#2- Scars

I've been a bit behind with blogging as it's been crazy busy in my work world, but I have a few minutes to discuss my..... scars.

I know, you probably think I'm referring to the metaphorical emotional scars that having cancer leaves. No, I'm actually referring to the physical scars I now have all over my body.

I, of course, have the scar from where I had my biopsy. It's on the left side of my collarbone, right where my lymph node is. It's not huge, about an inch long. Even two years later, I experience some sensitivity at my scar site if I bend my neck to the right for too long. It has gotten better, it has faded some, but I think it's going to be there forever. And that is okay with me.

I have a few scars around my right bicep, where I had a permanent IV in my arm for about 7 months. On scar from where the IV actually went into my arm, and three smaller scars from where it was stitched into my skin. They are far less noticeable, since they are in the inside of my arm, but they are there. And that is okay with me.

I have scars near my armpit and on my forearm from where I had to endure 7 months worth of wrapping my arm in Glad press and seal wrap, and then sealing the edges with transpore tape every time I bathed to avoid getting my IV wet. My skin got so raw from tearing tape off the same spot every day, and I have marks from the tape that I think are going to be there forever. And that is okay with me.

I have a series of very odd looking lines that run across my stomach now. The very first chemo session I had, one of the drugs made me incredibly itchy, and I scratched my stomach hard with my nails. Those scratch marks never went away. It makes me a bit self-conscious, and I'm supposed to keep my stomach out of the sun so that they don't darken. They have faded a bit over time, but I think they'll be there for a while, which means a life of tankinis and one piece swim suits. And that is okay with me.

I have have all sorts of marks on my legs that weren't there before chemo. I don't know if I scratched myself there or if they just appeared as a result of the drugs, but it looks like I have beat up legs. I have one mark on the outside of my right upper leg that looks like a gigantic bruise, and it's its actually from where I knocked myself after a chemo session..... and it never went away. I will forever be bruised from my cancer. And that is okay with me.

My body is so marked up because of the chemo, but I guess it's a constant reminder of where I've been. I can't change it, I view it as insignificant in comparison to what I've been through.... and they are all okay with me.