my favorite parts of Colorado was all of the awesome local brews that you can only get in that area. MMMMMMM. :)

During lunch at the brewery, I started talking about some of my Breck memories, including how my family and I always used to eat my birthday dinner at a place called the Hearthstone, and I always got the prime rib. Well, D's folks announced that is what we would do the night before my birthday (because we had to leave CO on my birthday). And Hearthstone didn't disappoint! We had an amazing dinner. We started with baked brie and delicious corn soup, I moved on to the prime rib, D had Colorado lamb shank, and I got a double chocolate cake with a candle for dessert. All in all, a perfect birthday dinner.

Sadly, D and I had to return home on my birthday, so the actual day of was slightly lame. D made it better by buying me the hugest card know to man, and surprising me with Swirll with all my favorite toppings :). The trip to CO was my birthday gift, and what a great gift it was. Now I'm 27 and officially old!

Tomorrow is my next round of MD Anderson tests, so think good thoughts for me. I think after this round I got to drop down to only going in every 6 months. Yay! This weekend I'll be attending my first team in training practice. I'm excited, but I am so desperately out of shape. It's embarrassing. Oh well, I do it for the cause, not the glory ;).

Fab McFaberson weekend

2009-07-20T14:00:00.000-07:00

This past weekend was a lot of unexpected fun. Friday night D and I were cooking at home, having a beer, planning a low key night when I got a call from one of my long lost friends from law school, KC. She and my other long lost law school friend, E, were in town from Austin for an event that their firm was having at Armadillo Palace. The firm invited all the offices from around the country to partake in this event. That means free food and drinks all night. We were sold :).

We showed up, and KC proceeded to look through the pile of nametags and pick 2 of the most generic names possible, and gave them to us. D and I were "John and Mary Smith". We soon dispensed with the formality, since no one cared we were crashers, and we ate, drank, danced, and had a merry time. They had a butt caricaturist there. Yes, butt. He drew people from the behind. D and I got a really sweet picture of us with our arms around each other. When the clock struck one am, we turned into pumpkins and headed home.

I woke up Saturday morning with a headache. A headache only to rival the headache of my beloved. After some water and Motrin, I shuttled myself to the gym (I've been on a crazy awesome work out streak!!!) and got my workout in. Saturday night, D and I went over to my friend S's house to check it out. We hadn't seen S in a few months, and his home was great. D declared a craving for shrimp and grits, so the three of us went over to Pesce, and it was delicious. D got his shrimp and FABULOUS grits, and I had herb crusted grouper with risotto (also very good). It was a really nice night and has potentially inspired a city-wide shrimp and grits tour.

Sunday was another wake up and work out day, followed by grocery shopping, and an afternoon of lazy tv watching with D. We checked watched the first two episodes of Hung, a new show on HBO. Like most HBO shows, it was quality. Another keeper for us.

Monday was rough, getting back into the groove is always tough.... but the good news is that I'm headed out of town this weekend for a quick in-state jaunt with a friend, and then next week D and I leave for colorful Colorado!!!!!!!

Shredded

2009-07-15T07:09:00.000-07:00

In an effort to expand my workout repertoire, I've been trying to cross train in order to not get bored of any one workout and build strength. Clearly, I'm going to have to devote the majority of my time to running soon, but I don't want to forget things like strength training and swimming laps.

It's been so freakin hot in Houston that I've thusfar limited my running to twice a week (which will change starting in August), and I'm trying to do something different on other days. I was also looking for a shorter, but effective workout that I could do at home on those days where I didn't have a lot of extra time, and that brought my to Jillian Michaels and the 30 day shred.

Jillian is one of the trainers on the show Biggest Loser, and she's an animal. Very in shape, the type of woman who could probably lift a car over her head (I exaggerate only slightly!). She has created this ridiculous workout program called the 30 day shred. It's only a 30 minute workout, but you are moving the entire time, you are working multiple muscle groups at once, and she combines strength training with cardio and abs. I was skeptical at first that this could be an effective workout, but I'm now a believer. She has kicked my butt the last two nights. Profuse sweating is involved. My body is incredibly achy today, but it's a satisfying ache.

Tonight I return to the great hot outdoors to run with running buddy K. It's hellaciously hot outside, but we've got to do it. There are 13.1 miles to be run, and it sneaks up on your incredibly quickly. Tomorrow is a day off, and then Friday is back to running. On the weekends, D and I head to the gym, where I do some interval running on the treadmill and weights. And I'll throw in some swimming every once in a while when I want to buck the heat. It's working for me for now.

I'm taking a vacation day on Friday because I can, and then saturday I'm buying my veil!!!! Very psyched about this, it will make my wedding "outfit" almost complete. The dress and veil are something new..... any suggestions for old, borrowed, and new?

Friday is my Day

2009-07-10T07:34:00.000-07:00

Oh, sweet, sweet Fridays. I love being on the brink of stepping into the weekend, not waking up early (well, at least until TNT starts!), and having wide open options. Tonight I'm going to hang with one of my best girlfriends, my mom. We are going to grab some drinks and dinner and dish about wedding stuff. It's wonderful to hang out with her, since I try and avoid boring D with wedding details :).

Tomorrow I am getting my FIRST haircut in over TWO years. This is big. It's been about two years since I shaved my head, and it's all grown back, but I've still been so reluctant to cut any off. Part of that is because the front is still shorter than the back and to cut it means that pulling it back is going to be more difficult. But, my little ends are ragged, and so it means that it's time. I'm just going to get a little trim, just a little baby step, and then I'll probably keep growing it out for a while, with interim trims, till the wedding. I want long wedding hair to do.... well, something with. I haven't given much thought to wedding hairstyles, except I think I want it up.

Tomorrow night is the two hour season finale of a show D and I have come to love-- Harper's Island. It's a murder mystery tv show, and it's been really interesting. I'm very curious to see how things turn out. If you missed this one, I suggest renting it if it comes out on DVD. I would have actually preferred to see it that way, one after the other. Waiting for weeks is hard!

Sunday D and I are joining some family friends for dinner, so all in all, a pretty chill weekend with some running thrown in for good measure.

Turning back to last weekend, we went up to Frisco to visit D's parents for his birthday/4th of July. It was definitely nice to getaway, and their backyard is the best place to watch about 12 different fireworks shows in surrounding communities. I love it! We didn't get to go jet skiing this year, which was a bummer, but we relaxed, read books, watched baseball, went to a movie.... a much needed mini getaway.

Speaking of getaways, D and I are going to Colorado for a week at the end of July. *SQQQQEEAAAAAAAA!!!!!!* I'm psyched, I LOVE summers in Colorado, and I haven't been since we sold our house up there right after my parents split. I can't wait for a vacation.

Other than that, it's just work, a little play, and the beast that is my wedding.

I'm officially signed up... now I need your support!!!

2009-07-01T11:24:00.000-07:00

http://pages.teamintraining.org/txg/houston10/klilienstern

Please support the fight against blood cancer.

http://pages.teamintraining.org/txg/houston10/klilienstern

Please support the fight to prevent any more children from having childhood taken away from them by leukemia.

http://pages.teamintraining.org/txg/houston10/klilienstern

Please support the almost one million people battling for their lives.

http://pages.teamintraining.org/txg/houston10/klilienstern

Please support the organization that is probably responsible for my life.

http://pages.teamintraining.org/txg/houston10/klilienstern

Please support me!!!!!

http://pages.teamintraining.org/txg/houston10/klilienstern

I'm ready to be a "mento"

2009-06-24T07:31:00.001-07:00

Anyone remember the episode of Friends when Joey said he wanted to be a "mento" instead of mentor? A lot funnier when he did it. I miss that show, it was hilarious.

Last night I attended my Team in Training mentor training. It was long, but it was cool, particularly when we got to break out and meet the other mentors and coaches from our particular training sites. Everyone was really cool, and I think it's going to be a great season. I'm excited to get to know some new TNT folks. They are always good people :).

As a mentor, I'm going to be assigned a group of runners, and it's my job to check in with them weekly, help them to develop a fundraising strategy, motivate, encourage, and help them to stick with the program. I think the most daunting part for people is the fundraising aspect. If you stick with the training, you will likely be able to do the running part, but it's really tough asking people for money right now. The mentors are going to come up with some fundraisers to help our participants..... I'm really excited. This cause means so much to me (a huge DUH to anyone who reads this regularly! ;)), and I want to make sure we get as many people sticking with the program as possible.

I learned some disturbing things last night about the state of their funding right now. Like every organization out there, the economy has hurt them. They've experienced layoffs, and they have had to cut back funding for both research and patient services. One of the neat things about LLS is they have provided a $500 a year stipend to folks for travel expenses. This can be used to pay the exorbitant hospital parking fees, gas, airfare (because SO many people come from out of town to MD Anderson), hotel.... whatever they want to use it for. Well, they have recently had to reduce that number to $150, which is huge. Consider the fact that a lot of cancer patients have to quit their jobs, so their families already feel the financial crunch. It's so scary. And not being able to fund research? That terrifies me. It stalls our progress toward finding a cure for blood cancers, and it means we are going to lose more people to this disease.

On that note, I'm going to be officially registering this weekend to be a participant in the Houston Half-Marathon in January. That's right, I'm not only going to be a mentor, I'm also going to be a runner and fundraiser for this event. After swearing I would never run again after last season, I realized my work IS NOT DONE. This year my fundraising minimum is $2,400. I hope to raise at least $5,000. I hope that anyone out there reading this blog will help to support me on this mission. I can assure you that you'll be hearing plenty from me over the next 6 months.

Go Team!

Fast Forward to the Present

2009-06-15T08:40:00.001-07:00

Alright, I'm back to discussing the details of my fabulously CURRENT life. Fabulous? Probably an overstatement. But, it's coming along.

Remind me to only get married once. And if I happen to ever get married twice, remind me to elope the second time :). My latest headache it the guest list issue. Who is on it, who is not on it, who is going to get hurt feelings, how do we keep it smaller, and when are necessary parties going to send me their lists?????? Very frustrating. That's why I never liked group projects, I don't like having to depend on other people to get things done.

Even though we are 10 months out, the guest list is vital in determining lots of costs/quantities of things. I asked to have them all in by the end of May. It's mid-June, and I still have outstanding lists. POO.

I'm trying not to stress too hard about it. I had a major work event this past weekend that definitely kept me occupied for the past couple of weeks. Luckily, I think it went off splendidly. I'm very proud right now. I like it when I feel like I'm good at what I do.

I've started running again. It's tough after not running for a few months, but I'm better than when I started training last time? It's also hard because it's already hotter than hell in Houston. Seriously, it's awful to even step foot outside. I leave the running for the evenings, but even then, it's still rough.

I'm sooooo, soooo tired today. I feel like I could have used another 15 hours of sleep. I had an awful time sleeping last week. There were three nights when I simply couldn't fall asleep, and it was miserable. It's still plaguing me now, and I've been trying to get full nights of sleep the past couple of days, but I think what I really need is a vacation. Whether it's a "staycation" (I keep hearing this word!) or a vacation that actually involves travelling somewhere, I just need some time to let my brain de-stress. I was in Vegas a couple of weeks ago for E's bachelorette party, but while that was fun, it definitely wasn't relaxing or restful.

So, I'm going to slowly get this week started, and send another gentle reminder email about guest lists.

# 5 The End

2009-06-12T07:30:00.001-07:00

On October 4, 2007, I had my last chemo session. I had made it through six months and 12 sessions of nausea, vomiting in a trash can while hooked up to the IV, several emergency room visits as a result of spiking a fever post-chemo, a bout with bronchitis as a result of lowered immunity, countless neupogen shots to boost white blood cell production, a full head of lost hair, intense bone pain, twice daily heparin injections, eleventy billion site dressing changes, the loss of layers of skin due to transpore tape and press and seal wrap, one bone marrow biopsy that I hope to never repeat, multi-weekly blood draws, tons of tests...... but I was DONE!!!!! Chemo killed my cancer, and I was DONE with chemo. I was thrilled... or was I?

To be honest, finishing chemo was terrifying for me. Despite all the negative effects, I had the comfort of knowing that my chemo was killing my cancer. What would happen when I wasn't being pumped full of cancer-killing chemicals? Would my cancer come back? Was it just waiting for a break in the drugs to come and get me?

The other part of it that made finishing chemo tough was that for the last six months of my life, my cancer had defined me. Before I was diagnosed, I was a law student. Well, while sick, I graduated from law school, I wasn't working, I didn't have much on my plate besides being sick. My job title and identity was cancer patient, and when I didn't have that anymore.... I felt lost. All of my friends had moved on, gotten jobs, and were living their lives. I wasn't doing much of anything. Now, this isn't to say I WANTED to be defined by cancer. I did NOT miss my cancer. It was just a shock to my system, and I had to ask myself "What's next?"

Slowly but surely, I moved past my post-cancer rut. I began studying for the bar exam, and took it the following February. In January, I went in to the hospital for my first series of post-chemo tests/scans. It was awful. I was a nervous wreck. I was so convinced that I was sick again. It made me the most insufferable person to be around for a couple of weeks. Happily, those test results came back negative. I was still cancer-free, and I could still move on with my life. Even now, over a year and a half after that last chemo session, I still get nervous when test time comes around, but it doesn't consume me like it used to. I've been cancer-free for a while now, and I have more confidence, and I generally feel really good.

As for how I moved on, well, most of y'all know that story. Upon finishing the bar exam, I was overwhelmed by a sense of depression at the idea of actually having to practice law. D suggested that I DIDN'T have to practice law, which allowed me to expand my search. My journey made me want to help others on their own journey, which led me to the non-profit sector. It's been an interesting transition, one I never regret, and I think I've discovered new talents.

So, I sit here today, writing this last cancer reflection, full head of hair intact, excited about how far I've come and fully dedicated to doing more in the future. My journey is why I've become so involved with Team in Training. I don't want ANYONE to endure what I went through. It's a paralyzing feeling to be sick and not to be able to do anything about it. Your life is in the hands of doctors, medicine, and God. The loss of control is horrible. I'm going to begin training for my second Team in Training season in less than two months, and I hope you all will support me as I start this journey all over again!

Thanks for giving me the chance to write about this period of my life!

#4 Remission doesn't mean the same thing to everyone...

2009-06-04T08:13:00.000-07:00

My remission story is somewhat amusing.

The happy news in my story is that the chemo did it's job. It came, it saw, and it conquered the shit out of my cancer. It made me feel like hell, but it got the stuff that was trying to kill me. By July (after starting treatment in April), the chemo had killed the cancer, and I was in remission.

My oncologist looks like your typical absent minded professor. He's clearly a smart guy, he's really nice, mildly awkward, and sometimes difficult to decipher. Everytime I went in for my visits with him, I would first see the nurse, who basically took inventory of how I was feeling and wrote it in my chart. Then, after the nurse, I would visit with my physician's assistant. He was great, he would fill me in on my test results in lay person language before I saw Dr. M. Dr. M came in last, and he gave the reassurance of a medical professional that I was progressing nicely.

Well, in July, my PA was out for the day, so I skipped straight from nurse to Dr. M. My older sister accompanied me to that appointment (D was taking the bar exam), and we sat and listened to Dr. M talking about meta-something. We both kind of nodded and smiled. I got that the results were good, but my understanding was apparently minimal. We left, excited that the chemo was fighting the cancer, but still aware that I had cancer.

Well, fast forward to August. The day after I shaved my head, I went to my doctor's appointment before heading to the airport to pick D up. I saw the nurse, and then I saw my PA. He looked through my charts and started talking, and finally said " Well, since you are in remission...." I don't know how he finished that statement, because I stopped listening. Remission? I was in remission? He looked confused when I started questioning him. Hadn't Dr. M told me this at my July appointment?

Had he? I didn't have a clue. My PA exited the room, and I immediately called my sister to inform her that Dr. M's medical speak last month had apparently meant remission. She was as surprised as I was, she hadn't had a clue that he'd said that either! Dr. M came in, apologetically, saying he didn't realize that he'd neglected to actually use the word remission, but that I was, in fact, in remission. I couldn't even be mad at the guy because I was so overwhelmed, excited, emotional, and freaking ecstatic that I was in remission. The chemo had killed the cancer. I was cancer-free. WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

I left the appointment to pick D up from the airport, and I was practically bouncing out of my skin. The first thing I saw when I spotted him by the curb was his shaved head, shaved in honor of my own head shaving. I jumped out of the car, bounded into his arms, and excitedly whispered through tears that I had gone into remission. It was an excellent moment for the two of us.

That night was another celebration (because that's our style) of the fact that I was in remission. Despite the cancer being gone, I would still have to undergo another three months of chemo. During this time I would feel sicker than I ever did when the cancer was in full force, but knowing that I had beaten this disease helped tremendously in getting through it.

I'm off to Vegas tomorrow for E's bachelorette party..... see you next week!

# 3- How I decided to shave my head

2009-05-28T08:06:00.000-07:00

As shallow as it may sound, the first thought when I was diagnosed with cancer was not whether or not I was going to die, was it going to hurt, how long would I have to undergo treatment.... it was "Am I going to lose my hair?"

As I have come to meet more cancer patients/survivors, I have realized that I am NOT weird and shallow, but actually quite normal. Apparently, I am not the only one.

I had really long hair when I first got sick. I made the decision that I would cut it shoulder length before even beginning chemo, just so that I'd "ease" myself into the process. Looking back, it seems almost laughable, because there is a huge difference between having cute shoulder length hair and being bald. But, at the time, it made me feel better.

For a while, we thought I wasn't going to lose my hair. Sure, the chemo was making some of it fall out, but I've always had such thick hair, you couldn't notice. Hell, it was almost a blessing for me, because it meant I only had to shave about every other week, and it was an automatic eye brow thinner! For the first couple months of chemo, the hair loss wasn't a big deal.

Well, then came July. To put it in perspective, my little sister left to go to camp for the whole month of July. When she returned from camp on my 25th birthday (August 4), she started crying. I knew I had been losing more hair, but it took someone who hadn't seen me in a while to shock me back into reality. My hair was coming out at a rapid pace. I woke up every morning with a mess of strands all over my pillow. I was so delicate when I washed my hair, because it would come out in chunks. I stopped brushing it because I was just pulling what little was left out.

By the time August rolled around, I had visible bald spots, and I wouldn't leave the house without a hat. My family threw me a surprise 25th birthday party with a big group of friends, but I thought D and I were just going to dinner alone. I begged him not to take me someplace too nice, because I didn't want to have to remove my hat. Luckily, the party was casual, and I ended up having a great time and being completely surprised, but it was an indicator of what was to come.

I kept hemming and hawing about actually shaving my head. It was one thing to have bald spots, it was another thing to be totally bald. I was terrified of what I would look like, how I would feel, what people would think..... I debated for a couple of weeks. One morning, while D was out of town with his brother, I woke up, looked at myself in the mirror, and I knew that was THE day. I had to take CONTROL. I was tired of my cancer dominating me. I let my mom know, and word got around to my whole family. Everyone came over that afternoon and brought champagne and food. If we were going to do this, we were going to do this as a family and turn it into a celebration. My uncle, who is a hairdresser, had the honors of manning the shears, not only because I trusted him not to nick my head, but also because he was probably going to be the person who wouldn't be sobbing uncontrollably (the same could not be said of my mom, sisters, aunt, etc). We took photos before the shaving, and after, and we toasted with champagne. My uncle then put my wig on my head and styled it for me. And it was done. I was bald.

