I'm an overconsumer

I deserve the nasty, nasty hangover I have today. I was a total wino last night. If it was cold, made from grapes, and alcoholic, I drank it last night.

But I sure had a helluva lot of fun :).

And the family that drinks together, stays together.

It's raining, it's pouring....

I don't know how I manage to forget what June weather is like every year. You start off the day very warm, then it turns to unbearably hot, then it temporarily cools down for an afternoon thunderstorm, then it heats back up, and then just gets nice and sticky humid in the evening.

Now that I am working, I have come to rely on the afternoon thunderstorm. I stop, take a break, stare out the window, watch the people in the parking lot below try and avoid getting soaked, and occasionally wait for the power to come back on if it's a strong storm.

The storm just passed for this afternoon, but it's still pretty gray outside. I don't mind that too much, though. I am in an office that has windows across almost every wall, so on sunny days, it gets unbelievably hot. Since we are a nonprofit, we don't suffer from the same chronic over-air conditioning as the rest of Houston does. I spend a lot of days sweating it to the end at my desk.

Tonight is the one year anniversary of my sister and brother-in-law's bar, so I'll be stepping out. I'll be stepping very slowly, though. I did lunges a couple days ago during my workout, and I kind of want to cut my legs off and use them to beat myself. I want hot, sexy legs and thighs though (I sound like I'm placing an order for chicken!), and I'll do what it takes to get there.

But for now, I'm going to continue my lazy moment, looking out the window, waiting for the clock to strike 5.

I like to cook, but....

I really do enjoy cooking. I absolutely adore watching food related television shows, reading cooking magazines, looking at recipes online, buying cookbooks.... but frankly, I rarely cook.

I used to cook. Back in law school, I used to cook a lot for myself. Grocery shopping is one of my favorite activities, so every week I'd gather my recipes, take a trip to the grocery store, and spend a glorious hour walking up and down every aisle, picking up the items on my list, as well as throwing in some gratuitous items for good measure.

Cooking used to be my way into a man's heart. When I decided that I really liked a guy, I would invite him to my apartment for my "date meal" which consisted of this amazing baked pasta dish with Italian sausage and a homemade four-cheese sauce.

I should have known early on that I was falling in love with D, because not only did I make him the date pasta, but I put together an elaborate antipasti platter, and I baked a chocolate pudding cake from scratch. Few men got such treatment. :)

However, after D and I started dating, we became afflicted with eat-out-a-lot-itis. He had always suffered from this ailment, but I seem to have caught it from him. I basically moved in with him the week we started dating. Both because we were sooooooooooooooo in love we couldn't stand to spend a night away from one another (;)) and also because of his apartment's awesome proximity to campus, and my awesome parking garage pass. It meant even when we woke up 10 minutes before class, we still made it on time. Anyway, D had a wonderfully lovable, but disgustingly messy roommate who kept their kitchen in a deplorable state. I didn't want to even walk in there, much less cook anything.

We never spent any time at my apartment, so the night I made him the pasta was one of the handful of times he was there. It wasn't that I lived SO far away, but I lived far enough to make it inconvenient. Even after I had my biopsy in Austin, and my family was there, we dispensed with the formalities, and we all stayed at D's apartment. Apparently he informed him that I would be more comfortable staying there than at my own while I was still unconscious.

Anyway, I digress. To recap: I like cooking, but I rarely cook. Even in Houston, with access to a great kitchen, we still follow the pattern of eating out most meals.

D's birthday is next week, and I told him I would take him to dinner anywhere he wanted to go. He spent some time thinking about it, and he decided that instead of going out, he would like me to cook for him. He figures we go out all the time, so a really special meal would be one that I made. I accepted the challenge, but I'm terrified! I have been scouring the internet and cookbooks for idiot-proof recipes that will also look and taste like a gourmet chef made them. The last thing I want to do is screw up his birthday dinner. I want it to be decadent and lavish.... but also within reason for someone like me. It's a tough balance to strike! So, I will be spending the next week coming up with the perfect menu. I'll letcha know how it turns out. :)

I make the most of weekends

It was another awesome weekend, which makes Monday both bearable and bittersweet. I think anyone would agree that going back to work on Mondays is a rough thing... but knowing a potentially great weekend is only 5 days away helps immensely.

