*Slaps self across face*

I've been bad again, but I hope to be better. I know, promises, promises. I need some follow through!

So, the past couple of weeks have been eventful. I had my biggest work event of the year this past weekend..... and it will be my last one at my current job, because I just got a new job with TNT! I am very excited, this organization is where my true passion lies. I am psyched about being on the inside to make a difference in the fight against blood cancers. I hope that it goes well, I hope that I am successful, and I hope I am a part of the process that gets us to a cure. I start my new job a week from Wednesday, so that means pretty quick turnaround, but it's better not to be idle......

Running has kind of fallen on the back burner as things have been crazy busy, but I am hoping to get back into the groove starting tonight. I am headed home after work to change and go do an easy 30 minute run and some weights. I need to counteract my laziness/tons of M&Ms I ate today. Bad, Bad K.

It's very weird to try and wrap things up in my current position. This was my very first grown up job, and it's strange leaving it. It makes me feel even more like a real grown up. Which I rarely feel like.

This is short, and somewhat boring.... I'll try to make it more interesting soon. I'm wrapping up so that I can leave for the day!

I've been a bad blogger

I have been the kind of blogger that I like to complain about. I've been neglectful of my readers. Thank, Jill, for calling me out on it ;).

Here's a little life wrap up....

Work: Been busy, we have our biggest event of the year coming up. I'm trying to get my end organized and make sure everything is in place.

Love: Still in it! D and I have been doing well. I luuurrrvvvvv him.

Wedding: Making progress! I booked a florist, bought a veil.... I'm still in search of someone to do my hair. I went and scouted invitations last weekend, and I think I found some that I like. As per usual, I do the scouting, narrow things down, and then present my top pick to D for approval.

Training: We are a month into training, and it's going alright so far. I'm definitely one of the slowest people out there, but that's alright. I AM out there! I've been better about sticking to my training schedule. I try and go right after work in order to prevent the "I'm too tired and want to sit on the couch because it's right there" itis. Half marathoners like myself are doing four miles (with hills!!!) this weekend. Woo! And that leads to the reminder about donating......

Weight: I think I've finally found something that works for me. I've been eating smaller meals more often, and I'm never starving. I try and focus on low calorie, high fiber or high protein snacks to supplement the time in between meals. I dare say I think I'm changing my metabolism, and it's working out for me. Yay! Food is always the biggest roadblock in my quest to slim down. I love it too much.

Not much else to report..... D and I are having some adventures in parenting this weekend. We'll be watching my sister's three kids overnight for the first time. We've done plenty of babysitting and hanging out during the day, but overnight...... Yikes! I hope it goes well. I would like to return all of her children in one piece :).

I'll try and compose a more entertaining, thoughtful piece soon, I just wanted to say wassup to my friends, and I'll be back soon!

I'm back!

It's been a bloggy break for me, but I'm back. I know there must have been at least four of you that were freaking out!

D and I spent the last week in beautiful Beavercreek, Colorado. But, before getting to the good stuff, let's travel back in time, to Thursday, July 23, a time when innocence was shattered and dreams were crushed.....

Food poisoning. I'd never had it before, and I hope I never have it again. D and I picked up chinese food from Qin Dynasty, a place close to my mom's house. We'd eaten there several times before without incident, but we made the mistake of ordering a new dish that had shrimp and scallops in it. Ug, I should have known from the first bite that it was bad news, but we kept eating. And we got horribly, horribly sick. And I didn't get over the last of my food sickness related "symptoms" (I won't go into detail) until last Friday. A full week later. Major suck.

To make it even better, when D called to report what happened to us and ask for a refund of our meal (all of about $30), the manager he spoke to was vile, accused him of lying, said they had no record of our order (even though we paid with a credit card and have the records to prove it), and startged laughing as D described his symptoms. This. meant. war.

We've reported them to the BBB and the health department. And I'm advising everyone I know to steer clear of that place. This is no time for poor customer service. Major suck on their part.