Being bald wasn't nearly as scary as I had anticipated. Sure, I would have preferred my hair a million times over, but I had a cute wig I wore out of the house, and around the house, no one cared. My friend E even came over one night, and under the influence of lots of champagne, drew smiley faces on my head with marker :). When it grew back, it grew back into a baby mohawk, which was actually kind of cute! I wore my wig for 4 months until my hair had achieved about an inch and a half of length, and then I started rocking the short do, which looked remarkably good on me!

It's been almost 2 years since the head shaving, and my hair is now back in full force. It took a long time to get here, I have been through many phases of hair styling, lots of headbands, hair product..... but I now know that my hair is just hair. It's not me, it's not who I am, and with or without it, I'm going to be okay.

#2- Scars

2009-05-21T09:12:00.000-07:00

I've been a bit behind with blogging as it's been crazy busy in my work world, but I have a few minutes to discuss my..... scars.

I know, you probably think I'm referring to the metaphorical emotional scars that having cancer leaves. No, I'm actually referring to the physical scars I now have all over my body.

I, of course, have the scar from where I had my biopsy. It's on the left side of my collarbone, right where my lymph node is. It's not huge, about an inch long. Even two years later, I experience some sensitivity at my scar site if I bend my neck to the right for too long. It has gotten better, it has faded some, but I think it's going to be there forever. And that is okay with me.

I have a few scars around my right bicep, where I had a permanent IV in my arm for about 7 months. On scar from where the IV actually went into my arm, and three smaller scars from where it was stitched into my skin. They are far less noticeable, since they are in the inside of my arm, but they are there. And that is okay with me.

I have scars near my armpit and on my forearm from where I had to endure 7 months worth of wrapping my arm in Glad press and seal wrap, and then sealing the edges with transpore tape every time I bathed to avoid getting my IV wet. My skin got so raw from tearing tape off the same spot every day, and I have marks from the tape that I think are going to be there forever. And that is okay with me.

I have a series of very odd looking lines that run across my stomach now. The very first chemo session I had, one of the drugs made me incredibly itchy, and I scratched my stomach hard with my nails. Those scratch marks never went away. It makes me a bit self-conscious, and I'm supposed to keep my stomach out of the sun so that they don't darken. They have faded a bit over time, but I think they'll be there for a while, which means a life of tankinis and one piece swim suits. And that is okay with me.

I have have all sorts of marks on my legs that weren't there before chemo. I don't know if I scratched myself there or if they just appeared as a result of the drugs, but it looks like I have beat up legs. I have one mark on the outside of my right upper leg that looks like a gigantic bruise, and it's its actually from where I knocked myself after a chemo session..... and it never went away. I will forever be bruised from my cancer. And that is okay with me.

My body is so marked up because of the chemo, but I guess it's a constant reminder of where I've been. I can't change it, I view it as insignificant in comparison to what I've been through.... and they are all okay with me.

#1- What I learned about love from cancer

2009-05-12T08:22:00.000-07:00

People generally don't associate cancer with positive experiences, but for me, it taught me the meaning of unconditional love. I know a lot of people say they love their partner unconditionally, and I believe that they believe it, but I also don't think they have been tested in a way that necessarily makes them figure it out for sure.

I am loved unconditionally. I now know what unconditional love is.

As you may or may not know, D was in Europe for a moot court competition when I found out there was a lump in my neck. I had to let him know via email that my doctor had found something, and that it needed to get checked out. It was such a lonely few days, we were hours apart, we only had email to communicate, but even from thousands of miles, and another computer away, he managed to make me feel calmer. He changed his flight to come home earlier to be with me. He went to that very first catscan up in Austin, and he held me as I cried when the doctor called and said I needed a biopsy.

The very first night D met my family was the night before my biopsy. It was an interesting dinner, we all tried to laugh and joke and pretend like nothing else was going on, but it was tough. After dinner, we bid my family goodbye, and D took me back to his place to settle in for the night and prepare for an early morning at the hospital. He rented me a movie, a funny, life affirming movie, and rubbed my back as we watched, wiped my tears as I cried from fear of the unknown, and helped me to actually get some sleep that night. In the morning, he drove me to the hospital, stayed with me until I had to be prepped for surgery, and spent the next several hours with my family. After I was released from surgery, a woozy, vomiting mess, he drove me home, invited my whole family to camp out at his apartment while everyone took care of me, and slept on the world's tiniest couch that night just so that he could be near me. I had to sleep somewhat upright because of my incision, so I was forced to sleep sitting up on the couch instead of in bed.

He stood by my side with my family as I got the phone call the next day telling me that I had cancer. And he soon after publicly pronounced that we were going to fight the hell out of it, and that where ever I needed to be to fight this thing, he was going to follow me and be right there by my side. The next day, he asked me to marry him for the first time.

D missed most of the last month of law school so that he could come back and forth with me from Houston to Austin. He was there for me for all the initial tests at MD Anderson, he took the classes on how to care for my pic line (the permanent IV that I would wear for 6 + months that was stitched into my arm), he learned how to give me the heparin injections that I would need every 24 hours for the next 6 months, and he was there with me during that first chemo session, when I was terrified of what was going to happen.

D moved down to Houston and moved into my mother's house with me. It was, in theory, an unconventional living arrangement, but it worked for us. We had just graduated, he was studying for the bar, we hadn't anticipated ending up in Houston, and oh yeah, I had cancer. It is a situation that would have made most men balk, but he embraced it because it was what I needed.

D loved me through days of vomiting and nausea. He didn't think twice about taking me to the emergency room at midnight when I spiked a fever, even though the bar exam was mere days away. He helped me pick up the hair that was all over my pillow in the mornings, and on that day when I had to finally shave my head, he shaved his own right off. He loved and loved and gave and gave during a time when I had little to give, when I expected a lot and didn't reciprocate. I wasn't able to be the woman he had originally fallen in love with, but his love helped to give me hope that I would get back to her.

It's been a year and a half since I went into remission, and our love is stronger than ever. He is my best friend, and he helped to bring me back after cancer. While I healed physically, emotionally, it took me time to deal with the aftermath of cancer. Many tears were shed, many fears were revealed, many emotions were displayed. He stuck with me and accepted me for who I was and what I had been through.

Unconditional love sounds like it should be easy enough, but looking back..... it just amazes me.

The Cancer Chronicles

2009-05-12T08:20:00.000-07:00

For some reason, lately I've been thinking about my bout with cancer and what it was like to go through it. I've decided to write a few blog posts dedicated to this subject. I never journaled while I was undergoing treatment, mostly because I think I was overwhelmed by the experience, but I'd like to get something down, and maybe give you all an insight into my life as a cancer patient.

Please speak quietly.....

2009-05-07T07:52:00.000-07:00

..... because I have a hangggggggggover. Ug. Last night D and I went to the Cubs/Astros game, and had some beers. Then we went out with a couple of folks afterwards to a bar and had some more beers. Then all of a sudden it was 7:45am this morning, and I had to go to work. No fun. D was still in bed when I left home, but I think his old age makes it harder for him to rebound ;).

Yesterday I began a workout regime called the Buff Brides workout. It's actually a book that provides you with exercises that you do over a six month period in order to be all buff in your wedding dress. The program, in combination with cardio and good eating, should help me to tone shit up so that I'm a hot bride! Here's hoping anyway, right?

D is headed back to the ballpark tonight with some buddies, and I am hanging out with E. We are going to drink wine and eat hummus. Hummus is healthy, and wine is grapes, so I'm essentially having fruit and fiber, right? It's my justification, and you can't stop me!!!!!!

I was telling E yesterday that I hadn't done anything wedding related in a few days, and it was really stressing me out! I just want the whole damn thing to be planned so that I can relax for a few months, and then, bam, married! It's very weird to think about actually being married. I kind of feel like we already are, I don't know how much will change besides our legal status and tax stuff, but I guess there will be that warm glow of being able to say "hey, husband, go take out the trash" instead of "hey, fiance, go take out the trash."

This post has gotten a bit rambly. I blame the beer!

Just call me an insomniac

2009-05-05T11:34:00.000-07:00

Sweet, sweet sleep, where have you been? Seriously, over the past few months, I'll have 1-2 nights a week that I cannot sleep, so I'll leave our bedroom and watch tv on the couch until I doze off around 4am, only to be awakened by the blaring alarm clock what feels like minutes later. This past weekend I couldn't sleep Friday night, so I pulled couch duty, worked 18 hours Saturday, slept from around 3am-10am, and then couldn't fall asleep until after 4am on Sunday night. Last night, while grocery shopping, I picked up some Tylenol Simply Sleep and fell asleep at 9pm until 8am this morning. It was awesome, but I have a definite sleep hangover today, and that combined with the fact I don't want to get addicted to any pills means that I'm going to keep trying to go at it the natural route unless I hit a wall of a few nights in a row.

My mind just races. D is so sweet, he does a lot to try and relax and comfort me, but my mind moves too fast. I've also had several bad dreams lately, the kind that jolt me out of sleep. I don't know what's going on with me, but the happy thing about the sleep pills last night were that they were more powerful than my racing brain.

This week is shaping up to be a good one. D and I are headed to the baseball game tomorrow night, and then I have a girl date on Thursday night for wine and hummus with the fabulous E. I'm ready for May to go a little faster, because I am dying for the three day memorial day weekend. I'm hoping my older sister will have some sort of funday at her home. I'm ready to head back to the pool for the summer! The weather has been a little all over the place lately, ranging from flooding rains to summer heats, but that just means we're in Houston :).

Back to work for me...... think sleepy thoughts for me tonight.

Spring showers.....

2009-04-28T08:47:00.000-07:00

So, I'm now mildly concerned about what the weather is going to do on our wedding day next year, with all the rain we've had this month. We are scheduled for April 10, 2010, and it could be absolutely gorgeous, or it could be flooding. It's in God's hands! Although, it might make sense for it to be pouring rain during the day, stop during the ceremony, and then it can pour again after everyone is safely in the reception venue. That's kind of how our engagement day went down. God cleared up the skies just long enough for D to propose outdoors, just the way he wanted. Luckily, I was smart enough not to plan any portion of the wedding outdoors, but there are optional outdoor "components", and who wants bad weather frizzing everyone's hair, and getting people wet as they enter and leave buildings?

We have a church, a reception venue (and with that comes food/booze/cake), and I have a dress. Next on the list is photographer, videographer, and band. It's a lot of work getting this all done, but it's just so worth it to me. I do lots of research into every aspect in the hopes of making it a fantastic day. I can't wait to be Mrs. D! I love the hell outta him. :)

It's a busy week at work with our upcoming gala this weekend. My hopes are that the weather clears up by the weekend so that our guests don't have to contend with it. Event week=jeans all week, which is awesome.

This is short, gotta get back to work!

Pet Peeve # 417: Overcologning

2009-04-22T07:50:00.000-07:00

This post kind of functions as a PSA to men: Please, please, please stop slapping on the cologne so liberally. I got overcologned in the elevator this morning, and the stench is still permeating my nostrils.

I have found that the most common offenders are a) old men, b) foreign men, and c), the worst offenders of all, old foreign men. This statement isn't meant to be a stereotype or generalization.... well, maybe it is, but I find it to be true. I feel like I have intimate knowledge, being Greek and all. Old Greek men LOVE them some cologne.

I don't understand. I love it when you can smell a subtle musk on a man. Why would anyone believe you have to throw on half a bottle in order to achieve that effect? Doesn't it get expensive? It's awful, and it is most awful when you are trapped in small spaces, like elevators. If you can still smell the cologne after the offender has exited the space, IT IS TOO MUCH.

So, please, gentlemen, please take away this lesson for future reference: tone down the cologne!

Of Cancer, Money, Marriage, and Men

2009-04-14T09:55:00.001-07:00

I'll start off with the quick good news- had my usual 4 month tests at MD Anderson. Unpleasantness, but the test results from this morning were great. No cancer! Wooooooo!

Money- Ug, love it and hate it. The spending diet didn't go quite as planned, but I think I did alright. I'm going to keep working at it. It's tough when unexpected things come up. For example, I found a good price on a plane ticket last week that I would have needed to buy at some point..... so I did it then. I'm going to E's Vegas bachelorette party in June, and I'm all about a deal. I'm still not a perfect spender, but it's been alright.

Marriage- for once, not about me! D and I went to an "anti" wedding shower this weekend for E and S. It was the kind of party where you wear a fake mustache made out of felt, and there are shirts that proclaim people's love for bacon. The rule was the gift had to be $10 or less from a convenience or drug store, so we went with the ever-popular lottery tickets, a mix of scratch offs and mega millions quick picks. We played beer pong and bean bag toss, grilled out, jammed to old school Michael Jackson, and eventually walked over to Lizzard's. It was a really fun night.

Sunday we ventured to my sister's house for Easter, which involved drinking, grilling out, staging an easter egg hunt for the kids..... very fun day.

And men? I've got the best one!!!!! That's it. :)

This week is super busy, I have a bunch of stuff going on, including my very first event that I planned and executed myself. Please keep your fingers crossed that it goes well!

A "spending diet"

2009-04-06T09:18:00.000-07:00

As I was heading to bed last night, I watched a special after the nighttime news called "Stretching your Dollar", where they talk about lots of ways to save money in this day and time. I actually heard some pretty good ideas, and one of them is called the "spending diet". It's pretty simple- for one week, you don't spend any money. Of course, I imagine it's a lot harder in practice.

But, I did my grocery shopping yesterday, so I have plenty of food, and I'm willing to give this spending diet a try. I'm not going to spend any money from now until next Sunday.

It sounds easy, but I already see some obstacle's on the horizon.....

For instance, D and I are going to the baseball game on Wednesday night. They are his firm's tickets, so those are free. However, I can't imagine going to a baseball game and not buying some beer. And a hot dog! Isn't that part of the fun of baseball? I have yet to figure out a solution for that one. Maybe if D buys my beer? But, does his money count as my money? So complicated!

I honestly don't spend that much in a week. I generally bring my lunch every day, and I cook dinner most nights. But, little things come up. I'll stop and get frozen yogurt, or buy a magazine or something..... I would like to eliminate gratuitous spending along those lines. I really don't need anything. So, I'm going to give this a try, and maybe turn it into a permanent situation of only spending money one day a week to replenish things like groceries, maybe go out one night.... we'll see.

They also featured a woman who started a practice of saving all of her $5s. Anytime she got a 5, it got stashed away, and in a matter of months, she had over $1,000. Granted, this was a woman who stopped using credit cards, so she always had more cash on hand than the average person, but I think it's an interesting idea. A $5 is a small enough denomination that you won't really miss it if you put it away, but large enough to add up in the big picture.

The featured another lady who is one of those super coupon users. She writes a blog on finding deals on the internet, and how to maximize coupons. Last year, she challenged herself to spend only $800 for the entire year on groceries for a family of 4. She came in $40 under the $800, which astounds me. I spend that much in two months at the grocery store! I don't think I'll be going to those extremes, because I imagine $800 limits you incredibly as to what you can eat, and limits the amount of fresh items you can buy, but I will try and utilize more coupons.

I'm almost exactly a year out from our wedding, and I want to become even smarter about our money. I want to make sure we save early and often so that we are able to have the kind of life we would like!

Race to a reception

2009-03-31T05:48:00.000-07:00

I cannot get weddings off the brain. I feel like I will be far more relaxed once I get a reception location. I have seen three places so far, liked two, and determined that one is a fair price. I have three more to check out, but my weary little brain doesn't have much more patience for the process.

I understand why people hire wedding planners. It makes things a whole lot easier to have someone setting up appointments for you, helping you to narrow down places before you even see them, getting valuable advice about things.... but, at the same time, I also think it would be just hugely wasteful to spend money on one when my mom and I really are perfectly capable of doing it on our own. I'd rather invite 10 more guests than pay a wedding planner. But, it would be nice if someone would do it pro bono ;).

I never really thought about all this stuff before I got engaged, but I feel like I'm getting a crash course right now. It makes me tired. I get excited when I do something that allows me to mark a check on the list (for instance, I bought my wedding dress last weekend, and I wish I could wear it every day because I love it so much), but it's a process to get there.

Now, reception locations. It's interesting, because I don't really know what I am doing, but I do know what I like. I knew immediately the first place I went wasn't going to be the spot. It didn't feel.... special. It felt small, cramped, and kind of cheesy. The second place I went to felt spacious, and although it was an older building, an older location, and probably not as "hip", I loved some of the really traditional aspects. The last place I visited was lovely, but I almost snorted in the man's face when he listed prices. I frankly don't understand how anyone in these economic times can charge those prices and expect to continue getting a lot of business. I could tell he was pretty desperate for my business, he kept invading my personal space, complimenting me, and asking what he could do to convince me to hold my reception there. I almost felt sorry for him, but not sorry enough to want to be there.

There are a million venues in Houston, but I don't have the patience to wade through them all, so I'm going to make a decision by the end of the weekend. I just need to pick a place that makes me happy, and move on.

It's been a while....

2009-03-27T08:34:00.000-07:00

I've been guilty of what I get annoyed with others for doing- ignoring my blog! I know all 5 of you must be sorely disappointed in me :).

But, in my defense, I spent the last couple of weeks sick, then in Cabo, then sick again and catching up at work, and now I finally have a few moments.

Cabo was amazing. I went with my mom, two sisters, and my younger sister's friend. We relaxed in the sun during the day, went out at night, read lots of books, ate delicious food..... It was a perfect, relaxing trip. I'd been suffering bouts of insomnia before going on the trip, and I think it let me de-stress and let all the "toxins" out.

I've been plagued by sickness for the last couple of weeks. I missed my last two days of work before coming on this trip. I just felt icky, sore, headachy, tired, alternatingly chilled/hot.... I'm better now, but I still have a cough I haven't quite been able to shake.

I am in full blown wedding mode. I'm on the hunt for a reception venue and a band right now. Once I get those two things secured, I will feel sooooooooo much more relaxed about the whole thing. Places are already starting to book for my date, a little more than a year away.... crazy! As a result, I'm seeing 6 venues within the next week. It makes my mind hurt a little thinking about it. I just want to get that part out of the way.

You know you are marrying the one when they tell you to plan the wedding that YOU want, and they will be happy because it makes you happy. It's very strange, I was never the girl who planned her wedding in her head, I always pictured myself married one day and imagined it being a fun event, but I never really had a sketch of it in my mind. Right now I have the chance to figure out what I like, and I hope to plan something that screams of D and me. What makes me happiest is that at the end of the day, yes, I am excited about the wedding, but I'm even more excited about the marriage and the adventures to come. Part of why this wedding is important to me is because I get to pledge my love and devotion to this man in front of God, my friends, and my family, and that is so special to me.

Alright, I'm jumping off the mush train now. It's Friday, and I'm wedding-it all day tomorrow, from dress to two venue appointments to checking out live performance from a potential band. It's one of those wedding weekends!