Friday night D and I worked out, grabbed some dinner to go, and then came home and watched movies in bed. Last week at work was a real b*tch, so I passed out pretty early. Saturday I had lunch with family, did some baking, painted my nails.... went to dinner with D, caught a couple of movies (buy one ticket, view two movies), and then came home. Sunday Funday was an expanded version this week with my brother-in-law's family in town. More kids, more people, more food, more sangria :). It was a fantastic day, and I slept like a baby last night.

This week is another big one at work. I'm leading a training later this week, which I'm pretty nervous about, since I'm kind of learning as I go. I'm trying to abide by the philosophy of "fake it till you make it".

So, I had a dream last night that my hair had finally grown our to shoulder length, and I was advised in order to have REALLY healthy hair, I had to shave it off again. It was awful, I think I might have woken up crying. I focus on my hair far more than I should, but it's been so tough over the past year dealing with this feeling of being so unattractive. Being sick, gaining weight, losing my hair... all of those factors worked in tandem to make me feel like the unsexiest woman in the world.

I'm incredibly lucky to be with a man who sees beyond the physical and sees ME underneath it. He thinks I am beautiful and that does help. And I'm trying to be as proactive as possible. That means taking good care of my health, exercising, eating right.... I can't do much about the hair part, except not cut it, but I'm finally starting to see progress. Clearly, I haven't been bald for a while, but it's finally getting a little bit of length. It's finally looking "girly". I honestly had no idea it would take this long to grow!

Okay, enough of the superficial. Please don't judge me for it :).

I have had a few very odd, vivid dreams lately. Apparently the other night I was having a dream there were lots of bugs on the wall, and I shot up in bed, panting, and pointing to the wall, scaring the shit out of D. I don't remember the incident, but he apparently had to calm me down and get me back to sleep.

Anyway, over the next few weeks I'll be busy at work, D is turning 30 (and big surprises will be in store!), we will be traveling to Frisco to visit his parents over 4th of July, and I will finally reach my 90 days at work, which means I get vacation/comp days.... who knows where I'll end up?

Disappointment!

Maybe it's my own fault. Perhaps I went into it with too high of expectations. Maybe I can't look to the past as a predictor of the future. But, I'm still so let down! The Roots have failed me :(

I guess I was a bit behind the times, because I didn't discover the Roots until January 2007. D and I had been dating for a few months, and Valentine's Day was coming up. I spend a lot of time thinking about the gifts I give. I want the person to love what I present them. I also had to think inside of a budget minded box, so I spent a lot of time listening to him talk, trying to get ideas. One day, in conversation, he mentioned that he loved the band The Roots, and they put on one of the best shows he had ever seen. Ding, Ding, Ding!

The Roots just happened to be coming to Austin in late February, playing at Stubbs. I purchased tickets, presented them to him on Valentine's Day, and we both got psyched for the show.

I was blown away. I fell in love with The Roots. The energy, the lyrics, the instruments.... everything about them appealed to every aspect of my musical sensibilities. After the concert, I started listening to old Roots albums, and they quickly became one of my favorite bands.

So, imagine how thrilled I am when D surprises me with Roots tickets a few weeks ago. We were both so excited for Wednesday, June 18 to come. We even got there early, to try and get close to the stage so that we would have the best vantage point to enjoy the show.

And that is when the let down began. Instead of having a real opening act (Lupe Fiasco opened for them in Austin, which was a great way to lead into the Roots), they just had a couple of DJs on the stage, spinning popular rap music, occasionally rapping along with the song. It was like being at amateur karoke night.