But, in happier news, we travelled to Colorado and had an amazing week. There was no TV or internet, and it was kind of refreshing to get away from it all. D's parents and grandparents were there, and we got to stay in his cousin's amazing 5,500 sq ft. mountain home. Seriously gorgeous. The views from the road coming up the mountain were spectacular. We drank wine, played board games, read lots of books, went on hikes.... it was a truly relaxing vacation. We got to go into Breckenridge, which is where my family had a home for years till my folks split. It was so fun! We went to the Alpine slide, which is a totally fun cement slide built into the side of a mountain. You take a ski lift to the top, and you ride a toboggan down, with a stick in the middle to control your speed. Of course, the only real fun speed is FAST :). We had lunch at the Breckenridge Brewery, and sampled many delicious local beers. One of my favorite parts of Colorado was all of the awesome local brews that you can only get in that area. MMMMMMM. :)

During lunch at the brewery, I started talking about some of my Breck memories, including how my family and I always used to eat my birthday dinner at a place called the Hearthstone, and I always got the prime rib. Well, D's folks announced that is what we would do the night before my birthday (because we had to leave CO on my birthday). And Hearthstone didn't disappoint! We had an amazing dinner. We started with baked brie and delicious corn soup, I moved on to the prime rib, D had Colorado lamb shank, and I got a double chocolate cake with a candle for dessert. All in all, a perfect birthday dinner.

Sadly, D and I had to return home on my birthday, so the actual day of was slightly lame. D made it better by buying me the hugest card know to man, and surprising me with Swirll with all my favorite toppings :). The trip to CO was my birthday gift, and what a great gift it was. Now I'm 27 and officially old!

Tomorrow is my next round of MD Anderson tests, so think good thoughts for me. I think after this round I got to drop down to only going in every 6 months. Yay! This weekend I'll be attending my first team in training practice. I'm excited, but I am so desperately out of shape. It's embarrassing. Oh well, I do it for the cause, not the glory ;).

Fab McFaberson weekend

This past weekend was a lot of unexpected fun. Friday night D and I were cooking at home, having a beer, planning a low key night when I got a call from one of my long lost friends from law school, KC. She and my other long lost law school friend, E, were in town from Austin for an event that their firm was having at Armadillo Palace. The firm invited all the offices from around the country to partake in this event. That means free food and drinks all night. We were sold :).

We showed up, and KC proceeded to look through the pile of nametags and pick 2 of the most generic names possible, and gave them to us. D and I were "John and Mary Smith". We soon dispensed with the formality, since no one cared we were crashers, and we ate, drank, danced, and had a merry time. They had a butt caricaturist there. Yes, butt. He drew people from the behind. D and I got a really sweet picture of us with our arms around each other. When the clock struck one am, we turned into pumpkins and headed home.

I woke up Saturday morning with a headache. A headache only to rival the headache of my beloved. After some water and Motrin, I shuttled myself to the gym (I've been on a crazy awesome work out streak!!!) and got my workout in. Saturday night, D and I went over to my friend S's house to check it out. We hadn't seen S in a few months, and his home was great. D declared a craving for shrimp and grits, so the three of us went over to Pesce, and it was delicious. D got his shrimp and FABULOUS grits, and I had herb crusted grouper with risotto (also very good). It was a really nice night and has potentially inspired a city-wide shrimp and grits tour.

Sunday was another wake up and work out day, followed by grocery shopping, and an afternoon of lazy tv watching with D. We checked watched the first two episodes of Hung, a new show on HBO. Like most HBO shows, it was quality. Another keeper for us.

Monday was rough, getting back into the groove is always tough.... but the good news is that I'm headed out of town this weekend for a quick in-state jaunt with a friend, and then next week D and I leave for colorful Colorado!!!!!!!

Shredded

In an effort to expand my workout repertoire, I've been trying to cross train in order to not get bored of any one workout and build strength. Clearly, I'm going to have to devote the majority of my time to running soon, but I don't want to forget things like strength training and swimming laps.

It's been so freakin hot in Houston that I've thusfar limited my running to twice a week (which will change starting in August), and I'm trying to do something different on other days. I was also looking for a shorter, but effective workout that I could do at home on those days where I didn't have a lot of extra time, and that brought my to Jillian Michaels and the 30 day shred.

Jillian is one of the trainers on the show Biggest Loser, and she's an animal. Very in shape, the type of woman who could probably lift a car over her head (I exaggerate only slightly!). She has created this ridiculous workout program called the 30 day shred. It's only a 30 minute workout, but you are moving the entire time, you are working multiple muscle groups at once, and she combines strength training with cardio and abs. I was skeptical at first that this could be an effective workout, but I'm now a believer. She has kicked my butt the last two nights. Profuse sweating is involved. My body is incredibly achy today, but it's a satisfying ache.