Having trouble springing forward

2009-03-10T12:19:00.000-07:00

I don't know if it's the time change, or a general lack of sleep, but I am perma-exhausted. I really NEEDED that hour of sleep on Sunday morning..... I suppose i should quit complaining, the weekend was otherwise lovely.

Friday, my work had our annual golf tournament. ome of my exhaustion my stem from the fact that I woke up at 3am to get ready and head out to the course. It wasn't a nearby golf course, so it took us some time to get out there. I was in charge of volunteers for the event, and most things went smoothly, but not all. We definitely had some people just not show up, which is incredibly frustrating. I wish people understood how vital volunteers are to an event, especially when you only have a staff of 7, and how much we need them to come if they say they are coming!!!! Ok, rant over. We worked through minor snafus, and the day mostly went off without a hitch.

Friday night, D arranged for us to go see Watchmen with another couple. It wasn't a movie I was thrilled about seeing, but he'd been dying to see it for a while and watching a movie is a fairly low key way of spending a night after waking up at 3am. Before the movie started, D leaned over and said, "It's okay if you need to fall asleep, I just wanted to be near you." I took his sweet comment literally and fell asleep on his shoulder for the first hour a half of the movie, which made the last hour not incredibly interesting. Some advice, though: THIS IS NOT A MOVIE FOR CHILDREN. There is lots and lots of naked.

After my movie nap, I seemed to catch a second wind, and we went out for some beers with M and E, the couple we saw the movie with. M is a co-worker of D's, and we'd spent time with them at the St. Arnold's Team in Training Fundraiser we attended earlier that week. It was a pleasant evening, but we both crashed hard when we came home.

Saturday D woke up early go to work (stupid lawyering), and I cleaned. D's parents came in town Saturday afternoon to spend the night with us, hang out, go to dinner, bring us some barstools, and see the new place. We had a great time with them. We went to America's on Saturday night, a place I hadn't been since college, and it was amazing. We order crawfish taquitos, crab fingers in a lemon butter sauce, and empanadas as an appetizer, I got the churraso steak for dinner, and then we split tres leches and bread pudding for dessert. It was incredible.

Sunday morning we awoke all too early (or too late?) with the time change, went to breakfast at Le Peep, and his parents took off for Frisco. I lazed the day away while D went back to work and then went to a dinner at my aunt's house. She had about 30 people over for a dinner party in honor of some friends visiting from Greece. As with any Greek event, there was food, food, and more food. Ug, gluttony was the theme of the weekend.

And now I have 4 more days of work, and then off to Cabo on Sunday!

The wedding just got more real!

2009-03-03T08:28:00.000-08:00

Happy Tuesday to all... oh, 6 or so of my readers :). Whatever, this provides a lovely way of keeping my friends up-to-date on my life.

This past weekend was very fun. I spent all day Saturday wedding dress hunting with my mom and younger sister. I have a newfound respect for anyone who works in a wedding dress store. I would have driven myself crazy. I think my problem is that I didn't have a real concept of what I wanted and what would look good to me. I tried on a few dresses that I thought looked great on the hanger.... but they weren't great on me. It really helped having someone to help me one on one. The first place we went to was my favorite, I think, and it is there that I found three dresses that I loved.... three dresses I would have never picked out for myself, but that the owner of the store suggested I try on. What a difference a little perspective makes. She definitely saw something I didn't see, and I ended up falling in love with her suggestions.

I wish I could have three weddings, I don't know how to pick just one.

The three dresses all happened to be by the same designer, who is having a trunk show at the end of March, which means 10% discount. Woo! It may not sound like a lot, but it's a nice chunk off an expensive dress.

It seems crazy to me in the logical part of my head to spend so much money on a dress you'll only wear once. But the girly, giddy side of me thinks it's a great investment in my beautifulness that day :).

And trying on a wedding dress does serve as the best motivation ever to lose weight. Hence the hour-long power lift class I did at the gym this morning. OUCH. Please don't ask me to lift my arms over my head today, I just won't be able to comply.

The part that made it seem the most real? Not trying on the dress, not getting opinions from my mom, not telling the story of how we got engaged or when our wedding date was..... but trying on that veil. Wow. So bridal!

Our first Mardi Gras

2009-02-23T11:17:00.000-08:00

D mentioned last week that his good friend from work, J, was going down to New Orleans this weekend for Mardi Gras and had invited him. J went to law school in NOLA, so it was a tradition for him. D didn't think he was going to go, but was thinking about it.

Well, at 11am on Friday, D called me saying that he had spoken to some cousins of his in New Orleans, and he had a place to stay, and he'd like me to come with him, but he wanted to leave right away. I hemmed and hawed for a bit. I'm not very good at spontaneous, and I could think of a million reasons not to go, but I decided to let it be for once, and I said yes. My boss graciously let me leave the office early, and I ran home to quickly pack. We threw our stuff into a bag and hit the road.

Well, of course, no spontaneous plan goes off without glitches. We encountered traffic-- a few jammed spots along the way, and then a huge accident right outside of New Orleans that stopped traffic for an hour and a half. We turned off the car and got out and spent some time chatting with our fellow Mardi Gras revellers. When everyone finally got to get back in their cars and get moving, we passed a car that had literally exploded. very scary. In total, the normally 5.5 hour trip to New Orleans took us over 10 hours. Yikes.

Additionally, D got a text message on the way down from one of the cousins saying he thought his brother had room, but it turned out he didn't We were well into the trip when we got this news, so we entered New Orleans with no place to stay but my car, and we knew odds of finding a hotel room in the midst of Mardi Gras were slim. We reconciled ourselves to the fact that we were just going to have to play hard all night, and play it by ear.

We arrived, parked near his cousin's house on St. Charles to at least ensure the car would be in a good location and took off on foot. We grabbed some late night dinner and started drinking. We went from St. Charles to Canal Street, to Bourbon Street for a while, to Harrah's casino..... we walked all over the place, soaking in the mayhem, sipping our beverages, and having fun. I definitely lost some money playing roulette at the casino, but I figure when I lose money in another city, it's like it doesn't count! Plus, I took advantage of the free drinks, so I probably came out around even.

We left Harrah's around 5:00am. We'd periodically stopped into hotels while walking to see about a hotel room for Saturday night. We figured we could stay out all Friday night and into Saturday daytime, try and find a room, and sleep for several hours before going out again. But much like Mary and Joseph trying to find an inn room, we were turned away at hotel after hotel. Finally, we stopped at the J.W. Marriott on Canal Street around 5:30am. Not only did they have a room for Saturday night, but it was available right then, and she would only charge us for one night. We took our exhausted, dirty selves up to bed and crashed hard for a few hours.

We awoke Saturday morning, and did as much as we could in the way of getting ready without having any of our stuff. It was all still back in my car a couple of miles away. We set out on foot again, headed in the direction of St. Charles to get some food, our first drink of the day, and our things. We saw several of the parades passing us, as well as a collection of the most interesting people you've ever seen. This weekend was perfect for people watching. We got some food, and frozen hurricanes, grabbed our stuff, stopped in and said hello to his cousin, and went back to the hotel for a shower. No shower has ever felt so good! After showering, we walked around the art district, went over the the French Quarter, and watched several really great street performances, including a group of guys that were on America's Got Talent (they were runners up to a group of gay Cowboys), and a guy who tied a rope to two columns in the French Quarter and performed a tight rope walking show. We also saw a couple walking hand in hand, both wearing blue jeans, and both topless, with body paint covering their top half. The girl was frequently photographed, and even stopped and had a friendly conversation with some cops. Only in new Orleans.

We went to Emeril's Delmonico that night. I thought it was good, but it wasn't as great as I expected. The Top Chef contestants had been there a month ago doing some filming, and D thought it would be fun for me since I'm such a fan of the show. I definitely enjoyed my food, but it wasn't the "wow" I expected from Emeril's place. We went back to Harrah's for a while, and then we both felt the overwhelming exhaustion that came from lots of drinking and partying and little sleep. We went back to the hotel and fell asleep around 11pm, and slept approx. 10 hours.

We woke up the next morning, packed, and headed back to Houston. The drive home took significantly less time than the drive there (thank God!). We really had a great time, and I'm glad I put aside my over planning tendencies for once. It turns out that maybe things do just work out.

But, if we return next year, I'll definitely be booking a room in advance ;).

Love is in the Air.....

2009-02-12T10:42:00.000-08:00

I apologize for my lack of blogging lately. But to be fair, most of my friends in the blogsphere haven't been keeping up as well as they should either! Come on, folks, I need a couple breaks in the day!

Valentine's Day is almost upon us. I like Valentine's day. Even on the years when I was single, I've still enjoyed the holiday. One of my most fun memories on Valentine's was going out with a group of girlfriends from law school for a mexican dinner, and then ending up at an anti-Valentine's party on 6th street. It was great, and we had a blast.

This will be my third Valentine's Day with D. On our first Valentine's, we'd been dating for about 4 or 5 months. He had grand plans of surprising me by whisking me away to San Antonio, walking around the riverwalk, eating a romantic dinner..... well, the coldest weather ever decided to hit Austin and bring some ice with it, so his plans were dashed. He ended up sweet talking the owner of an Italian restaurant that we enjoyed to squeeze us in without reservations. We had a really lovely evening, and it was much warmer than walking around outside :).

Last year was right before I took the bar exam, so Valentine's also functioned as one of the few breaks I got that month. D took me for a fabulous dinner at Del Frisco's where we noshed on some of the most delicious steak I'd ever tasted. He came home with beautiful roses, and he presented me with a piece of paper and told me that it was my present. I opened the paper and it was a "receipt" for a blood donation made at MD Anderson in my honor. It was one of the best presents I ever received, and it definitely reduced me to tears. I think of that as "paying it forward", and I'm thrilled that his donation could have potentially saved the life of a cancer patient.

This year I'm honestly not sure what our plans are. We may stay in, we may go out. I honestly don't care what we do as long as we are together. Love ain't easy, but we've been through thick and thin, and we've still got that strong bond between us that grows even stronger over time.

I hope that you celebrate the love in your life this Valentine's day, whether it's the love of a significant other, friends, family, pets.... Times are tough, and we need to cherish all the wonderful things in our lives.

Friday! Friday! Friday!

2009-01-30T11:41:00.000-08:00

I am thrilled it's Friday. I can't believe it has been two weekends since the half. I need to start running again, I'm being too sedentary. I'm going to try and squeeze one in tomorrow in between a morning appointment, lunch, and errands to run..... Yeah, I know, we'll see :/.

Last night E and I went to the Tasting Room for some girl time and vino. The place was definitely bumping, but we managed to find two seats at the bar. E's been traveling a lot lately, so I was really glad to pin her down for a few hours. The night was really fun, and then it took a weird twist at the end.

E and I simultaneously got hit on by guys on either side of us. Her guy was a throw back to 1988, a real charmer who in mid-pick up line stopped to take off his wedding ring and stick it in his pocket. I guess a wedding ring can put a wrench in one's game. He justified it to E by saying it was his third marriage, and she worked all the time. Lame!

My guy was rapidly approaching 50 and a dead ringer for the Brawny paper towel guy, red flannel shirt and all. He kept telling me I was pretty while also commenting on the fact he could be my father. Guh-ross!

But, like an angel sent straight from God, by total randomness, my cousin's friend, A, happened to be at the bar that night, and she ran straight to me and E while we were squirming, trying to find a way to extricate ourselves from our suitors. She kind of pushed them out of the way, began chatting with us, recommended we go outside.... it was the perfect getaway. Thank you, A!!!!

Not much on tap for this weekend beyond the mundane errands, probably some cleaning.... We are having our first mini "party" on Sunday. We are having a few family members over to watch the Super Bowl on the new 52" tv. I'm glad it's family, it's like a practice gathering. Not to undermine any of our family members, but I don't have to be as prepared for them. I think I may need to purchase some more plates, because I don't think we have enough. Hopefully it will be a fun evening. My mom continues to alleviate a lot of the burden by offering to cook. I love my mom :).

I hope everyone has a great weekend!

I want to take a class

2009-01-27T08:25:00.001-08:00

I'd really like to take some sort of class that teaches me a useful skill or craft. I'd like it to be something D and I could do together, so preferably not potpourri making or something like that. In the spirit of personal enrichment, I'd like to learn something new in 2009, but I don't really know where to start. Where can I find classes? What kind of class should I take?

In the alternative, what sort of hobby could we take up on our own? I'd like to find something beyond the massive amounts of tv that will bring us even closer together.

In other news, I spent most of yesterday with a massive headache. Came home, took a long, hot bath, and crawled into bed. When D came home, he laid down with me for a bit, ordered a pizza so no cooking would have to be done, and even watched the Bachelor with me, which is a pretty big sacrifice for a guy.

Now that's love :).

More details on the half

2009-01-26T10:25:00.001-08:00

So, I didn't really get into the details of the half last week. It was such a cool experience, but I'm not sure how to document it in words. I feel like the pictures tell a better story!

Nerves were flying in the days leading up to the event. I was scared of how I would do, if I would be able to finish, etc. It just seemed really daunting. I arrived at the Hyatt downtown on Saturday afternoon for the TNT pasta party, shirt decorating, and overnight so that we simply had to walk to the start line. It was a very good idea!

Running partner K (RPK) and I were roommates for the night, and we twiddled our thumbs until it was time to go down to the party. The food was actually quite good, and I carbed it up. They showed a slide show while we ate that featured the honored teammates from all the TNT groups across the city. I was on there, and it was a bit unnerving to see my face on a big screen every few minutes.

The presentation honored everyone who was there, and it singled out the top fundraisers. I was so proud to be a member of that group. I have raised almost $9,700 to date, which is beyond what I ever thought possible. I doubt I'll be able to touch that number again, but it sure would be nice to pull that off every year :).

We heard a speech from one of the mentors, P, who incidentally was one of my freshmen when I was an O-week coordinator during college. She lost her father to leukemia, and this was her second TNT event. Her speech, of course, had me bawling by the time she was done. Luckily, the night wasn't all about tears, we moved on to the shirt decorating party. RPK and I picked up these very cool sparkly letters, and we each put our name on the front of the singlets, and I put "Cancer is my bitch! Survivor since 2007" on the back.

That night's sleep wasn't awesome. We definitely tossed and turned, and then all of a sudden, it was 4:30am, and we were up. The weather was chilly, but pretty mild outside, so I went with shorts instead of the tight running pants, and a long sleeved shirt under my singlet. I wore some gloves as well. The whole TNT group met in the lobby of the hotel for a group picture, and then we walked over to the George R. Brown convention center to wait. We spent a good 45 minutes to an hour waiting inside of the facility before we were allowed to walk out to the start line. RPK and I were in the "slower" group (I prefer to call it noncompetitive!), so we started 10 minutes after the initial wave. Hearing that start gun was pretty exciting. We were in a big group for a while, and then things started thinning out.

As for the actual run part, it went well at first, then got hard, and then was on and off. I definitely did some walking, but I think I ran more than I anticipated. I also dealt with some aches and pains that were something awful. I developed a horrible side stitch about half way through that kept plaguing me, especially in the last stretch of the race. I finished the event almost doubled over, holding my side and weeping, both from emotion and pain.

On the upside, I had AMAZING support. My family, friends, and co-workers were out in full force, wearing TNT shirts, holding signs with my name on them, offering Gatorade.... it was awesome. They motivated me to keep going. D and my niece and nephews jumped in with me for a couple of blocks around mile 10, and that was fun. I remember how much fun it used to be to run as fast as possible when I was a kid :).

As for the end, I finished within the mandated 4 hours, without a problem. I wasn't very fast, and I'm definitely not a runner, but it was an awesome experience. I had the best time getting to know TNT people this season, sharing my story, getting involved with this cause.....

I had one guy come up to me during the pasta dinner to thank me for sharing my story with them all season. He told me that he signed up with TNT not having any connection to blood cancer, but I gave him one. If I inspired anyone to raise one more dollar, to want to do it again, to want to be more involved with the cause..... then I did my job.

The post race party was at my sister's bar, and it was loads of fun. The night ended with an impromptu family dance party, which is always fun! Many thanks to the friends and family who attended.

And as for me, a week later, my body is back in good shape. No more pain, although I was hurting something bad Tuesday and Wednesday of last week. I've already signed up for a 5K at the end of February, and I'm eager to do his same event with TNT next year. Most rewarding experience ever!

I did it!!!!

2009-01-20T11:04:00.001-08:00

The half-marathon was this past weekend, and while I don't have time to write a full post, I just wanted to let you all know that I am alive! It was an awesome, amazing, painful, challenging, overwhelming, emotional experience, but I completed it, and I'm very proud.

And..... I think I'm coming back next year for more. I just can't stop until we find a cure for blood cancer.

More details to come when I finish catching up on all the work I've missed!

Moving, running, moving, running

2009-01-14T09:28:00.000-08:00

D and I are moving tomorrow. I really, really hate moving, and we are trying to do it on the cheap, which means no movers..... just family :(. I've got to take it easy. My back aches have been flaring up from all the bending and moving boxes, and I don't want ANYTHING hindering me this weekend as I'm running. I'm very grateful that my sister and brother-in-law own a bar and don't work during the day. They will be helping us along with my mother. My mom is better at the "unpacking" part rather than the lifting heavy stuff. Although, I'm glad to have an unpacker on my team, because if there is anything that I hate more than packing..... it's unpacking.

I went to a Team in Training VIP reception last night, and pulled a classic K-- drank a lot of wine and got emotional about cancer stories :). It was fun, though, and it gave me the chance to talk with some people without then having to take off for a 8 mile run or something. People look different in regular clothes!

I'm still getting the butterflies about the event this weekend, but I'm also excited. I keep checking the weather, wondering what it's going to do. I need to plan for all contingencies. I also need to figure out how to carry all the stuff I want to have with me. Ideally, I'll have GUs, car keys, my phone, and a camera. I may have to ditch the camera. I know that I can run comfortably with that other stuff, but a camera might be pushing it. This is a moment where I wish I had my iPhone, so I could take pictures along the route and be accessible! I know friends and family will have cameras, but I want to snap some random shots of what 13.1 miles of Houston looks like on a Sunday morning.

Again, if you haven't donated, please do :). I hope you all will still be my friends after my incessant harassment over the past few months. I promise to give you a few months break from solicitation :).

Go Team!

Less than one week

2009-01-12T07:33:00.000-08:00

I am less than one week from my half-marathon, and I am skkkeeerrrrrrrddddd! Every time I think about it, I get butterflies in my stomach. I always knew it would happen eventually, but it always seemed so far away, and now..... one week away. Less than one week away!

I picked up my Team in Training stuff last week, and this Friday my running buddy K and I will pick up our official marathon packet. I'm just so nervous that I'll do horribly and embarrass myself in front of all my supporters. I just want to get through it without falling apart.

Before our last group run on Saturday, one of our coaches said "If you cross the finish line without tears coming out of your eyes, there is something wrong with you." I don't think there is anything to worry about with me, I'm actually hoping not to be outright bawling when I cross the finish line. This event is so much more than just a half-marathon to me. It's about the cause, it's about the amazing fundraising I've managed to do (more than $8,500!), it's about tackling a challenge, it's about being healthy enough to complete it..... It's about all those who I am running in honor of. So, yeah, I probably will be bawling as I cross the finish line, and as I see all the people in purple singlets crossing the finish line.