When the Roots came on, they were just.... lacking. The didn't play a lot of my favorite songs, opting instead for some medleys of other rap songs. It just wasn't what I came to watch. And beyond that, some of the initial spark and fire that I fell for just wasn't there. This was D's 4th Roots concert, and he thought it was the worst. We ended up leaving a little early because we weren't enjoying ourselves.

I know everyone has an off night, but it's still sad when you were so looking forward to something. But, no worries, Roots, I haven't given up on you yet.

The job

I do really like my job, but some days I feel like I am flying blind. One would think that having a JD under your belt would immediately qualify you for a ton of careers, but I've rapidly discovered that isn't necessarily the case.

When I first decided to enter the non profit sector, I was mostly applying to cancer-related non profits since I had that personal connection. I got a lot of interviews as a result of a very powerful cover letter. The problem is that even though I had this fantastic resume with lots of wonderful education, I had very little in term of work experience, and NO non profit experience. So, a lot of interviews turned into zero offers.

It was very discouraging to think that I had finally found the kind of work I felt I was meant to do, and no one would give me a chance. I HAD CANCER!!!!! What better person could you send in to ask a company for money than a moderately attractive, articulate cancer survivor???? Apparently, they thought there were lots, so I was not hired.

So, thinking I wouldn't get a chance in the non profit world, I decided to look at legal work as a temporary fix to my unemployment problem. I met with lots of people, all of whom told me that I really needed to wait until my bar results came out before they could help me. At that time, bar results were still two months away, and I was becoming incredibly sick of being the errand girl, dog walker, and laundry doer at home. I needed some purpose, a reason to get up in the morning. I was about to forgo money and look into volunteer opportunities when I stumbled upon my current job.

I was meeting with a couple ladies from a legal services group that helps people find contract opportunities as well as lateral positions. They were mainly meeting with me as a favor to my mother who works for one of their clients. After quizzing me for a while on my skills, one of the ladies finally asked me what I wanted to do. I was honest, and I let them know that I was really interested in the non profit world, but that I was having difficulty breaking in. The head of the company told me that her good friend was the executive director of a nonprofit, and they were looking for a new Outreach Manager. The ED was a former attorney, and the non profit, while not cancer-related, was focused on curing a very serious disease. I was referred to the ED, interviewed twice, and then offered the position. Despite of lack of experience in the non profit sector, what my position really called for was empathy in dealing with a major diagnosis, which I believe I have in spades.

So, after that long journey, I have finally become a part of the non profit sector, and while I'm still learning my way around, I'm extremely happy to be here. Far happier than I would have been had I stayed on course and become a lawyer. Far less compensated, but as I've learned over the past year (prepare for incredible cheesiness), money can't buy happiness. And I can't put a price tag on the amazing life I'm living now.

Sunday Funday- My new favorite tradition

We have established a new family tradition for Summer 2008 known as Sunday Funday. Danny and I pile up and head over to my sister's house to spend the day swimming, playing with her kids, drinking, and eating. It's fabulous, and the best way to go back into Monday. My sister currently lives in the house I grew up in, which is situated on a 1 acre lot in Bellaire. It boasts a huge backyard and a big swimming pool, which I am adoring, since last summer I wasn't allowed to get near water or sun.

We head over there early afternoon, and they fire up the grill and pore the sangria. We play with the kids, help them learn how to swim (they are ages 6, 4, and 2), and mingle with the myriad of other people who drop by for the day. It's a general policy that Sundays at the Mullen's function as an open house, and everyone is invited.

And the kids are awesome. Patrick is 6, and he's already a pretty good swimmer. Charlie is 4, and within about a two week period, we taught him how to swim, and he's jumping off the diving board. And Ann-Marie.... she is 2, impossibly adorable, and so sweet. She hang on to my neck, and we swim around the pool and hang out. She almost returned home with Danny and I last night, but work today didn't make it feasible.