Tonight I return to the great hot outdoors to run with running buddy K. It's hellaciously hot outside, but we've got to do it. There are 13.1 miles to be run, and it sneaks up on your incredibly quickly. Tomorrow is a day off, and then Friday is back to running. On the weekends, D and I head to the gym, where I do some interval running on the treadmill and weights. And I'll throw in some swimming every once in a while when I want to buck the heat. It's working for me for now.

I'm taking a vacation day on Friday because I can, and then saturday I'm buying my veil!!!! Very psyched about this, it will make my wedding "outfit" almost complete. The dress and veil are something new..... any suggestions for old, borrowed, and new?

Friday is my Day

Oh, sweet, sweet Fridays. I love being on the brink of stepping into the weekend, not waking up early (well, at least until TNT starts!), and having wide open options. Tonight I'm going to hang with one of my best girlfriends, my mom. We are going to grab some drinks and dinner and dish about wedding stuff. It's wonderful to hang out with her, since I try and avoid boring D with wedding details :).

Tomorrow I am getting my FIRST haircut in over TWO years. This is big. It's been about two years since I shaved my head, and it's all grown back, but I've still been so reluctant to cut any off. Part of that is because the front is still shorter than the back and to cut it means that pulling it back is going to be more difficult. But, my little ends are ragged, and so it means that it's time. I'm just going to get a little trim, just a little baby step, and then I'll probably keep growing it out for a while, with interim trims, till the wedding. I want long wedding hair to do.... well, something with. I haven't given much thought to wedding hairstyles, except I think I want it up.

Tomorrow night is the two hour season finale of a show D and I have come to love-- Harper's Island. It's a murder mystery tv show, and it's been really interesting. I'm very curious to see how things turn out. If you missed this one, I suggest renting it if it comes out on DVD. I would have actually preferred to see it that way, one after the other. Waiting for weeks is hard!

Sunday D and I are joining some family friends for dinner, so all in all, a pretty chill weekend with some running thrown in for good measure.

Turning back to last weekend, we went up to Frisco to visit D's parents for his birthday/4th of July. It was definitely nice to getaway, and their backyard is the best place to watch about 12 different fireworks shows in surrounding communities. I love it! We didn't get to go jet skiing this year, which was a bummer, but we relaxed, read books, watched baseball, went to a movie.... a much needed mini getaway.

Speaking of getaways, D and I are going to Colorado for a week at the end of July. *SQQQQEEAAAAAAAA!!!!!!* I'm psyched, I LOVE summers in Colorado, and I haven't been since we sold our house up there right after my parents split. I can't wait for a vacation.

Other than that, it's just work, a little play, and the beast that is my wedding.

I'm officially signed up... now I need your support!!!

http://pages.teamintraining.org/txg/houston10/klilienstern

Please support the fight against blood cancer.

http://pages.teamintraining.org/txg/houston10/klilienstern

Please support the fight to prevent any more children from having childhood taken away from them by leukemia.

http://pages.teamintraining.org/txg/houston10/klilienstern

Please support the almost one million people battling for their lives.

http://pages.teamintraining.org/txg/houston10/klilienstern

Please support the organization that is probably responsible for my life.

http://pages.teamintraining.org/txg/houston10/klilienstern

Please support me!!!!!

http://pages.teamintraining.org/txg/houston10/klilienstern

I'm ready to be a "mento"

Anyone remember the episode of Friends when Joey said he wanted to be a "mento" instead of mentor? A lot funnier when he did it. I miss that show, it was hilarious.

Last night I attended my Team in Training mentor training. It was long, but it was cool, particularly when we got to break out and meet the other mentors and coaches from our particular training sites. Everyone was really cool, and I think it's going to be a great season. I'm excited to get to know some new TNT folks. They are always good people :).

As a mentor, I'm going to be assigned a group of runners, and it's my job to check in with them weekly, help them to develop a fundraising strategy, motivate, encourage, and help them to stick with the program. I think the most daunting part for people is the fundraising aspect. If you stick with the training, you will likely be able to do the running part, but it's really tough asking people for money right now. The mentors are going to come up with some fundraisers to help our participants..... I'm really excited. This cause means so much to me (a huge DUH to anyone who reads this regularly! ;)), and I want to make sure we get as many people sticking with the program as possible.