And in case you haven't donated yet......

http://pages.teamintraining.org/txg/houston09/klilienstern

Please.

Step 1: Spending time with friends

2009-01-08T06:33:00.001-08:00

Yesterday at work I received an email from Pappasito's advertising 1/2 priced fajitas for 2 every Wednesday night between now and February 11. I sent the email on to a few friends, and I received a reply from my recently married friend BR asking what time D and I were going to meet him and his wife. I had to laugh, he's definitely the type to take a forwarded email as an invitation. But, I thought, why not? I resolved to spend time strengthening my relationships this year, and I hadn't seen them since they returned from their honeymoon.

So, I checked with D, and we made plans to meet them. Since we were doing a later dinner, I also asked a couple of co-workers to grab a drink after work. It was a gorgeous day, so we ventured around the corner to my sister's bar, had a couple glasses of wine, and then I went to pick D up for dinner.

We had a great time with BR and V. They are a really fun couple, and the fajitas were delicious (as were the frozen margaritas, which kind of flies in the face of my goal to lose weight, but I think I kept everything in moderation). After dinner, they treated us to a little TCBY, and we made plans to do it again. I forget about taking moments out from my busy schedule to have a pleasant evening with friends, but I'm so glad we got together with them.

Next Wednesday? Game on!

PS- To all my blogger friends..... start blogging! I'm getting bored looking at old posts :).

New Year, new me?

2009-01-06T07:34:00.000-08:00

I don't like new year's resolutions. I think they set people up to fail, and why do we have to wait until the new year to start bettering ourselves?

However, I will agree there is something about the passage of another year that makes you reflective, and it makes you think about yourself and your life. I think I became a bit complacent in 2008. I don't think I worked to be the best "me" that I could. I think after 2007 being such a fight, after having to be strong and working for everything so hard, I just kind of wanted to coast. Coasting is not living. Coasting is taking the easy way out. I wouldn't say 2008 was a bad year, there were many highlights including taking and passing the bar, staying healthy, training for the half-marathon, getting engaged, finding a job...... but I don't think I pushed myself to the extent of what I am capable.

So, without putting it in terms of a new year's resolution, I want to spend 2009 becoming a better me, mind, body, and soul. I want to take my health seriously, which means dropping some pounds, eating better, and maintaining a commitment to exercise. I want to become a better, more adept cook in my new household. I want to strengthen the relationships in my life and make the people I love a priority. I want to become more fiscally responsible and forward thinking. I'm on the verge of getting married and starting my own family, and I want to make sure I'm able to provide for myself and the future.

I think by being the best me I can be, I'm going to be a lot happier. I think my happiness vacillates depending on whether I'm just coasting or living. I want to remember the lessons that having cancer taught me and live my life to the fullest extent. Corny, but true.

So, I'm asking my friends and readers to help hold me accountable to not a new year's resolution, but a total life makeover :).

Mad, mad men

2008-12-22T12:12:00.000-08:00

D picked up the first two disks of the first season of Mad Men this weekend, and we plowed right through them. This show is pretty cool. It's crazy to see how different things were in the 60s. I have been getting slightly nauseated from all the smoking they do in every episode. It also blows my mind at the way in which women were treated. It was a sexist, chauvinist society, and women just had to take it. I'm sure the cultural norms have been heightened for the purposes of entertaining television, but it's still, I believe, a somewhat accurate portrayal of the social norms at the time. If you haven't seen this show, I highly recommend it. Quality acting, interesting story lines, complex characters..... I'm a fan.

The big 12-miler came and went. I think it went pretty well considering. We finished, and we finished in a respectable time. I'm going to make it through this event, there's no doubt about it. I am so, so, soooooooo sore today, but I feel good.

Tonight I'm doing HH with one of my best friend's from high school, MC. She lives in NYC now, but happily, I've had the chance to see her a few times this year since friends have gotten married. I'm ready to kick back and continue to ring in the holiday season with a couple of cocktails. :) I ran 12 miles, I earned it :P

12 miles? What the fuuuuuuuuu...........

2008-12-19T07:29:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow I will be waking up at 4am to drive out to way, way West Houston to meet all the Team in Training groups from around the city for our 12 mile run (21 for the full-marathoners). Good lord, I didn't think I would make it to this point. They are going to try and simulate real marathon conditions. We are supposed to wear the clothes we think we might wear on marathon day, eat the same thing, carry the same stuff.....

It sounds totally intimidating to me right now. 12 miles? As D said this morning, oh-so-helpfully, "I don't even want to drive 12 miles".

I'll do it. I'm confident I'll make it through the mileage. There may be some walking involved. Who am I kidding, there will most definitely be some walking involved. I'm still not a runner. I think going from zero to half-marathon in 6 months was a little ambitious.

I'm still so committed to the cause, and so committed to following through, so I'm going to grit my teeth and do it! I'll have my running buddy with me, and we'll make it through a sucky morning :).

I'm actually going to play it low key tonight. Sometimes I have a problem doing that. I'm a fun-loving girl, what can I say? :)

They have asked me to say a few words before we begin the run tomorrow. Gulp. This is going to be a large group, and I hope I don't stumble over myself. Or fall down. Or burp or fart or something. That would be bad.

I think I'll start practicing my speech now!

Christmas Surprises!

2008-12-17T13:44:00.000-08:00

Last night D surprised me by taking me to a performance of the Nutcracker and dinner. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the Nutcracker, and we didn't have the opportunity to attend last year. D told me that we were going to a "work event", and then we ended up downtown at the ballet :). He got really good seats, and it was a fabulous evening (complete with champagne and everything! :))

We are going over to my friends' E and S's house tonight for a couples ornament exchange. When I informed my younger sister what our plans were she said "Wow, y'all really do old people stuff." This was funny because S entitled the invitation email "When old people get together". I'm okay with being old people, as long as it involves dessert and wine.

Just a couple more days of work this week, a couple next week, and then..... holidays! 12 days off! Christmas! Family! Food! Friends! Fun!!!!!!

Just popping in for some good news.....

2008-12-16T11:31:00.000-08:00

Had my results visit this morning, and I am still cancer-free! I'm so happy, relieved, and I'm more determined and ever to continue kicking it's ass, both by staying in good health, and by raising money for LLS.

Woo!

A small wedding?

2008-12-15T09:01:00.000-08:00

This past weekend I attended the wedding of my college buddy, BR. The wedding was small, only about 80 people, but it was very fun. I realized the advantages of having a smaller wedding. Everyone there is "a-list". You have your closest family and friends in attendance to witness your big day. You have the opportunity to speak with everyone without feeling like you spend your entire night talking to your father's dentist's son's wife our of obligation. There is an opportunity for lots of people to toast the couple. There is a certain feeling of intimacy, which is nice.

They had a great DJ, and the music was very fun. BR's wife is from Colombia, so they found a nice balance of American Latin fusion. It was a beautiful wedding, and all of my college friends had a great time.

I had dinner last night with my friends MM and J. MM cooked fabulous crab cakes, and a chocolate lava cake to die for. I think it will need to be a repeat recipe, since D loves the chocolate lava cake at Fleming's.

Last full week of work before the holidays..... and tomorrow I get the results from last week. Please say a prayer for me if you have a chance. I want a healthy holiday season!

Snow and barium!

2008-12-12T06:14:00.000-08:00

Didn't get the chance to post about Wednesday night's snow yesterday, as I was at the MD. But, it was actual snow. It even stuck a little bit to the ground before melting. We took a brief walk through the neighborhood, stuck out our tongues to catch snowflakes, and frolicked in a rare Houston winter wonderland.

Yesterday was far less pleasant. I arrived at the MD, took care of my bloodwork and chest x ray, and then went to go sit in the waiting room of the catscan area until it was close enough to the time of my appointment to check in. Catscans are quite a process, with an hour and a half of prep time before you can actually do the scan. I finally checked in around 1:40 for a 2:10 prep time start. This ain't my first rodeo, so I know that going to the hospital involves lots and lots of waiting. They are very rarely running on time. My hope was that this would be the one day, the Christmas miracle, much like the rare snow miracle the night before, that they would actually be on schedule so that I could make it out of there in time to get to D's holiday cocktail party.

Well, let's just say the MD ran predictably. I didn't get called until around 2:55, and they gave me my first cup of liquid barium. Mmmmmm, berry flavored barium! They even call it a "berry smoothie" on the front of the bottle, as though it makes it better or more palatable. I got called for my second cup at 3:25, and although I was scheduled for a 3:40 catscan, and I knew I wouldn't make that time, I still thought I would be out of there within a reasonable amount of time.

Wrong!

4pm comes and goes. 4:30 comes and goes. 5:00 comes and goes. At this point, it's been an hour and a half since my last bottle of barium, and I am supposed to have one bottle every half hour over an hour and a half. D's party has already started at this point, and I am losing hope that I will be able to attend, but I am still hopeful that maybe we can have some fun later in the night. I ask the nurses for the umpteenth time when I'll be called back into the "inner" waiting room. Oh, that's right. I was in the outer waiting room, I hadn't even been called back into the inner waiting room, where you change into scrubs, drink your last bottle of barium, have your IV inserted, and generally wait a little closer to where the machines are located.

Finally, at 5:20 I'm called back into the inner waiting room. I change into my scrubs, get my warm blanket, and settle into another chair for another wait. I get called to have my IV inserted, and since there had been such a lapse in time from when I had my last bottle of barium..... I got two :). Gross, yuck, gross!!!!!!!

I waited in the inner waiting room for another hour. For some reason, it seemed to be lung and throat cancer day in the catscan area. Never before have I heard so many voiceboxes or such..... hacking. It's the best stop-smoking campaign I've ever seen. I'd prefer not to have a gaping hole in my throat at any point in my life.

Finally, around 6:30ish, I get called for my scan. I haven't eaten since 8am, since you can't eat for a few hours before you start your prep, the barium was causing me horrific stomach pains, and the..... additional barium they give me while I'm in the machine didn't help things either. The iodine contrast also felt funny.

The scan itself only takes about 20 minutes, so it was the most efficient part of my day. I rolled out of the MD around 7, went home, bathed, and crawled right into bed. I missed D's holiday party, was in no condition to have fun, and just wanted to sleep. D came home from his event after I called and said I was done at this hospital, and I got really weepy when I saw him. For as often as I do this, I still get so emotional about it. I hate the hospital. I have come to loathe it, because I feel like a sick person when I am there. I'm feeling better today, still a little uncomfortable from the barium, but generally alright. I feel like a big, huge baby for whining about it.... but I'm tired. I know this is what I have to do for my health, but it's still tough.

So, now begins the waiting game for my results appointment on Tuesday. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. I'm very lucky to have a full, fun weekend ahead of me to keep me plenty distracted.

And after that lengthy, downer post, a happy Friday to everyone! :)

MD Day

2008-12-10T06:37:00.000-08:00

My MD Anderson day is almost upon me. Tomorrow I just have tests, no results, so it's somewhat anti climatic, but very, very exhausting. As I have mentioned in previous posts, I hate the poking, prodding, and feeling like a sick person. I want to get the most boring tests results ever- no change! Still cancer-free! Scar tissue continues to decrease in size! I'm starting to get the butterflies that I get around this time every test day.

I'm going to think positively, and I hope everyone will keep me in your thoughts and prayers. I am confident I will get good results, but once you've gone through the big C, there is a part of you that always anticipates the worst.

Tomorrow night I'll be attending another one of D's firms holiday parties after my full day of patienting. I'm hoping it will be a fun end to a very long day. At least there will be a big drink at the end of the road ;).

D and I are attending a wedding this weekend for my dear friend from college, BR. BR is an awesome guy, and I am very excited for him. Several of my college friends are descending upon Houston this weekend for the festivities, so it should be a lot of fun. I already have pedicures scheduled with one of my best girlfriends from college, J. :)

After this week, just one more full week of work, and then a short week..... and then almost 2 weeks off at Christmas! I can't wait for the holiday, my dad and his wife, plus my brother and his wife and 4 kids, plus all of my huge family here will be celebrating. It's D's first Christmas with my family (we spent last year with his), so I'm hoping we do it up in style for him.

Happy hump day!

I think I might hate running

2008-12-08T08:18:00.000-08:00

I think I'm hitting a running wall. I hate that it's the only kind of exercise I have time for. I hate that I'm still awful at it, and that I only seem to be getting worse. I hate the fact that running has to dictate my entire schedule, because not running for a day doesn't just mean not exercising, but it means not training for this event that I have signed up for in just a little more than a month. Gulp. The cold weather is, oddly, making running even harder on me. I'm having terrible trouble with my breathing, and it is hindering my endurance. I HATE YOU, RUNNING!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, calm down.... vent over..... I just experienced some extreme frustration in the past few days, and a true realization that I'm probably not going to be able to run this whole thing. I'm scared of even being able to run most of it. I feel like I've made a promise to lots of people, and I am letting them down. I've also been having some terrible back pain. I've had lower back problems for years, and sometimes it flares up worse than others. It's becoming increasingly difficult on my back, especially during the long distances.

Alright, enough about that. January 18, I'm going to be there and put forth the best effort I can, and I will continue to put forward my best efforts until that day.

A quick recap: Thanksgiving was great, I enjoyed spending time with D's family. We did some shopping up in Frisco, and we looked at about 30 different furniture stores. Seriously, D's new favorite hobby is home furnishings. It's all he wants to do! We found some very cute home accessories at Ross and Marshall's. D is also really into vases :).

Last week was fairly uneventful at work, and Friday night I had two parties. One was D's firm Christmas party, the second was a birthday party for my friend M...... and it was a slumber party! Yay! I got all fancy and gambled with fake money at D's party, which was actually quite fun. I got very lucky for a while playing roulette. I left him behind to head over to M's, where we drank grown up party drinks, gossipped, and ate Crave cupcakes. I swear, they will be my downfall.

Saturday I did some shopping, and we bought a Christmas tree. Sunday I volunteered with my sister's organization, the Pink Ribbons project, and Sunday night we put on Christmas music and decorated the tree. All in all, a fabulous weekend.

This week I go back to MD Anderson for my next round of tests. It would be the most awesome Christmas gift ever to know that I'm still in remission. I still get so scared and nervous. I'll get my results of Thursdays tests at my doctor's appointment the following Tuesday. So, if you could all start thinking healthy thoughts for me, I'd appreciate it.

Happy (almost) Thanksgiving!

2008-11-25T08:57:00.000-08:00

When 2pm rolls around today, I'll be heading out to begin my holiday! Almost a week off of work...... yay! This afternoon I'm going to be doing the 10 mile run I missed last weekend. I'm pretty intimidated, it's the greatest mileage I have ever tackled, but I'm trying to be smart about it. I am spending the morning hydrating... lots and lots of water. Then I'll stop in a few minutes so that I am not sloshy or crampy this afternoon. I mapped out my route online, and it's going to take me through my neighborhood, up to Rice to do a loop around the outside of campus, and winding back through the neighborhood. We'll see how this goes.

D and I are headed up to the greater Dallas area tomorrow to spend Thanksgiving with his family. I'm excited to see them and getaway from Houston for a few days. It will be my first Thanksgiving away from my family, so I'm curious to see how they do it. I don't think I have any cooking duties, so maybe I'll just sit back and eat and eat and..... eat :).

I may or may not post anything while I'm gone, so if not, I hope everyone has a happy, safe, wonderful thanksgiving.... there is a lot to be thankful for even in difficult times, and I hope we all focus on the good things in our lives.

Opa!

2008-11-24T07:59:00.001-08:00

This weekend was the Greek festival. Friday night I enjoyed the festival as an overeating, boozing visitor, Saturday I morphed into a Greek pizza making volunteer. I ate so much food this weekend. Between D and I, we ate about a million souvlaki (beef tenderloin marinaded in goodness and served on a stick), Lokumades (donut hole looking things with a hot honey glaze and powdered sugar), pastizio (a Greek pasta dish with meat), Greek salad (greek salad), gyro (thin slices of lamb/beef with veggies and a cucumber yogurt sauce), rice pudding (duh), and much more. I butchered the spelling on some of that stuff, so please forgive me :).

We met up with one of D's buddies from work on Friday, ate and drank at the festival, and then went to a bar in midtown. Saturday I missed my 10 mile run from overindulgence the night before, but we still woke up fairly early to be the the festival at 10. I was on my feet for the better part of 8 hours making pizzas, which was actually pretty fun. It was a good group in the booth, and I felt kind of like a short order cook. We assembled the pizzas, and then they went through a conveyor belt oven, which took about 3 minutes. There was definitely some back-up at points, because the kids preferred pizza over some of the other food, so it made us a popular booth. We finally left after dark and took our tired bones home.

I have a new found respect for anyone in a job where you are on your feet all day. My back was throbbing, my knees hurt, my arms were tired..... I was sore all over. I'm actually glad I missed my run, because there is no way I could have run 10 miles and then stayed on my feet all day. I'm going to make up my run tomorrow afternoon when I get off of work early for the Thanksgiving holiday.

Sunday we were slow to get moving in the morning, but we spent all day going from furniture store to furniture store looking for a new couch. We went by our new place and took measurements, and we found a pretty awesome chocolate brown leather couch. It's incredibly comfortable, and we got a really good deal. I LOVE buying stuff for the home, so it was an exciting day for me. We finished our long day of shopping at Pappas Burger, and then went to Swirll for some frozen yogurt. I crashed so hard last night, and now I'm just trying to make it a day and a half till my holiday begins!

Tuesday night ritual

2008-11-19T07:23:00.000-08:00

Every Tuesday night, I come home, go for a run, shower, and cook dinner. We eat dinner, and then we sit down to watch Eli Stone at 9pm. D and I LOVE Eli Stone. It's one of those shows we started watching on a whim last season, and we both connected with it. It's somewhat rare that D and I agree on television choices (he'd prefer to watch CNBC while I love the trashy, scandalous, horribleness of reality tv). We both look forward to this show, and it has become out Tuesday night ritual to cuddle on the couch and watch it. I like having small things in life that I can count on :).

Last night I decided to work on speeding things up, so I ran my first mile at a pace that was more than 3 minutes faster than normal. Of course, this meant I had to stop and walk for a bit afterwards, but it was good to know I had it in me. I need to work on endurance, but I also need to keep working somewhat on speed. Every once in a while. Occasionally :).

Tonight is more running, dinner, and Top Chef!!!!!!! That is one of those shows D isn't dying to watch with me, but I love, love, love it! Saturday is going to be insanity with a 10 mile run at 6am, volunteering at the Greek festival starting at 10am (come out and join us!!!), and a birthday party for one of D's buddies Saturday night. I'm going to be a limp ragdoll by the end of the evening, but on the upside, next week is a day and a half work week, and then D and I are headed to Frisco to spend Thanksgiving with his family. I love Thanksgiving. Love, love love it :).

Cold weather changes everything

2008-11-15T12:37:00.001-08:00

This morning it was probably somewhere around 40ish degrees when I woke up at 5am to meet my group for our 8 mile run. I put on my favorite Nike shorts, Team in Training shirt, and I threw on one of D's big long sleeved shirts for warmth. I honestly thought this would be okay, because it would warm up some as we ran, my body would heat up, and I'd be wishing to shed layers along the way if I dressed too warmly.