The rest of the weekend was pretty great too. Friday night was a birthday celebration dinner for Foster at El Tiempo followed by the Velvet Melvin. Mango Margaritas and Miller Lite were my choice of beverages for the night, because El Tiempo Micheladas weren't doing it for me. I have yet to find a Michelada that even comes close to 100% Taquito.

Saturday D and I went did a movie double header- The Happening (awful) and Incredible Hulk( quite entertaining). We went for sushi, popped to the Galleria for a while (despite my hatred of malls, we decided to take advantage of the Father's Day sales so he could get some new work stuff), and then we actually made it to the gym. I so, SO, SO want to lose some weight, so we are trying to be diligent about it.

Most people think cancer patients lose weight, but I somehow was the anomaly that gained weight. To be fair, most food made me want to vomit my guts out, with the exception of mac n cheese and milkshakes. So, in the interest of not losing weight to maintain my immunity, I indulged. For 7 months. Hmm.

I'm putting my weight loss goal out there so that everyone can hold me accountable. I'm going to hit the gym, eat better (most of the time), and try to return to my pre-cancer fighting weight.

We'll see how this goes. :)

And after a long pause....

... I've decided to start blogging again. I'm not really sure why I've picked this moment to begin writing again, maybe I'm just bored at work, maybe I'm just feeling *inspired*, but here I go.

I'm 25. I love sushi, tulips, the tv show 30 Rock, Padma Lakshmi, cashmere socks, headbands, champagne, heating pads, baths, and babies.

I dislike onions, traffic, malls, pina coladas, my memory failure, being told what to do, aggressive salespeople, vomiting, hospitals, and cinnamon gum.

What will I be talking about? Anything I feel like. I'll probably spend a fair amount of time on some of the following topics.....

I'm a law school grad and a licensed attorney, but I've rejected the law as a profession. At least for the time being. I've entered the nonprofit sector, and I find it much better suited to my personality. I do occasionally think about the freedom that might come with a six figure salary, but I also have to consider the misery that I would feel being bored out of my skull. I understand that there are about a million different areas of law, but I think for the time being, I have chosen the right place for myself. I'm still in a transitional period, trying to get back on my feet.

Cancer. That's another thing that has about a million different areas. It wouldn't be an accurate blog about my life if I didn't broach this subject. I'm a cancer survivor. It's still so crazy for me to say, because it's so hard for me to even believe that I had cancer. I spent the majority of 2007 so sick, not because of the cancer itself, but because of the awful, invasive, painful treatments I endured. Chemo SUCKS. I had chemo every other week for about 7 months. Oh, the weeks in between chemo treatments were glorious. I almost felt human again. But then the chemo weeks... I have no words to describe the experience. I will probably try and find some in upcoming posts.

I'm in love. Deep, crazy, complete, mad love. I've been with this man for almost two years, and my heart still flutters when he walks into a room. He is my best friend, my complete partner who loves me despite my flaws and faults. Naturally, our relationship isn't perfect, I don't think there is any such thing. But my world is a happier place to live in because he is in it.

My hair. It may sound ridiculous, but I am obsessed with my hair growth. I shaved my head during the whole cancer debacle after it started falling out en masse. It was a moment of control in an otherwise uncontrollable situation. But, let's be honest here, I'm not a very hot bald chick. The good news is that my hair is growing back, but it seems like it's taking forever. It probably seems petty in light of everything I have gone through to be so focused on my hair, but I don't care, I'm being honest :). I think any woman would understand. And if I had a nickel for every time some schmo called me "sir" when I didn't have my wig on, I'd be a far wealthier lady than I am now. So, I'm trying to figure out what to do with this short hair, hence my newfound love for headbands.

Work. I'm a poor nonprofit employee, but I like my job, and I like my co workers. I won't go into too many specifics about work, but I spend a lot of time here, so it will come up.

So, let's see how long this attempt lasts!