I learned some disturbing things last night about the state of their funding right now. Like every organization out there, the economy has hurt them. They've experienced layoffs, and they have had to cut back funding for both research and patient services. One of the neat things about LLS is they have provided a $500 a year stipend to folks for travel expenses. This can be used to pay the exorbitant hospital parking fees, gas, airfare (because SO many people come from out of town to MD Anderson), hotel.... whatever they want to use it for. Well, they have recently had to reduce that number to $150, which is huge. Consider the fact that a lot of cancer patients have to quit their jobs, so their families already feel the financial crunch. It's so scary. And not being able to fund research? That terrifies me. It stalls our progress toward finding a cure for blood cancers, and it means we are going to lose more people to this disease.

On that note, I'm going to be officially registering this weekend to be a participant in the Houston Half-Marathon in January. That's right, I'm not only going to be a mentor, I'm also going to be a runner and fundraiser for this event. After swearing I would never run again after last season, I realized my work IS NOT DONE. This year my fundraising minimum is $2,400. I hope to raise at least $5,000. I hope that anyone out there reading this blog will help to support me on this mission. I can assure you that you'll be hearing plenty from me over the next 6 months.

Go Team!

Fast Forward to the Present

Alright, I'm back to discussing the details of my fabulously CURRENT life. Fabulous? Probably an overstatement. But, it's coming along.

Remind me to only get married once. And if I happen to ever get married twice, remind me to elope the second time :). My latest headache it the guest list issue. Who is on it, who is not on it, who is going to get hurt feelings, how do we keep it smaller, and when are necessary parties going to send me their lists?????? Very frustrating. That's why I never liked group projects, I don't like having to depend on other people to get things done.

Even though we are 10 months out, the guest list is vital in determining lots of costs/quantities of things. I asked to have them all in by the end of May. It's mid-June, and I still have outstanding lists. POO.

I'm trying not to stress too hard about it. I had a major work event this past weekend that definitely kept me occupied for the past couple of weeks. Luckily, I think it went off splendidly. I'm very proud right now. I like it when I feel like I'm good at what I do.

I've started running again. It's tough after not running for a few months, but I'm better than when I started training last time? It's also hard because it's already hotter than hell in Houston. Seriously, it's awful to even step foot outside. I leave the running for the evenings, but even then, it's still rough.

I'm sooooo, soooo tired today. I feel like I could have used another 15 hours of sleep. I had an awful time sleeping last week. There were three nights when I simply couldn't fall asleep, and it was miserable. It's still plaguing me now, and I've been trying to get full nights of sleep the past couple of days, but I think what I really need is a vacation. Whether it's a "staycation" (I keep hearing this word!) or a vacation that actually involves travelling somewhere, I just need some time to let my brain de-stress. I was in Vegas a couple of weeks ago for E's bachelorette party, but while that was fun, it definitely wasn't relaxing or restful.

So, I'm going to slowly get this week started, and send another gentle reminder email about guest lists.

# 5 The End

On October 4, 2007, I had my last chemo session. I had made it through six months and 12 sessions of nausea, vomiting in a trash can while hooked up to the IV, several emergency room visits as a result of spiking a fever post-chemo, a bout with bronchitis as a result of lowered immunity, countless neupogen shots to boost white blood cell production, a full head of lost hair, intense bone pain, twice daily heparin injections, eleventy billion site dressing changes, the loss of layers of skin due to transpore tape and press and seal wrap, one bone marrow biopsy that I hope to never repeat, multi-weekly blood draws, tons of tests...... but I was DONE!!!!! Chemo killed my cancer, and I was DONE with chemo. I was thrilled... or was I?

To be honest, finishing chemo was terrifying for me. Despite all the negative effects, I had the comfort of knowing that my chemo was killing my cancer. What would happen when I wasn't being pumped full of cancer-killing chemicals? Would my cancer come back? Was it just waiting for a break in the drugs to come and get me?

The other part of it that made finishing chemo tough was that for the last six months of my life, my cancer had defined me. Before I was diagnosed, I was a law student. Well, while sick, I graduated from law school, I wasn't working, I didn't have much on my plate besides being sick. My job title and identity was cancer patient, and when I didn't have that anymore.... I felt lost. All of my friends had moved on, gotten jobs, and were living their lives. I wasn't doing much of anything. Now, this isn't to say I WANTED to be defined by cancer. I did NOT miss my cancer. It was just a shock to my system, and I had to ask myself "What's next?"