Well, I was wrong.

The sun did come out as we were running, and it probably did warm up slightly. However, it stayed pretty darn cold, and not only was it cold, but it was quite windy. The top half of my body was doing alright. It took some getting used to breathing in the cold air, and my nose was running and my eyes were watering, but it was manageable. What was going on in the lower half of my body was much harder to deal with.

Ever since chemo, I've had some problems with circulation. I frequently get numbness in my hands and feet, but it generally goes away pretty quickly as long as I apply some heat. Well, I didn't count on my legs going numb. From my hip flexor down to my knees, my quads were lifeless. It felt like I was running while carrying a ton of dead weight. It was the ODDEST sensation, but it served as a wake up call that cooler conditions mean dressing differently.

Post-run, we had our honored teammate breakfast, and as one of the teammates, I stuck around for a while after my run. It was actually really nice, I got to meet some more of my teammates, tell them a little bit more about me, and it made me all the more committed to what I was doing. D stopped by the breakfast to support me and meet some people, and I introduced him as they guy who doesn't kill me when the alarm goes off at 5am on Saturday mornings :).

After the breakfast, I immediately dragged myself over to Academy to invest in a pair of dryfit running pants. I have so long resisted anything tight, clingy, and long, but I finally realize why people wear them! I am going to be running in January, and I won't make it through 13 miles with dead legs. I also invested in some gloves, since one of the coaches had to loan me hers during the breakfast since my hands had lost all feeling, and a headband that also covers my ears. I think I have covered all the parts of me that tend to freeze up, so hopefully next weekend's run (if it is cold) will be a lot easier.

Not sure what's on the agenda tonight, but I can't seem to make myself leave bed right now. Saturday afternoons have become deliciously lazy. I come home from running, take a bath, put on pajamas, and crawl back into bed. Today I've been watching tv, sometimes I read, and sometimes I fall right back to sleep. I think a nap might be in order next.....

My new obsessions

2008-11-11T11:21:00.000-08:00

My new obsessions are happily very economical. I have really gotten into talk radio and podcasts. I listen to 740 ktrh on the way home from work everyday. It's interesting, that station definitely has a conservative slant, and sometimes I'm astounded by the things I hear (yes, that one was for you, Sean Hannity). Mostly I tune in for the Michael Berry show which starts at 5pm, which is generally when I get off of work. He's a conservative, but is willing to take a look at the other side, and I can respect that. He had me in stitches with his FEMA bashing after hurricane Ike. I would definitely put myself in the moderate to liberal category, but I think in order to believe what I believe, I need to know what the other side's take is as well.

Along the same lines of talk radio, I'm really into downloading podcasts for free to listen to while I run. For some reason, they keep me distracted more easily than music. Maybe it's because I can get new ones every day and not deal with any repeats. I've been listening to a bunch of health and nutrition related podcasts. I figure that it doesn't hurt to listen to talk about being healthy while I'm running and trying to be healthy. Extra motivation, I guess.

My day off has been fabulous so far, and I plan to continue on the path of laziness and do-nothingness :).

I got caught!

2008-11-10T14:19:00.000-08:00

I'm not really much of a shopper. I like new things, but I hate shopping, so I infrequently get new clothes unless my mother and sister go out shopping and bring me home some goodies.

This trait is a positive one considering D and I are in super saving mode. We want to cut spending and focus on putting money away for our future. In order to accomplish that goal, we have cut back in various ways including bringing our lunch to work, eating out less, enjoying wine nights at home instead of going out, and putting the kibosh on gratuitous shopping. Well..... I got caught this morning. :(

The one store that is my major downfall is Target. It's a store that I frequently enter because I need necessities such as toiletries and groceries, and I sometimes find myself gazing at cute, cheap clothing. A couple of weeks ago I gave into my desires and bought a cute dress that is work appropriate as well as "going out" appropriate for under $30. I thought this was a great deal, so I took it home, hung it in my closet, and conveniently forgot to tell D. :)

Well, this morning I put on my cute dress, thinking he will never notice. Oh, no, he noticed. Somehow my fiance has a photographic memory when it comes to my wardrobe, and he immediately asked me where I got the dress, how long I'd had it, etc. I cracked under the pressure and admitted that I had been..... gulp..... shopping. Luckily, D was cool about it, but I'm back in super saver mode now. Sometimes I forget that I'm combining my life and my finances and I have to think about more than just myself. Just a little self-revelation for the day :).

And things calm down

2008-11-10T10:45:00.000-08:00

My organization had our second walk this weekend, and it was crazy and zooey, but it went pretty well. I am quite glad to be done, though, because it means life around here is going to calm down a bit. It also means no more 3:30am wake up calls for a while.

An unfortunate consequence of the walk and being on my feet, running around for 8 hours was some serious tweaking of my back. I have had lower back problems for years, and the problems flair up when I am on my feet for an extended period of time, particularly when I am under stress. My plan yesterday was to go for my long run, but I decided in the interest of not permanently inflicting damage to my body, I would take the day off, rest and recuperate. A day did me good, and while I have some mild pain, I think I am alright for my run this evening.

Friday night my co-workers and I congregated for dinner at my co-worker AS's apartment. She made us a delicious meal of grilled beef in a honey ginger marinade, twice baked sweet potatoes, asparagus, and a pound cake recipe from cooking light. It was awesome, and we went through several bottles of wine. I'm very pleased that we were all able to wake up a mere few hours later and be on the ball at walk :). D and I also found out on Friday that we have been approved for our new apartment! We are going to be moving into a rather swank high rise apartment building. When we began our apartment search, we didn't anticipate it leading us to this kind of place, but we went looking on a whim, and we both fell in love. It is a pretty sweet place with lots of amenities, and we have an incredible 31st floor view. We'll be moving in January, so if you are my friend, expect me to beg for moving help :).

I spent yesterday being lazy. D and I went out for brunch, and then took a look over at Linens and Things. They are going out of business within the next couple of months, so we got a few odds and ends for the new place. I continued with laziness for the rest of the day.

Today is Monday, but we have tomorrow off from work (yay!). So, I'm slowly trying to get back into the groove of things. We are all pretty tired around here, but happy the walk went so well.

Elections, weddings, and running

2008-11-04T08:23:00.000-08:00

It's election day! I love it, one because I find it pretty exciting, especially considering what a huge, hyped election this will be, and secondly, because I am so ready for it to be over. Politics has dominated all news coverage over the past year, with the exception of the economy. I think America is tired of hearing it, tired of hearing negative campaigning, and ready for a new leader. I'll be watching election coverage tonight, courtesy of the "liberal elite media". ;) D forgot to change his registration to Houston, so he's actually driving to Austin this afternoon to cast his vote. I find this devotion to the political process very sexy :).

Weddings! My very dear friend, E, just got engaged, and she and I have been chitter chattering about weddings and engaged people stuff all over the place. It's very fun to have a friend going through this with you at the same time. D and I have just started wedding planning, and it's kind of a daunting process. It's also hard to agree on everything. We are trying to keep the numbers down, but with his list and my list alone, the numbers have already exploded. This does not include my parents and his parents. We are going to have to do some major paring down, because weddings are expensive! Wedding dress hunting online is one of my new favorite hobbies. I am not going to officially start looking until I get to the size I would like to be as a bride, which I'm hoping will be in the spring. But, I have a feeling it's going to take a while to find the right dress, so I'm going to start early.

Finally, running! This past Saturday was a 7 mile run, and I would venture to say it was the best run yet. It wasn't perfect, but I do sense my progress. It was dark for most of our run, but since the time change, we should be getting more light on our runs from now on. The only problem was the mosquitoes. Even when it gets a little cooler in Houston, we still have to contend with the humidity. Last night I did my 30 minute Monday run, and it went really well. I was able to complete the whole 30 minutes without too much trouble. Running is still not "easy" and I don't know that it ever will be for me, but it's getting "easier".

Now back to work, and waiting for the end of the day and election night!

Happy Halloween!

2008-10-31T07:13:00.000-07:00

It's Halloween again, and this year it falls on a Friday, which is always fun. I remember how hard it was as a little kid to get excited about going out trick-or-treating, and then the letdown of having to go to school the next day. I know a lot of people have wild and crazy Halloween plans involving drunk escapades and skimpy costumes, but my plans are a bit more tame this year. My sister is coming over to my mom's house with her three kids (ages 2, 4, and 6), and Uncle D and I are taking them trick-or-treating while my mom and sister stay behind and prepare dinner, hand out candy, and drink wine. We did this last year, and it was actually SO much fun. I love getting to see how excited the kids get, how cool they think it is that Uncle D is taking them out, and how they carefully filter through their candy, separating the good from the bad, trying to trade with one another, and figuring out how to gorge on as much as they can before their mom takes it away for the night.

Tomorrow morning is another 6am long run (7 miles this Saturday), so that is a small part of my tame Halloween plans. I was forced to miss last weekend's long run because of work, and I'll be forced to miss next weekend's as well. I've gotten back on track with my weekly runs this week, but I still feel like I have a long way to go, and a lot to make up. I'm going to try my hardest to stick with the program as best I can from now till marathon day. Life comes up, but I need to make this a priority. The fundraising has been the easy part for me. People have been so incredibly generous, but I need to remember the commitment that I made to follow through by taking on this challenge and doing more than just asking people for money. I want to be a living example of the good that comes from their donations. Not only am I back in good health, but I'm attempting to get in the best shape of my life, motivated by wanting to do better and be more in my post-cancer life.

I'll turn off those musings for a while. Needless to say, I've been getting down on myself lately for letting myself slack. I just need to keep remembering why I am doing this, and no matter how hard it might seem, it's nothing compared to what I have been through.

Anyway, Sunday is a joint birthday party for nephew Charlie (who just turned 5), and niece Ann-Marie (who turns 3 in November). Uncle D and I have some birthday gift shopping to do. It's tough getting stuff for kids who seem to have every toy known to man. Maybe we'll just end up getting the fun toys we want, and then making excuses to go over there and play with them :).

Sleep Deprived

2008-10-24T07:19:00.000-07:00

Honestly, the one week of my brief work career that I really need sleep.... and it's not going so well.

D and I are taking care of my mom's dog since she is out of town for a couple of days. Fine, Lucy is quite adorable, but also very needy. She normally sleeps on my mother's bed, basically on top of her. She craves human contact and gets scared of everything, including the dark. Well, last night she fell asleep downstairs and woke up around 2am. She proceeded to start barking and howling from downstairs in an effort to get someones attention. This woke me from an already restless sleep (I'm dreaming of work). I think both D and I tried to ignore it, until it became unignorable (not a word, but I'm making it one!). I went to the top of the stairs and began yelling at her to come up, which she eventually did, and she finally shut up.

Unfortunately, I was wide awake after that. D fell back to sleep, but I went to the other room with my computer to watch tv online and try to make myself tired again. It did not work. It's now 9:25am, and I have been awake since 2am. Tomorrow morning I'll be up at 6am to set up for our Sunday walk, and Sunday I have to wake up at 3:30am to arrive at 4:45am. Sigh. Sweet, sweet sleep, you will be out of my reach until next week.

I'm doing alright otherwise, the weather is starting to cool down, and it's pretty exciting. It means another mild Texas winter is almost upon us, Halloween is coming up, Thanksgiving after that, and then Christmas! This year D and I are spending Thanksgiving with his family and Christmas with mine, since we are beginning the tradition of flip flopping it every year. And then..... it's going to be time for the half-marathon! It blows my mind that it's so close. I ran for the first time in the chill last night (I can't quite call it cold, but it was chilly). It was an interesting experience. My throat got very dry and slightly pained, so I need to adapt.

It's a busy day in the office, so I'd better get to it!

A weekend on my own

2008-10-20T09:06:00.000-07:00

Anyone who knows D and I know that we generally spend most of our time together, especially on weekends, since life can get really busy during the week. However, this weekend he came home on Friday night and said a few of his buddies were planning on driving down to NOLA to gamble, drink, and engage in various other boy behavior. I was invited along, but I had things on my calendar, and plus, I would have been the one girl in the middle of a sausage-fest, which wouldn't have been fun for me, and it probably would have tempered the mood for the gentlemen. So, he took off for a trip without me, and I got to spend the weekend on my own.

Don't get me wrong, I love spending time with D. I planning on marrying him, so clearly I consider him worthy of my time. But it was SOOOOOO nice to be able to do what I wanted without having to take someone else into consideration. Friday night was pretty chill for me, since I was supposed to run 6 miles on Saturday morning. Well, somewhere Friday night, my stomach decided it had different plans for me, so the Saturday morning run didn't happen. I spent the day in bed watching the Sex and the City movie, as well as other girly shows that D won't watch with me, and it was awesome. I rallied enough to go to the Dynamos game Saturday night with a group. It was an awesome game, Dynamos won, and somehow I ended up at the 'quis till 2 am. Ooops!

Sunday morning I slept in, lounged in bed for a while, read a book, watched more tv, and basically vegetated. D returned home Sunday evening with presents for me from NOLA, and it was so good to see him. I rarely get the chance to actually miss him since we are always together, but it's a nice reminder of how much I love this man and enjoy and count on his presence in my life.

This week is going to be insanity. My organization is holding one of their fall walk fundraisers this weekend, so I'm going to be working from today through Halloween without a day off. I get tired just thinking about it, but hopefully everything will go smoothly.

I have lots of other things I have wanted to post about including the Presidential Debates, Sarah Palin on SNL, Mark Wahlberg talking to animals, and my newfound love of Paul Mitchell Skinny Serum, but the saltmines are calling me!

The aftermath

2008-10-09T07:43:00.000-07:00

I feel like I have been operating at half speed this week. Last weekend was definitely tough. It was very hard to say goodbye to my yia yia, and it hit me a lot harder than I expected. By the time Saturday night rolled around, I could barely keep my head up, I was so mentally and physically exhausted. I slept for about 12 hours that night, and it was that kind of dreamless sleep. I think I woke up in the same position I had fallen asleep in.

I've been getting back on my running schedule. Note to self: deviating from running schedule means intense pain and suffering when you get back on. These runs that were becoming easier for me in weeks prior have turned into tortuous exercises. It's kind of getting me down, but I keep trying to remind myself that I just have to stick with it, stay on schedule, and it will get better. This weekend we have an 8 mile run, and it's scaring me crapless. I'm trying not to psych myself out, because that just makes things worse, but I'm still terrified. I just don't want to feel like I am failing.

In totally shallow hair news, My hair has gotten to the point where I can straighten it and wear it down without a headband. This feels like a huge victory for me. I'm even able to kind of pull it into the world's tinest ponytail when I run, with the aid of a running headband, and 5,000 bobby pins. Kind of exciting!

My grandmother

2008-10-02T13:22:00.001-07:00

My grandmother passed away on Tuesday morning at the age of 94. My yia yia (the word for grandmother in Greek), was an incredible lady who lived a full life, and I cannot believe she is gone.

She was a tiny little lady, but so full of strength. She loved her family, her friends, and her church. She married the love of her life, and spent 63 years with him before he passed away 5 years ago. She traveled the world, moved to a new country and started a life with her family, and embraced everyone she came across. My grandparents were always a stable, consistent presence in my life. When I was a child, sick days were always spent at their home. My yia yia would make me toast with homemade raspberry jam, omelets with feta cheese, and mashed potatoes. I think out of all the things she ever cooked, her mashed potatoes were the only thing that wasn't made from scratch. She used boxed instant mashed potatoes, but even despite that, they were still the best mashed potatoes I ever tasted, and I could never replicate them myself.

My yia yia loved to socialize. Her home was always full of people, whether it be family, out of town visitors, or someone who dropped by to have coffee. She was the consummate hostess, there was always something to be served, always coffee to be brewed, always conversation to be had. She was very involved in the Houston Greek Festival. She was one of the little old ladies who worked behind the scenes to produce the massive amounts of food served at the festival. I am saddened by the fact that I won't ever have my yia yia's tiropitis (cheese puffs) again.

When my yia yia lost my papou (grandfather), she was beyond devastated. She spent the next five years having many conversations with him, even though ht was gone. She was certain that he could hear her. When I got a new car a couple of years ago, my yia yia gave me a picture of my papou to put in the glove compartment because according to her "Papou loved car trips, so he will take them with you."

My yia yia was a woman of great faith. She was a devout attendee of the Greek Orthodox church for most of her life. When I was diagnosed with cancer, she initially became infuriated with God, convinced (according to her) "he made a mistake." However, my yia yia couldn't stay made at God for very long, so she decided to pray my cancer away. She visited the Greek monestary outside of Houston almost weekly, asking for prayers, giving money, getting prayer bracelets. She made phone calls to the church in Greece, she asked for prayers in the church her, and she was certain that she and God were a team, and together they would make my cancer go away. Well, I sit here today cancer-free, so Yia Yia, you did a great job. To this day, my yia yia is the only woman over 90 I've ever seen wearing a Livestrong bracelet, and she wore it almost to her death.

My yia yia always hoped she would live to see one of her grandchildren get married. Unfortunately, that did not happen, but she was so happy when D and I got engaged. She loved him frmo the first moment they met, when he gently kissed her hand, a gesture that went beyond any language barriers that might exist. When she found out about the engagement and saw my ring, she immediately launched into when the wedding would be. We didn't have a date, said maybe sometime next year, and she gave me some of the sagest advice I have ever received: "No one is ever ready to get married, you just do it." I think that is a testament to how sharp her mind remained even though her body failed her.

The night before she passed, the whole family gathered together to say our goodbyes and make our peace. We didn't know when the end would come, but we knew it was soon. My yia yia had taken a turn for the worse, and couldn't really speak. I know she knew we were all there, and I think that gave her the peace she needed to let go. The next morning, with my aunt and my mother by her side, she took her last breath.

I am very sad, but I am also happy that she is no longer in pain. The last year of her life was very difficult because she was in poor health. I would like to think that my yia yia and my papou, the loves of each others lives, are together now, looking over all of us. I hope they are happy, and I know that their memory will live on with us forever.

Power, no power, power, no power

2008-09-25T05:41:00.000-07:00

I think I could live without power if I HAD TO. I think I could live without always having tv and computer and stuff at home..... as long as I still had access at work. :) What I cannot live without is air conditioning in the city of Houston in a home that has windows painted shut, and even if they weren't, has no screens to keep out the scores of bugs trying to take up residence with us. Sharing a bed upstairs with a big guy when the temp is 85 degrees inside doesn't lead to a restful nights sleep.

We made the most of our situation. Lots of eating out, lots of drinking red wine outside until it became dark, playing cards, taking baths by candle/flashlight, counting change (yes, we actually counted and rolled tons and tons of change), hanging out with neighbors (one of the best parts of having no power-- new friends who don't have power either!), and talking. We live in a world where we are so distracted by technology that we can forget the simple pleasures of conversation with loved ones.

Well, even though I think I could live without power, I definitely didn't mind when it came back on Saturday afternoon. D and I had taken adorable niece Ann-Marie out to lunch and to play for the afternoon to get out of the sweltering house. We got the phone call around 3pm that the power had returned, and it was awesome, awesome news. D told me that if I chose to be more excited about that announcement than our engagement, it was okay. He would understand.

We celebrated by buying several bottles of champagne and drinking in our air conditioned home. I wish I could have physically hugged my power. I will never take it for granted again. Saturday night, I shot straight up in bed while sleeping, because I had a nightmare the power went out again. I kept looking up to see if the ceiling fan was still spinning, and I was able to release a sigh of relief when I saw it was. Sunday and Monday were spent relishing our once-again pleasant home, doing laundry, cleaning.... all those thing you neglect during a power outage. I was getting used to being back to normal again when tragedy struck.

We lost power on Tuesday afternoon. I literally felt like I had been punched in the gut, dumped, spat on, and then rolled in dirt. I almost cried. I was sure that since we lost it after getting it back, it would be months before it was restored again. They are projecting some people without power now won't get it back until NOVEMBER. Wow. It just felt so cruel to give it back to us for a couple of days and then take it away. Everyone I have spoken to has agreed that is worse than never getting it back at all.

Well, this story has a happy ending. Apparently, the AT&T guys were working on some telephone poles and accidentally knocked out the power to our block. My very..... feisty neighbor saw them out here window and went out to give them a piece of her mind. They assured her it would be fixed before the evening was over, and sure enough, it was. Power, I will never, ever take you for granted, I will love you and hug you, and treat you like the glorious being that you are forever!

So, that's the power situation. I still have some friends without power, and I openly welcome them to use our home to their hearts' content.

So, in running news, our Saturday run went on. We did 5.5 miles, and it was really strange showing up at 6:30am when it was still dark, and having Memorial Park be almost completely dark since power had not been restored to the street lamps. We left the park for our run, and I am excited that I was able to do the first almost 3 miles without stopping. We took a water break, and the rest of the run back was a bit harder for me. I struggle after the first time I walk in a run, and I need to work on that. I am also having terrible lower back pain. It's just on my left side, but it really got to me by the second half of the run. I did a walk/jog, but I did jog more than I walked, which felt good. Next up is 6 miles, and I'm curious to see how I can do. I've been giving my back a few days rest, because the last thing I want is any injury getting in the way of me completing this event!

Fundraising has been going awesome, so many thanks to everyone that has donated, and much time is left for anyone who still wants to!

My City

2008-09-17T11:31:00.001-07:00

My city has been battered and bruised. Hurricane Ike made it's way through the Texas Gulf Coast and has left its citizens to deal with the destruction left in it's wake.

In a lot of respects, we here in Houston are lucky. It could have been a lot worse. Galveston was not so lucky. It is going to be a long time before they are able to get that city up and running again. Flooding, wind damage, fire..... all of those things destroyed an island that is a second home to many Houstoneans, a first home to lots of people, and a special place for even more.

Driving around Houston, you can see the signs that the hurricane went through here. Downed power lines, torn up billboards, uprooted trees, destroyed fences, blown out windows, business closed and boarded up, hours long lines at the gas stations that are open.... it's almost eery that a city that is so alive and bustling all the time is operating at half speed.

I miss power. Pretending to be like our pioneering ancestors was fun for about the first 5 minutes, and then you realize all that you don't have when you don't have power. No fridge, no stove, no oven, no washing machine, no television, no internet, no dvd players, no lights, no AIR CONDITIONING. However, we do have running water, and we do have a home, so all in all I consider us lucky. D and I played cards by candlelight last night. We may be doing that for up to a month, depending on when power is restored.

Please keep Houston, Galveston, and all the communities devastated by Hurricane Ike in your thoughts and prayers. It is going to take some time to get back up on our feet, but we have a strong community down here, and we'll make it happen.

Hurricane Ike is Coming

2008-09-12T08:21:00.000-07:00

So, the only thing on anyone's minds, from Houstoneans to the media, is Hurricane Ike. The good news is that it provides a happy distraction from the insane over-coverage of Sarah Palin. The bad news is that it is coming straight for my city, and the media keeps tossing around terms like "certain death". Granted, the "certain death" is meant for those who are staying in Galveston, but it still terrifies me.

I almost feel ashamed for admitting this, but D and I evacuated yesterday. We left Houston yesterday afternoon and came to his parents house just north of Dallas. I was afraid for the kind of gridlock that Hurricane Rita brought (it took my mother and sister 15 hours to get to Conroe, a normally 45 minute trip), but it wasn't so bad. It took us two hours to get past Conroe, but after that, with a few exceptions, traffic was flowing pretty well. It only took us about an extra 2 hours to make the trip, which was considerably better than I had anticipated.

My entire family and most of my friends stayed behind, and that terrifies me. I think they will be alright, but it has been a long time since a storm of this strength has been on a path for a direct hit of Houston. The idea of 100 mph winds in my neighborhood makes me sick. My mom and my sister have plenty of water and non perishable food, but I am still scared!

Please keep Houston in your thoughts and prayers, there is no dodging this bullet, but we are hoping for the best case scenario.

Stand up to Cancer

2008-09-08T09:36:00.001-07:00

I am really, really disappointed that I didn't get to see Stand up to Cancer on Friday night. I had to attend a work event that I organized, and unfortunately, we don't have Tivo at home. However, I have read about the event and the incredible amount of money they have raised, and I am excited and proud. There isn't a lot to be excited about when you get cancer, but I am proud to be a part of a community that is so strong and so determined to give back. Being a member of the cancer club is not a membership that people want, but it creates a bond between its members that people on the outside can't quite understand.

I am proud to be a survivor. I am proud that I am doing something to ensure that we cut off membership from this club. For a couple months, Stand up to Cancer was airing a commercial prior to movies in the theater featuring celebrities literally standing up while an Eddie Vedder song played in the background and Sidney Poitier narrated. Every single freakin time that commercial aired, I found myself getting incredibly choked up... but also moved. Moved that so many as as determined as I am to put an end to this horrible epidemic.

Saturday morning was a run out at Memorial, but prior to the run, it was time for me to introduce myself to the group. I am an honored teammate this season for Team Memorial, which means I kind of serve as living proof of why people are out there. I don't think many people knew at that point that I was the girl whose bio page on the Team in Training website talked about her cancer story. I think most people just thought I was another runner out there. Next weekend is the honored teammate breakfast which I am unable to attend, so I wanted to say hello and thank everyone for getting involved. As I stood on a picnic table and looked out into the crowd of about 50 or so faces, I started getting choked up again. My voice was very shaky as I addressed the crowd, but I didn't cry. I told them a little bit about my cancer story, how I got involved with Team in Training, and I said thank you to everyone. I shudder to think of how I sounded, of how my voice must have squeaked, but I hope I gave people a little more motivation/inspiration? I don't know, I'll do anything to get people as excited as I am about finding a better, faster, more efficient cure for blood cancer!

Saturdays run was 4 miles, and it was awesome. Awesome weather, and something just "clicked". Definitely my best run yet. D and I hopped to Frisco after that, went to a Beach Boys concert with his folks on Saturday night, and then celebrated his mom's birthday party on Sunday evening. Needless to say, we didn't make it home until very late last night, and I am very tired today, but it was a good weekend. Very good weekend.

Headed to F-Town

2008-09-05T07:27:00.000-07:00

D and I are headed to Frisco, TX this weekend for his mother's 60th birthday. His dad knows we are coming, but his mom doesn't, so hopefully it will be a happy birthday surprise for her. D's dad is throwing her a party on Sunday afternoon, so I'm sure every single one of their friends will bombard us with questions about when we are getting married. It seems to be a popular theme lately.

I have a 4 mile run tomorrow morning before we can hit the road. Running is still certainly NOT easy for me.... but I am getting better. Kelsey and I were able to run for 25 minutes on Tuesday night. That might not sound awesome to anyone who actually runs, but it was HUGE for the two of us. I was kind of hoping the Rocky soundtrack would start blaring after we'd finished, and we could pump our fists and jump up and down. Oh wait, we could hardly breathe, so maybe it would have been more like collapsing on the ground gasping.

Wednesday night was our track night at Memorial. The purpose is to help us with speed. Sometimes I think I should be working on going further rather than going faster, but it's only one night a week, and I figure it's something different to keep it interesting. Fast is something I'm definitely not right now.... but I think I might be getting a little faster? Day by day? That's how I've got to take this event!

I got my race packet in the mail yesterday for a Komen 5K in October. I figured it would be good to see what an official "race" is like, and it's a good cause. In my spare time, when I'm not curing blood cancers, I like to focus on the other cancers as well :).

So..... keep up the donations, and I'll keep up the running! :)

Relationships

2008-09-02T10:07:00.000-07:00

Relationships are tricky. Whether they be relationships with your significant other, relationships with friends, relationships with family.... there is no such thing as a simple relationship. At least when you are discussing relationships you care about.

The good news is that my relationship with D is stronger than ever. I think that once you make the decision to spend your life with someone, and plans for the future become more real, it solidifies the bond between two people. We are solid, and it's an amazing feeling. We spent a lot of the weekend just talking with one another, discussing our hopes and dreams and desires for the future.

Other relationships.... are troubled. I have faith that bridges will heal, but it will take time.

Gosh, that all sounds kind of cryptic :).

In less serious news, I went to IKEA for the first time this weekend. Apparently D and I, along with half of Houston, decided that this was the place to be over labor day weekend. We are looking for furniture, since we will be moving within the next few months, and while law school furniture is awesome and all, we'd like something new. Sadly, furniture is expensive as hell, so IKEA it was! We sifted through a lot of stuff we didn't like, but ended up finding a whole living room worth of furniture that we did like. No purchases on this trip, but we took pictures, and it's in our minds for when we make the jump to a new place.

We also went to the Dynamos game on Sunday night with a group, and it was very fun. Probably a few too many drinks, but it was a merry good time. Soccer games are pretty fun to watch.

Today I am battling with the two sides of my brain. One is telling me to go indulge in some wings for lunch, the other prompting me to eat well. I have actually shed a few pounds, so it would be nice to continue the trend....

Blasted Wings and Things across the street from my office!!!!!

Wild Wedding Weekend

2008-08-25T14:10:00.000-07:00

Samantha and Joe got married this weekend in a lavish and beautiful wedding. Samantha and I have been friends since freshman year of high school, and I am so happy that I could be a part of her special day. The weekend started on Thursday night with a couples shower, then went into Friday night with the rehearsal and dinner, and finally, Saturday arrived.

The reception was awesome. Open bar, excellent food, and a totally awesome band. Seriously, I think I found the band I want for my wedding. They played all the songs that everyone knows and loves, they had this amazing energy, and the lead singer's name was "Shang" and he had a rat tail/jerry curl. I'm not exactly sure which one it was, but it was awesome.

And.... D agrees with me! He liked the band too! We made a joint decision! Now, we may not have a date, location, budget, or anything else, but we found a band we love. This band was so good that after several glasses of champagne, D even came out on the dance floor. That is practically unprecedented. I wish I had it on film. No one will ever believe me. He denies it ever happened :).

The night ended with several old friends congregating at Lizzard's pub for old times sake. Nell even pulled out high school pictures, and we all went back.... back in time, back to our beginnings :).

The low down

2008-08-20T07:19:00.000-07:00

This post doesn't have any particular focus, it's more of a catch up of what I have been up to.

The only real downer about doing Team in Training is that my Friday nights have to be fairly tame. Enough sleep and no hangover makes for a better Saturday morning run. Last Friday night, D and I went to Mixers and Elixers at the Museum of Natural Science. I had a couple of cocktails, browsed the gem vault, checked out the geosphere, and we caught the Grand Canyon movie on IMAX. It was very fun, and we got home around 10ish. Well, D ended up going out with some friends, and while that didn't bother me.... I just wanted to go out too. :). It's somewhat of a foreign concept to me to not go out drinking with a group when there is a group drinking.

However, I thanked myself on Saturday morning when I went to Memorial Park. We are currently meeting at 7am, but it will change to 6am once we increase our running distances. The run itself was pretty rough, I wasn't feeling as good as I had the previous week, but I somehow managed to cut 4 minutes off my time. I consider that I small victory.

I spent much of the rest of Saturday alternately napping and watching Olympics. D and I went out Saturday night with a big group for El Tiempo, and then we went back to Erin and Stephen's to watch more Olympics and drink. I so, so, so love American swimmers. And not just Michael Phelps. He's great, but there are a few others that I have even greater affection for (Aaron Piersol, Ryan Lochte, Jason Lezak, MWAH).

Sunday was spent running errands and being lazy. We saw Tropic Thunder, which was an awful, awful movie. Controversy aside, I don't understand the critical acclaim the movie has received. In no way, shape, or form was it funny, and Jack Black's character makes you want to tear out part of the movie screen just so you don't have to watch his train wreck of a performance. Just my two cents.

Tonight is my first TNT track night, which helps us work on speed, breathing, and the other stuff besides just distance. I look forward to it, only because I have accepted that I suck, and I need all the help I can get :). But the good news is that I am out there doing it, I am sticking with the program, I have been doing every run according to the training schedule on my own, and I feel kind of proud of myself. This is such a huge endeavour for me, I've NEVER been a runner.

Tonight the friends also come in town!!!!!! Samantha is getting married this weekend, so she, Nell, Chacko, and I will all be reunited for the next few nights to participate in wedding related extravaganzas. I am very excited to see them all, spend time with them, and have a fabulously tipsy reunion.

I adore my friends!

I'm (almost) a runner!

2008-08-12T14:32:00.000-07:00

So, this past Saturday marked my first official training with Team in Training. It was so cool to see how many people are supporting the cause and raising money! Now, over the past month or so, I have started doing interval training-- the walk/run approach to begin becoming a runner.

Mind you, calling what I am doing "running" is really overstating it. I'm jogging. I'm jogging incredibly slowly. I can power walk faster than I can job. But, all those things aside, I have made some progress, and while I still can't run a whole three miles without walking, I can run MORE than I walk, and I can run for longer intervals than I could when I started.

It was SO hot and humid during the run, but luckily a girl I went to college with has signed up with Team in Training also. She and I are about on the same level, so we jogged together, and I think having someone there helped me to push myself a little further. I am in the slowest running group (I run about a 14 minute mile right now), but the point is that I am out there doing it!!! I hope speed will happen a little later on as I get better with the endurance part of it, but regardless of whether I have to run, walk, or crawl, I am going to be crossing that finish line.

Besides, I have all those Olympic athletes on tv right now to encourage me. Have you seen their abs???? I'm training for 2012, baby!

It was a pretty good trip :)

2008-08-08T11:07:00.000-07:00

Chicago was amazing, fantastic, best trip ever...... I celebrated my birthday... and made some plans for the future.

An August 4, 2008, my 26th birthday, the man I love got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. Of COURSE I said yes. It was a magical, romantic, and wonderful proposal, one that caught me totally off guard. Want the full story? Travel back in time with me, to one month ago......

Ok, so if you read my blog, you know that for D's 30th birthday, I surprised him with a trip to Chicago and tickets to three games at Wrigley. He loved the present, and I guess felt like he had to top me for my birthday. Anyway, apparently the idea of proposing had been spinning in his head for a while, so he just needed to figure out the right way to do it.

Enter the Cubs. They came in town for a three game series against the Astros in July. D sent me off to go get us some beers, and he proceeded to go down and catch the attention of the Cubs general manager. He explained that he wanted to propose, that we were going to be in Chicago, and the guy gave D his card and told him to give his office a call.

In the meantime, I remained oblivious while D picked out a ring and got us ready and set for the trip. The week before the trip, D told me that he had purchased us tickets for a tour of Wrigley field that happened to be on my birthday. I agreed, thought it could be cool, but was a little insulted that he was referring to it as my birthday gift. D also confessed to me that he had been so busy at work and so overwhelmed by trying to match my gift, that he hadn't gotten me anything, and he would buy me something I liked in Chicago. I was kind of hurt by this, I felt like he didn't care enough to do something, but I let it slide.

So, we travel to Chicago, and our first two days there are amazing. However, every time we pass by a store, D asked me if I saw anything I liked. He purchased me some small items like t-shirts and other souvenirs, and he kept asking me if he had "bought enough". I just gave up on the idea of a real birthday gift, and I threw myself into enjoying the trip.

On Monday, we woke up to yucky, rainy weather, which apparently caused D anxiety. The rain stopped in the afternoon though, just in time for our tour. We showed up for this tour of Wrigley, and I went to stand in the line that had formed while D went to pick up the tickets. He went to the will call window, but ended up having to go inside to the administrative offices. He came back out with a story about how they had a record of his tickets, but they didn't print them. I just believed what he said, even though it seemed weird. Turns out our whole tour was comped by the Cubs because of the special ending.....

Anyway, so the tour as quite interesting, but it was very hot and humid, since it had been raining all morning. D suggested bagging out on the tour a couple times to go across the street to an air conditioned bar. Turns out this was him just trying to lead me further astray. The tour ended down by the field, and at the end of the tour, people are supposed to be able to go down onto the field to take pictures. Only problem for our tour is that the players had already started warming up for the game that night, so they weren't letting people out there. This too caused D great anxiety, as it was about to ruin his plans.

I was in a totally oblivious state, taking pictures of the players, while D was getting the attention of someone on the field, and trying to explain without letting me know that we needed to get down there. They called the GM's office to make sure D was who he said he was, and eventually led us down on the field. We handed off the camera to a staff member, and we posed for a picture. I grabbed my bag to leave the field, when I turned and saw D drop to one knee and pull a box out of his pocket. He opened the box revealing the most beautiful ring I have ever seen. he then asked me to marry him.

I. was. a. mess. I was crying and laughing and shaking and squealing all at the same time. I think at some point I actually said "yes", but my actions gave away my answer. We hugged and kissed and celebrated right there, 10 feet away from the Cubs who were warming up. It was pretty cool.

We went and had a celebratory beer and called out families, and then returned for that night's game. The flashed a "Congratulations" and out names across the scoreboard, which was very cool. The game ended up getting rained out in the fifth inning due to incredibly severe rain, lightening, and tornadoes, but we just played in the rain and had an awesome time.

I'm still flying so high right now. I'm getting married!!!!!!!!!

Off to Chi-town!

2008-08-01T14:04:00.000-07:00

I'm off to the Windy City for 5 fabulous days of vacation. Baseball, beer, food, museums, Second City, fancy hotel.... I can't wait. You won't hear from me until after I return, but hopefully I will have fun stories to share.

I'm in desperate need of vacation. Maybe my jaw will unclench. :)

I'll also be celebrating my 26th birthday on Monday. Happy birthday to me! If you want to get me a gift, make a donation to my run!!!!!

http://pages.teamintraining.org/txg/houston09/klilienstern

See y'all next week!

One minute

2008-07-31T07:27:00.000-07:00

I have recently learned that a single minute can seem like the longest time period EVER. When there is one minute left in the day at work, I anxiously sit on my hands, waiting for the clock to strike 5. It literally seems as though it is going to be 4:59 forever, and I will be stuck in the office permanently, when all I can think about is going home, playing with the dog, eating dinner, running, and spending time with D.

One minute seems interminable when I am running. I'm doing an interval training program where I increase the time I am running and decrease the time I am walking each week. The last minute of my last run feel like it will never end. I feel like my body can't go one more step, like I want to fall down, curl into the fetal position, and die.

I was reminded again yesterday how long one minute can seem when it is your last minute in the cat scan machine. After several minutes of having to lay perfectly still, as soon as you know you are in the last minute, you get overrun by a sense of claustrophobia, you feel like the circular walls are closing in on you, you feel like screaming to let you out.

One minute. One tiny minute can seem so friggin long.

I prefer steak to liquid barium

2008-07-29T12:13:00.000-07:00

Last night's Fleming's dinner was incredible. Wedge salad, medium rare steak oscar (with lump crabmeat and Bearnaise), chipotle mac n cheese, blue cheese mashed potatoes, grilled asparagus, molten chocolate cake, and cheesecake. I know, totally contrary to my weight loss goals, but hellllllllaaaaaaa good. I wish I didn't love food so much. I wish I were happy munching on celery instead of steak. I wish I didn't crave cheese, meat, bread, chocolate.... oh well. I guess it's everything in moderation, although moderation seems to be my problem!

But the night was lovely, and I enjoyed some quality time with my mom and D.

Tomorrow's cuisine isn't nearly as delectable. Tomorrow is MD Anderson day. I go in every 3 months for a series of tests to make sure my cancer hasn't returned. I usually walk around feeling like a bad-ass cancer survivor, but those days make me feel vulnerable, scared, and sick all over again. I'll be poked and prodded and made to feel like a patient number as opposed to a human being. That's not to knock the staff over there, they are really great, but they are so used to dealing with cancer patients, I think it becomes routine after a while.

The worst part is the catscan. I have to fast for several hours before the scan, and then I get to drink liquid barium in three LARGE doses over an hour and a half right before the scan. MMMM MMMM!!!! In case anyone was wondering, liquid barium at MD Anderson comes in three fruity, fun flavors! Berry, Banana, and Apple. The first time I had to have a scan right after I was diagnosed, I asked what the most popular flavor was, and the nurse said it was berry. Ever since then, I have been a berry barium kind of girl. I gag sitting here thinking of banana barium.

My catscan also involves an iodine contrast. That means they put an IV in my arm, and at hook my up to a machine that dispenses a shot of iodine at some point during the scan. If you haven't ever had an iodine contrast, it's the weirdest feeling. It makes your body feel like it's on fire. The sensation starts in your chest and moves all the way down to your toes. It also makes you feel like you need to urinate, which is awesome considering you are supposed to be sitting still and not moving.

There are other aspects to the scan which I won't go into detail about, but suffice it to say, it's not my favorite thing ever.

However, if these scans keep coming back to tell me that I am cancer-free, I'll have them every week. I just keep trying to remind myself this is one step closer to being declared "cured" (5 years from now!).

So, tomorrow night after barium-fest, I plan on indulging in something greasy that I don't prepare myself. Sigh. Thwarting my weight loss attempts again! Oh well, maybe God meant for me to be a substantial woman. :)

T-Minus 5 days to vacation!!!!

2008-07-28T07:37:00.000-07:00

I know it's Monday, I know I am supposed to be grumbly about returning to work after a long weekend.... but I am so psyched for our vacation to Chicago, that I don't care! D and I leave on Saturday morning for 5 blissful, wonderful, awesome days of vacation. It is my first real vacation since before cancer, so I am bouncing off the walls with excitement.

The weekend was pretty great. Friday night I met up with Erin and her cousin Kate (who incidentally is from Chicago, and responsible for helping me with many planning aspects of the trip) for margarita happy hour. As the night progressed, we met up with more people, returned to Erin and Stephen's house, and I played my first game of beer pong ever. I know, I went to Rice, how in the world have I not played beer pong before? I think beer pong is a dirty, dirty game. I mean, you bounce ping pong balls across a dirty plank of wood, and if you miss, they land on the floor or in a bush or some other equally yucky location. Have you ever taken a look at the water cup you dip the ball in at the end of a game? It's gray and murky. Disgusting!

However, I managed to put my feelings aside and play. I honestly don't remember if we won or lost, which probably means I was 14 sheets to the wind, and I didn't care. Luckily, sober boyfriend came to the rescue to drive us home.

I spent Saturday morning helping to pick up the last of my grandmother's things from her house and move them into storage. And then..... Nell came to town!!!!!!! Nell has been one of my fabulous best friends for over a decade now. She is getting married in a couple months, so she came in town to deal with some wedding details. She spent the night at my house and we went to dinner with Libby and her new boyfriend, and then hit up the 'Quis.

I am way too old for the Marquis. But every once in a while, with the right group of people, it can be fun.

Sunday was another awesome episode of Sunday Funday featuring water balloons. Yaaaaayyyyy water balloons. (sarcastic snicker) I'm just glad young kids don't have better aim.

Tonight my mom is taking D and I out to dinner for an early celebration of my birthday since she will be leaving town on Wednesday, and we are leaving for Chicago before she returns. I turn 26 one week from today! My sister asked me yesterday if I still got excited about birthdays, and I gave her a big "hell yeah!". I will for the rest of my life be grateful for every birthday I get to have, every experience I have along the way, and every candle I get to blow out.

And I will enjoy every single delicious bite of steak tonight at Fleming's. :)

STOP COMPLAINING!!!!!

2008-07-25T12:15:00.000-07:00

I am the first to admit that I can suffer from whiner-itiss. I'll whine to friends, wondering when the day will end, why Houston drivers are so dumb, why can't I have the body of a supermodel while eating wings and drinking beer.... I get it. Everyone whines, everyone has some moments of "why me".

What I CANNOT stand are people who complain constantly, who bemoan the state of their lives, who constantly proclaim their negativity and problems from the rooftops. I am so sick of people seeking sympathy by rehashing every miserable detail of their lives, instead of throwing that energy into trying to change their lives.

I thought a lot about this when I was writing my fundraising letter. I did not want to focus too much on what cancer was like for me, because frankly, I didn't want to bring people down in what was supposed to be an uplifting letter. I think I managed to strike the appropriate balance of heart-string pulling and positivity (at least I hope I did).

There are some people in my life who feel the need to complain and be negative about everything, no matter how good they might have it. I am so sick of these people, and maybe I just need to extricate them from my life.

Since I choose not to be too specific, I'll just post a general message to everyone: Please, please take a moment and look at all the good, happy, wonderful things in your life. Please focus on the positive instead of the negative. Please find a way to make the most out of your God given skills and talents, and don't focus on what you cannot do. The world will be a better, happier place for it.

Although, I do realize the irony of my complaining about people complaining, I think it served a good purpose, and now I'm going to go think about happier things, like a nice weekend full of fun stuff. :)

I really, really love baseball

2008-07-22T12:46:00.000-07:00

I haven't always loved baseball, but it is far and away my favorite sport now. I thought it was boring and slow as a kid, but since I've gotten older and given it a chance, I'm turned into a major baseball face.

D loves baseball even more than I do, so we watch a lot of the sport. This past weekend, the Cubs were in town, and we went to both the Friday and Saturday night games. His folks came in town for the Saturday game, so we were four baseball fans spending a day at the ball park. Very cool.

This morning I had the opportunity to attend a commercial shoot advertising my nonprofit's fall walk to cure the disease. We have a partnership with the Houston Texans, and we got Mario Williams as our spokesperson this year. I'm not a huge football fan, but Mario Williams will forever be the guy that took Vince Young's spot in Houston in my eyes. However, I find it very cool that he is willing to be our spokesman, and he is apparently quite good. He came out this morning all suited up, and he was very sweet to the 10 kids we recruited to be in the commercial. The kids were extremely adorable, and they were excited to be a part of it. The funny thing was that Toro, the Texans mascot, was also present and in the commercial. Some of the younger kids didn't have a clue who Mario Williams was, so they ignored him and showered all their attention on Toro. Not that they knew who Toro was, but I bet he definitely seems cooler than a real person to a kid.

All in all, a pretty interesting day!

Time to fundraise!

2008-07-20T10:22:00.000-07:00

I spent this weekend sending out my fundraising letter, and I am so gratified by the donations already starting to roll in. I am so inspired by the generosity I am already witnessing from people. It means so much knowing that people really support what I am doing. My goal is to raise at least $4,000, but I'd like to go beyond that. I feel a certain sense of responsibility as a cancer survivor to help prevent future generations of people from having to endure what I went through. The way I see it, thousands of people have run and raised money for LLS in the past. What if the drugs that sent me into remission were developed from those dollars? What if I am alive today because someone decided to step up and do something to stop cancer? What if I can now be that person for someone in the future???

I have never been so motivated in my life to achieve something. I am scared to death of the running part, but I know there is something deeper driving me. I know I am going to do it. I just know it.

In case any of you all missed my fundraising email, overlooked the link on facebook, and have essentially been hiding under a rock as I have been blabbering about it all over the place, here is the link to my webpage in the event you would like to make a donation: http://pages.teamintraining.org/txg/houston09/klilienstern

Going through this process has really brought up some emotions that I have buried just beneath the surface about all the cancer stuff. I boggles my mind that a year ago I was sick. I wish I could find words to describe what it is like to wake up every morning wondering if you are going to be able to beat the disease inside of you or if it is going to win. It's so scary to be 24 or 25 years old and have to seriously think about your mortality. As I said in my last post, I'm able to objectively talk about my cancer today, but it doesn't take digging too far to really stir up some emotions.

Alright, serious stuff over.

Just be aware, friends, that in upcoming months, I'll be trying to take your money :). I love you all for supporting me!!!

I'm going to cure cancer!!!!!

2008-07-16T12:23:00.000-07:00

I went to my Team in Training informational meeting last night, and I feel like I have been walking (or running) on air ever since. It was so completely inspiring, it just made me so excited about this journey I have decided to embark upon.

The meeting was small, only about 15 or so people, but they had TNT staff there, all of whom have participated in different TNT events and raised money for the cause, and they also have someone who is an "honored teammate". Each running group (I will be a member of the Memorial Park running group) has a couple of honored teammates. They are people who are currently going through cancer treatment. I feel like I met a kindred spirit last night in one of the honored teammates, a girl named Daphne. I walked in last night, and I could immediately tell she was a cancer patient because of her shaved head. She introduced herself, and asked me how I heard about TNT/decided to get involved. I told her I was a recent cancer survivor, and I decided to get involved after seeing how cool it was watching my sister and cousin run and raise funds for LLS last year. Well, that just got us off and running, talking about oncologists, losing hair, being a young cancer patient (she is 20, diagnosed with non-Hodgkin's lymphoma last December). We chatted right up until the meeting started, and she was so inspirational to me. Sometimes I get far enough away from my treatment that I forget the horror of actually having to go through it, how tough it is on your body, how awful it is to lose your hair, how different it makes you feel from everyone else.

During the meeting they discussed the different events that they train people for, the fundraising process, and they showed a video about team in training which really pumped me up. They featured testimonials about the coaches they provide you with, the feeling of going from zero to marathoner in a few months, the awesome feeling of being a cancer survivor and proving to yourself that you can do something like this.... I almost broke down in tears about 30 times. I can talk about my cancer pretty objectively now, but you don't have to go too far under my skin to find my emotions.

I know the video is made to suck people in, but I have my own real life testimonials from Sue and Dana (sister and cousin) about how awesome the experience was. I attended their marathon last January, and I saw how everyone wearing a purple TNT shirt recognized you as someone who was rooting for them. It was an awesome feeling of a community united by a common cause, and it is something I want to be a part of.

So, I'm officially registered, and within a couple of days, they will email me the tools to set up my fundraising website. So, friends and family, watch out, because I'm coming after your money!!!

For the last time.... I'll tell you when I AM engaged!!!

2008-07-15T11:38:00.000-07:00

Dear everyone,

I am not engaged. I am in a serious relationship with marriage in my future, but I am not officially engaged yet. I do wear a "promise" ring on my left finger, but it doesn't mean that I am planning my wedding. Trust me, when the time comes, you will know.

Love, Kelli

Seriously, I get asked this question more frequently than any other. I think once a couple in their mid twenties and beyond has been in a serious relationship for over 6 months, people start swarming them, posing the marriage question, asking when babies are coming, wondering what city they will retire in. World, please! Slow down! Relax!

I love D with all my heart, and he loves me too. But we spent the past year dealing with some pretty heavy crap, and now we are taking time to enjoy our relationship without it revolving around cancer. There are some people in my life that the first thing they ask me every time I see them is "When are you getting married?" Please don't ask me this question. If I am happy with the state of my relationship, you should be happy too.

Some of the worst offenders are members of our own families. Apparently, over the 4th of July, D was grilled individually and collectively by his parents about when he would be proposing. Hey, note to world: guys aren't really into pressure. Lay off! The other night my elderly grandmother told me she wants me to get married before she dies. Suuurrreeeeeee, THAT doesn't make me feel any guilt!

Forgive me if I sound frustrated, but I am. I've never been in a happier place with my relationship, my life, my job, my friends.... but people seem to think something must be lacking if I don't have a (bigger) ring on my finger.

So, for now, please let us exist in a sinful peace, let us live together, have fun, and we'll get back to you when we have plans.

Sunblock Application Lessons

2008-07-14T09:02:00.001-07:00

I could really use one of those. Even after almost 26 years, I still haven't managed to master the finer points of sunblock application.

This weekend was river floating in New Braunfels, and it was awesome. I had been a river floating virgin, but now I wish I could go every weekend. The weather was perfect, I felt relaxed, the beer stayed cold.... it was just an ideal way to spend a weekend.

I'm a little lobsterish today, though. I am totally loving those new spray on sunscreens, but I missed a few spots. It leaves me with some very random circles of red around my body, which is mildly uncomfortable. I'm lucky enough to be blessed with olive skin, so the red will soon turn to tan..... but then I'll be left with weird tan lines. Oh well, I consider it a small sacrifice to the river floating Gods :).

I think the weekend was a success, we gossiped, talked about the wedding, ate penis cake, and drank lots. Sleep was something I didn't do a lot of, so I'm now starting my Monday under the weather.

Tomorrow night is my Team in training informational meeting, and I'm so excited. I think it's going to be really motivating and get me even more excited about running. Running is still seeming pretty daunting right now, but I've started my training, and while it's going to be a gradual process, I'm ready for the challenge.

Penis slap

2008-07-11T10:56:00.000-07:00

It's bachelorette party time! I'm leaving tomorrow for New Braunfels to celebrate Maggie's impending marriage. And despite what my title may indicate, I'm hoping to get out of the weekend WITHOUT a random penis slap in the face. (memories of Katie Coleman's 23rd birthday are haunting me).

I'm ready for a weekend of floating the river, hanging out by the pool, and drinking beer in the sun. Here's hoping the weather cooperates with us.

Sick :(

2008-07-09T14:24:00.000-07:00

As today has gone on, I'm feeling worse and worse. I've had a bit of a sore throat for the past couple days, and last night I started feeling a little nauseated. I had trouble sleeping to the point where I left our room and went to the guest room so that I wouldn't keep D awake as I tossed and turned.

I came into work this morning feeling a little better, but maybe the lack of sleep just served to make me more run down.

I'm hoping that a warm bath and a good night's sleep will help.... I need to be in top form, as I'm going away this weekend for Maggie's bachelorette party. Sine I introduced the happy couple, I feel my attendance is important :).

In happier news, I am finally starting to tell how much my hair has grown, even though it still has a long way to go to get back to where it was. It's kind of doing a cute, flippy thing now.... it looks softer and more feminine. I guess I looked a little edgy and modern when it was shorter, but let's be honest, edgy and modern isn't really my style.

I also started my running training last night, and I huffed and puffed through my day one program, but I did it. Today is luckily a day of rest, and I'm back to it tomorrow!

Happy birthday, Boyfriend.... and Uncle Sam

2008-07-06T08:59:00.000-07:00

It has been a seriously great past few days. From D's birthday to a relaxing 4th of July weekend, I've thoroughly enjoyed myself.

Let's rewind to the night before D's birthday, the night of the special birthday dinner. It turned out great! My menu was:

Appetizers: Crab Stuffed mushrooms and fresh sliced mozzarella
Entree: Pan fried salmon in grape seed oil and scallops in lemon butter sauce
Sides: Asparagus bundles wrapped in prosciutto and roasted garlic mashed potatoes
Desserts: Krispy Kreme bread pudding and chocolate covered strawberries

It might have been my finest moment in the kitchen ever. Anyway, D came home from work, and I had appetizers ready. He had kind of a rough day at the office, so it took him a little bit of time to unwind. When he was finally in a position to be showered with surprises and affection, I decided it was present time.

My first part of the gift to him was 3 items wrapped up. Let me preface all this with the one thing I know to be true in life more than anything else: He loves the Chicago Cubs quite possibly more than anything except me (I hope!). He watches almost every single game, he has a subscription to mlb.com to watch them online when they don't air on tv, and we often schedule things around when the Cubs play.

So, the first present he opened was a Cubs jersey with his favorite player, Kerry Wood's, number on it. Ok, great present number one. His second gift was this retro Cubs t-shirt that I thought was very cool, and he did too. Alright, second gift, good! The third present was a smaller version of the t-shirt I gave him, which caused a bit of confusion. That t-shirt was for me. D is always getting on my case about wanting me to wear a Cubs t-shirt to a game when they come to town, so I decided the next Cubs game we saw, I would wear a Cubs shirt for him. Nice gift number 3.

So, he was very pleased with his presents, and he thought that was where the surprises ended. Boy, was he wrong.

After D opened the first three gifts and thanked me, I told him I thought there might be one more gift. I went and got a large envelope, and I pulled a smaller envelope out. He opened it, and it was 3 sets of Cubs tickets. Danny started to thank me, but tell me I shouldn't have bought Cubs/Astros tickets that far in advance, his firm could probably give us their tickets at Minute Maid. I told him to look more closely at what park the tickets were for, and he realized the tickets were at Wrigley Field instead of Minute Maid, and D proceeded to get more confused then I had ever seen him. He slowly began piecing things together as I started pulling out other pieces of paper, like airfare to Chicago, hotel reservations, confirmations for dinner reservations, tickets to Second City..... we are going to Chicago!!!!!!

I have never seen D go speechless. And then get SO excited. Going to Chicago, seeing the Cubs at Wrigley field, taking a vacation.... he loved the gift. And I loved giving it to him. 30 is a big birthday, and I wanted to do something very special, and I think I succeeded.

Anyway, the rest of the night was lovely, and filled with talk of our upcoming trip (we are going August 2). I even talked to his boss in advance to make sure he could get the time off. I'm kind of proud of myself for putting this all together AND actually keeping it a secret!!!

Anyway, July 3 was D's actual birthday, and we drove up to Frisco, TX to visit his family for the long weekend. His folks live on an awesome lot overlooking a whole lot of land and a lake. It's a great place to get away from the city and be in a relaxing environment. Their community has a very nice amenities center with an awesome pool, and so it had the makings of an idyllic weekend.

We went out to dinner on Thursday night with his folks and one set of grandparents. We came home, and played hours of darts in their garage with his mom and dad, which was very fun. D and I spent the 4th of July running around, grilling out with his parents, and watching about 7 different fireworks shows from their back patio. It was the perfect place to watch the shows.

Yesterday we all went up to Lake Lewisville as part of D's birthday gift, and his parents rented wave runners. D and I shared one, and we had a blast. I had never been on one before, so of course he felt the need to terrify me on choppy water at 50 mph, but after I got used to it, I gave into my need for speed :). I got to drive as well, and it was awesome. We drove to Fort Worth last night to visit the other set of grandparents, as well as his uncle, aunt, and baby cousin. Babies make my heart melt, I can tell I already have baby fever.

D and his dad are out golfing this morning, and after lunch with everyone, we'll head back to Houston and the real world. I'm not ready for this vacation to be over, but it has definitely been the relaxing getaway that we have both needed.... and the next one is just around the corner!!!

Happy birthday!

2008-07-02T12:58:00.001-07:00

I'm about to leave to begin to cook the meal that will hopefully give D a culinary boner (to steal a line from Top Chef). I got to work 2 hours early today so that I could leave 2 hours early.

I also FINALLY, FINALLY get to give him the long awaited birthday surprise that I have been planning for months. He doesn't read this blog, so he frankly has no idea I have anything special beyond the meal planned.

We leave tomorrow for Frisco, I'll be gone all weekend, so I likely won't be posting anything.

But in other news, I made the decision today to go and attend an informational session for Team in Training. I would really, really like to run the Aramco Half Marathon in January and raise money to fight my cancer. So, if I go through with this, be prepared for me to come knocking down the door for donations :).

C'mon, how can you say no to a cancer survivor trying to help eradicate the disease???? :)

Emergency room adventures

2008-07-01T07:37:00.001-07:00

*warning, don't read if you are afraid of TMI*

So, yesterday morning, I woke with some... familiar symptoms. Oh yes, ladies, you know it: the dreaded UTI. It had been months since my last one, so I guess it was my time. I was only feeling mild discomfort when I left the house early to go and get an oil change, so I figured I could call my doctor and get a prescription called in. Well, while waiting for my car to be finished, the pain began to increase and increase, to the point where I was almost doubled over in pain. I went to the restroom to try and tough it up and pee.... and it came out red. I was bleeding somewhere inside, and it definitely freaked me out.

So, I decided to take a trip to my friendly neighborhood emergency room. The nice thing about being an MD Anderson patient is that it gives you access to their emergency room, which only patients are allowed to use. I signed in and got a room pretty quickly, but of course the process of finding out what is wrong with you is long, long, long. I checked in at 8am, and I got out around 3ish. The good news is that it wasn't a kidney infection or something more serious (which I was scared of), it was just a very serious hemorrhagic bladder infection (ew). On top of that, I got to spend a day hooked up to an IV with drugs that made me feel better, AND I got to watch Family Feud. It was basically like a day off of work!! :) I got discharged with a couple of prescriptions, and I went and got ice cream and french fries. Not really helping with my weight loss efforts, but I was feeling puny and vulnerable after a day at the hospital, so I needed some comfort.

So, when I went to the emergency room, I opted not to tell anyone. I, of course, called work to let them know I wouldn't be in, but I didn't inform my family or D until I knew things were okay. To be fair, my mom and sister were out of town in Austin, so a phone call when I was in the hospital would have only served to freak them out, and maybe make them drive erratically. D was working on about 6 motions that were due to the court yesterday, so telling him would have caused him to be distracted, and probably drop important things to come and be with me. Frankly, at this point, I am a hospital PRO. I'm not afraid to be there by myself, I'm not afraid to handle the doctors and nurses, I'm not afraid of (most) of the procedures they do there.... it really didn't occur to me to interrupt other peoples' days for my minor medical emergency.

But man, do you ever hear about it when you tell the people you love that you spent the day in the hospital. It apparently displeases them.

Anyway, I'm back at work today, feeling a lot better, and excited about a short week and a long holiday weekend. Tomorrow night is D's fancy birthday dinner, so I'll letcha know how it goes. ;)

I'm an overconsumer

2008-06-27T11:49:00.001-07:00

I deserve the nasty, nasty hangover I have today. I was a total wino last night. If it was cold, made from grapes, and alcoholic, I drank it last night.

But I sure had a helluva lot of fun :).

And the family that drinks together, stays together.

It's raining, it's pouring....

2008-06-26T12:40:00.000-07:00

I don't know how I manage to forget what June weather is like every year. You start off the day very warm, then it turns to unbearably hot, then it temporarily cools down for an afternoon thunderstorm, then it heats back up, and then just gets nice and sticky humid in the evening.

Now that I am working, I have come to rely on the afternoon thunderstorm. I stop, take a break, stare out the window, watch the people in the parking lot below try and avoid getting soaked, and occasionally wait for the power to come back on if it's a strong storm.

The storm just passed for this afternoon, but it's still pretty gray outside. I don't mind that too much, though. I am in an office that has windows across almost every wall, so on sunny days, it gets unbelievably hot. Since we are a nonprofit, we don't suffer from the same chronic over-air conditioning as the rest of Houston does. I spend a lot of days sweating it to the end at my desk.

Tonight is the one year anniversary of my sister and brother-in-law's bar, so I'll be stepping out. I'll be stepping very slowly, though. I did lunges a couple days ago during my workout, and I kind of want to cut my legs off and use them to beat myself. I want hot, sexy legs and thighs though (I sound like I'm placing an order for chicken!), and I'll do what it takes to get there.

But for now, I'm going to continue my lazy moment, looking out the window, waiting for the clock to strike 5.

I like to cook, but....

2008-06-25T08:33:00.000-07:00

I really do enjoy cooking. I absolutely adore watching food related television shows, reading cooking magazines, looking at recipes online, buying cookbooks.... but frankly, I rarely cook.

I used to cook. Back in law school, I used to cook a lot for myself. Grocery shopping is one of my favorite activities, so every week I'd gather my recipes, take a trip to the grocery store, and spend a glorious hour walking up and down every aisle, picking up the items on my list, as well as throwing in some gratuitous items for good measure.

Cooking used to be my way into a man's heart. When I decided that I really liked a guy, I would invite him to my apartment for my "date meal" which consisted of this amazing baked pasta dish with Italian sausage and a homemade four-cheese sauce.

I should have known early on that I was falling in love with D, because not only did I make him the date pasta, but I put together an elaborate antipasti platter, and I baked a chocolate pudding cake from scratch. Few men got such treatment. :)

However, after D and I started dating, we became afflicted with eat-out-a-lot-itis. He had always suffered from this ailment, but I seem to have caught it from him. I basically moved in with him the week we started dating. Both because we were sooooooooooooooo in love we couldn't stand to spend a night away from one another (;)) and also because of his apartment's awesome proximity to campus, and my awesome parking garage pass. It meant even when we woke up 10 minutes before class, we still made it on time. Anyway, D had a wonderfully lovable, but disgustingly messy roommate who kept their kitchen in a deplorable state. I didn't want to even walk in there, much less cook anything.

We never spent any time at my apartment, so the night I made him the pasta was one of the handful of times he was there. It wasn't that I lived SO far away, but I lived far enough to make it inconvenient. Even after I had my biopsy in Austin, and my family was there, we dispensed with the formalities, and we all stayed at D's apartment. Apparently he informed him that I would be more comfortable staying there than at my own while I was still unconscious.

Anyway, I digress. To recap: I like cooking, but I rarely cook. Even in Houston, with access to a great kitchen, we still follow the pattern of eating out most meals.

D's birthday is next week, and I told him I would take him to dinner anywhere he wanted to go. He spent some time thinking about it, and he decided that instead of going out, he would like me to cook for him. He figures we go out all the time, so a really special meal would be one that I made. I accepted the challenge, but I'm terrified! I have been scouring the internet and cookbooks for idiot-proof recipes that will also look and taste like a gourmet chef made them. The last thing I want to do is screw up his birthday dinner. I want it to be decadent and lavish.... but also within reason for someone like me. It's a tough balance to strike! So, I will be spending the next week coming up with the perfect menu. I'll letcha know how it turns out. :)

I make the most of weekends

2008-06-23T06:54:00.000-07:00

It was another awesome weekend, which makes Monday both bearable and bittersweet. I think anyone would agree that going back to work on Mondays is a rough thing... but knowing a potentially great weekend is only 5 days away helps immensely.

Friday night D and I worked out, grabbed some dinner to go, and then came home and watched movies in bed. Last week at work was a real b*tch, so I passed out pretty early. Saturday I had lunch with family, did some baking, painted my nails.... went to dinner with D, caught a couple of movies (buy one ticket, view two movies), and then came home. Sunday Funday was an expanded version this week with my brother-in-law's family in town. More kids, more people, more food, more sangria :). It was a fantastic day, and I slept like a baby last night.

This week is another big one at work. I'm leading a training later this week, which I'm pretty nervous about, since I'm kind of learning as I go. I'm trying to abide by the philosophy of "fake it till you make it".

So, I had a dream last night that my hair had finally grown our to shoulder length, and I was advised in order to have REALLY healthy hair, I had to shave it off again. It was awful, I think I might have woken up crying. I focus on my hair far more than I should, but it's been so tough over the past year dealing with this feeling of being so unattractive. Being sick, gaining weight, losing my hair... all of those factors worked in tandem to make me feel like the unsexiest woman in the world.

I'm incredibly lucky to be with a man who sees beyond the physical and sees ME underneath it. He thinks I am beautiful and that does help. And I'm trying to be as proactive as possible. That means taking good care of my health, exercising, eating right.... I can't do much about the hair part, except not cut it, but I'm finally starting to see progress. Clearly, I haven't been bald for a while, but it's finally getting a little bit of length. It's finally looking "girly". I honestly had no idea it would take this long to grow!

Okay, enough of the superficial. Please don't judge me for it :).

I have had a few very odd, vivid dreams lately. Apparently the other night I was having a dream there were lots of bugs on the wall, and I shot up in bed, panting, and pointing to the wall, scaring the shit out of D. I don't remember the incident, but he apparently had to calm me down and get me back to sleep.

Anyway, over the next few weeks I'll be busy at work, D is turning 30 (and big surprises will be in store!), we will be traveling to Frisco to visit his parents over 4th of July, and I will finally reach my 90 days at work, which means I get vacation/comp days.... who knows where I'll end up?

Disappointment!

2008-06-19T07:03:00.000-07:00

Maybe it's my own fault. Perhaps I went into it with too high of expectations. Maybe I can't look to the past as a predictor of the future. But, I'm still so let down! The Roots have failed me :(

I guess I was a bit behind the times, because I didn't discover the Roots until January 2007. D and I had been dating for a few months, and Valentine's Day was coming up. I spend a lot of time thinking about the gifts I give. I want the person to love what I present them. I also had to think inside of a budget minded box, so I spent a lot of time listening to him talk, trying to get ideas. One day, in conversation, he mentioned that he loved the band The Roots, and they put on one of the best shows he had ever seen. Ding, Ding, Ding!

The Roots just happened to be coming to Austin in late February, playing at Stubbs. I purchased tickets, presented them to him on Valentine's Day, and we both got psyched for the show.

I was blown away. I fell in love with The Roots. The energy, the lyrics, the instruments.... everything about them appealed to every aspect of my musical sensibilities. After the concert, I started listening to old Roots albums, and they quickly became one of my favorite bands.

So, imagine how thrilled I am when D surprises me with Roots tickets a few weeks ago. We were both so excited for Wednesday, June 18 to come. We even got there early, to try and get close to the stage so that we would have the best vantage point to enjoy the show.

And that is when the let down began. Instead of having a real opening act (Lupe Fiasco opened for them in Austin, which was a great way to lead into the Roots), they just had a couple of DJs on the stage, spinning popular rap music, occasionally rapping along with the song. It was like being at amateur karoke night.

When the Roots came on, they were just.... lacking. The didn't play a lot of my favorite songs, opting instead for some medleys of other rap songs. It just wasn't what I came to watch. And beyond that, some of the initial spark and fire that I fell for just wasn't there. This was D's 4th Roots concert, and he thought it was the worst. We ended up leaving a little early because we weren't enjoying ourselves.

I know everyone has an off night, but it's still sad when you were so looking forward to something. But, no worries, Roots, I haven't given up on you yet.

The job

2008-06-17T11:43:00.000-07:00

I do really like my job, but some days I feel like I am flying blind. One would think that having a JD under your belt would immediately qualify you for a ton of careers, but I've rapidly discovered that isn't necessarily the case.

When I first decided to enter the non profit sector, I was mostly applying to cancer-related non profits since I had that personal connection. I got a lot of interviews as a result of a very powerful cover letter. The problem is that even though I had this fantastic resume with lots of wonderful education, I had very little in term of work experience, and NO non profit experience. So, a lot of interviews turned into zero offers.

It was very discouraging to think that I had finally found the kind of work I felt I was meant to do, and no one would give me a chance. I HAD CANCER!!!!! What better person could you send in to ask a company for money than a moderately attractive, articulate cancer survivor???? Apparently, they thought there were lots, so I was not hired.

So, thinking I wouldn't get a chance in the non profit world, I decided to look at legal work as a temporary fix to my unemployment problem. I met with lots of people, all of whom told me that I really needed to wait until my bar results came out before they could help me. At that time, bar results were still two months away, and I was becoming incredibly sick of being the errand girl, dog walker, and laundry doer at home. I needed some purpose, a reason to get up in the morning. I was about to forgo money and look into volunteer opportunities when I stumbled upon my current job.

I was meeting with a couple ladies from a legal services group that helps people find contract opportunities as well as lateral positions. They were mainly meeting with me as a favor to my mother who works for one of their clients. After quizzing me for a while on my skills, one of the ladies finally asked me what I wanted to do. I was honest, and I let them know that I was really interested in the non profit world, but that I was having difficulty breaking in. The head of the company told me that her good friend was the executive director of a nonprofit, and they were looking for a new Outreach Manager. The ED was a former attorney, and the non profit, while not cancer-related, was focused on curing a very serious disease. I was referred to the ED, interviewed twice, and then offered the position. Despite of lack of experience in the non profit sector, what my position really called for was empathy in dealing with a major diagnosis, which I believe I have in spades.

So, after that long journey, I have finally become a part of the non profit sector, and while I'm still learning my way around, I'm extremely happy to be here. Far happier than I would have been had I stayed on course and become a lawyer. Far less compensated, but as I've learned over the past year (prepare for incredible cheesiness), money can't buy happiness. And I can't put a price tag on the amazing life I'm living now.

Sunday Funday- My new favorite tradition

2008-06-16T07:29:00.000-07:00

We have established a new family tradition for Summer 2008 known as Sunday Funday. Danny and I pile up and head over to my sister's house to spend the day swimming, playing with her kids, drinking, and eating. It's fabulous, and the best way to go back into Monday. My sister currently lives in the house I grew up in, which is situated on a 1 acre lot in Bellaire. It boasts a huge backyard and a big swimming pool, which I am adoring, since last summer I wasn't allowed to get near water or sun.

We head over there early afternoon, and they fire up the grill and pore the sangria. We play with the kids, help them learn how to swim (they are ages 6, 4, and 2), and mingle with the myriad of other people who drop by for the day. It's a general policy that Sundays at the Mullen's function as an open house, and everyone is invited.

And the kids are awesome. Patrick is 6, and he's already a pretty good swimmer. Charlie is 4, and within about a two week period, we taught him how to swim, and he's jumping off the diving board. And Ann-Marie.... she is 2, impossibly adorable, and so sweet. She hang on to my neck, and we swim around the pool and hang out. She almost returned home with Danny and I last night, but work today didn't make it feasible.

The rest of the weekend was pretty great too. Friday night was a birthday celebration dinner for Foster at El Tiempo followed by the Velvet Melvin. Mango Margaritas and Miller Lite were my choice of beverages for the night, because El Tiempo Micheladas weren't doing it for me. I have yet to find a Michelada that even comes close to 100% Taquito.

Saturday D and I went did a movie double header- The Happening (awful) and Incredible Hulk( quite entertaining). We went for sushi, popped to the Galleria for a while (despite my hatred of malls, we decided to take advantage of the Father's Day sales so he could get some new work stuff), and then we actually made it to the gym. I so, SO, SO want to lose some weight, so we are trying to be diligent about it.

Most people think cancer patients lose weight, but I somehow was the anomaly that gained weight. To be fair, most food made me want to vomit my guts out, with the exception of mac n cheese and milkshakes. So, in the interest of not losing weight to maintain my immunity, I indulged. For 7 months. Hmm.

I'm putting my weight loss goal out there so that everyone can hold me accountable. I'm going to hit the gym, eat better (most of the time), and try to return to my pre-cancer fighting weight.

We'll see how this goes. :)

And after a long pause....

2008-06-13T13:39:00.001-07:00

... I've decided to start blogging again. I'm not really sure why I've picked this moment to begin writing again, maybe I'm just bored at work, maybe I'm just feeling *inspired*, but here I go.

I'm 25. I love sushi, tulips, the tv show 30 Rock, Padma Lakshmi, cashmere socks, headbands, champagne, heating pads, baths, and babies.

I dislike onions, traffic, malls, pina coladas, my memory failure, being told what to do, aggressive salespeople, vomiting, hospitals, and cinnamon gum.

What will I be talking about? Anything I feel like. I'll probably spend a fair amount of time on some of the following topics.....

I'm a law school grad and a licensed attorney, but I've rejected the law as a profession. At least for the time being. I've entered the nonprofit sector, and I find it much better suited to my personality. I do occasionally think about the freedom that might come with a six figure salary, but I also have to consider the misery that I would feel being bored out of my skull. I understand that there are about a million different areas of law, but I think for the time being, I have chosen the right place for myself. I'm still in a transitional period, trying to get back on my feet.

Cancer. That's another thing that has about a million different areas. It wouldn't be an accurate blog about my life if I didn't broach this subject. I'm a cancer survivor. It's still so crazy for me to say, because it's so hard for me to even believe that I had cancer. I spent the majority of 2007 so sick, not because of the cancer itself, but because of the awful, invasive, painful treatments I endured. Chemo SUCKS. I had chemo every other week for about 7 months. Oh, the weeks in between chemo treatments were glorious. I almost felt human again. But then the chemo weeks... I have no words to describe the experience. I will probably try and find some in upcoming posts.

I'm in love. Deep, crazy, complete, mad love. I've been with this man for almost two years, and my heart still flutters when he walks into a room. He is my best friend, my complete partner who loves me despite my flaws and faults. Naturally, our relationship isn't perfect, I don't think there is any such thing. But my world is a happier place to live in because he is in it.

My hair. It may sound ridiculous, but I am obsessed with my hair growth. I shaved my head during the whole cancer debacle after it started falling out en masse. It was a moment of control in an otherwise uncontrollable situation. But, let's be honest here, I'm not a very hot bald chick. The good news is that my hair is growing back, but it seems like it's taking forever. It probably seems petty in light of everything I have gone through to be so focused on my hair, but I don't care, I'm being honest :). I think any woman would understand. And if I had a nickel for every time some schmo called me "sir" when I didn't have my wig on, I'd be a far wealthier lady than I am now. So, I'm trying to figure out what to do with this short hair, hence my newfound love for headbands.

Work. I'm a poor nonprofit employee, but I like my job, and I like my co workers. I won't go into too many specifics about work, but I spend a lot of time here, so it will come up.

So, let's see how long this attempt lasts!