Slowly but surely, I moved past my post-cancer rut. I began studying for the bar exam, and took it the following February. In January, I went in to the hospital for my first series of post-chemo tests/scans. It was awful. I was a nervous wreck. I was so convinced that I was sick again. It made me the most insufferable person to be around for a couple of weeks. Happily, those test results came back negative. I was still cancer-free, and I could still move on with my life. Even now, over a year and a half after that last chemo session, I still get nervous when test time comes around, but it doesn't consume me like it used to. I've been cancer-free for a while now, and I have more confidence, and I generally feel really good.

As for how I moved on, well, most of y'all know that story. Upon finishing the bar exam, I was overwhelmed by a sense of depression at the idea of actually having to practice law. D suggested that I DIDN'T have to practice law, which allowed me to expand my search. My journey made me want to help others on their own journey, which led me to the non-profit sector. It's been an interesting transition, one I never regret, and I think I've discovered new talents.

So, I sit here today, writing this last cancer reflection, full head of hair intact, excited about how far I've come and fully dedicated to doing more in the future. My journey is why I've become so involved with Team in Training. I don't want ANYONE to endure what I went through. It's a paralyzing feeling to be sick and not to be able to do anything about it. Your life is in the hands of doctors, medicine, and God. The loss of control is horrible. I'm going to begin training for my second Team in Training season in less than two months, and I hope you all will support me as I start this journey all over again!

Thanks for giving me the chance to write about this period of my life!

#4 Remission doesn't mean the same thing to everyone...

My remission story is somewhat amusing.

The happy news in my story is that the chemo did it's job. It came, it saw, and it conquered the shit out of my cancer. It made me feel like hell, but it got the stuff that was trying to kill me. By July (after starting treatment in April), the chemo had killed the cancer, and I was in remission.

My oncologist looks like your typical absent minded professor. He's clearly a smart guy, he's really nice, mildly awkward, and sometimes difficult to decipher. Everytime I went in for my visits with him, I would first see the nurse, who basically took inventory of how I was feeling and wrote it in my chart. Then, after the nurse, I would visit with my physician's assistant. He was great, he would fill me in on my test results in lay person language before I saw Dr. M. Dr. M came in last, and he gave the reassurance of a medical professional that I was progressing nicely.

Well, in July, my PA was out for the day, so I skipped straight from nurse to Dr. M. My older sister accompanied me to that appointment (D was taking the bar exam), and we sat and listened to Dr. M talking about meta-something. We both kind of nodded and smiled. I got that the results were good, but my understanding was apparently minimal. We left, excited that the chemo was fighting the cancer, but still aware that I had cancer.

Well, fast forward to August. The day after I shaved my head, I went to my doctor's appointment before heading to the airport to pick D up. I saw the nurse, and then I saw my PA. He looked through my charts and started talking, and finally said " Well, since you are in remission...." I don't know how he finished that statement, because I stopped listening. Remission? I was in remission? He looked confused when I started questioning him. Hadn't Dr. M told me this at my July appointment?

Had he? I didn't have a clue. My PA exited the room, and I immediately called my sister to inform her that Dr. M's medical speak last month had apparently meant remission. She was as surprised as I was, she hadn't had a clue that he'd said that either! Dr. M came in, apologetically, saying he didn't realize that he'd neglected to actually use the word remission, but that I was, in fact, in remission. I couldn't even be mad at the guy because I was so overwhelmed, excited, emotional, and freaking ecstatic that I was in remission. The chemo had killed the cancer. I was cancer-free. WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

I left the appointment to pick D up from the airport, and I was practically bouncing out of my skin. The first thing I saw when I spotted him by the curb was his shaved head, shaved in honor of my own head shaving. I jumped out of the car, bounded into his arms, and excitedly whispered through tears that I had gone into remission. It was an excellent moment for the two of us.

That night was another celebration (because that's our style) of the fact that I was in remission. Despite the cancer being gone, I would still have to undergo another three months of chemo. During this time I would feel sicker than I ever did when the cancer was in full force, but knowing that I had beaten this disease helped tremendously in getting through it.

I'm off to Vegas tomorrow for E's bachelorette party..... see you next week!

# 3- How I decided to shave my head

As shallow as it may sound, the first thought when I was diagnosed with cancer was not whether or not I was going to die, was it going to hurt, how long would I have to undergo treatment.... it was "Am I going to lose my hair?"

As I have come to meet more cancer patients/survivors, I have realized that I am NOT weird and shallow, but actually quite normal. Apparently, I am not the only one.

I had really long hair when I first got sick. I made the decision that I would cut it shoulder length before even beginning chemo, just so that I'd "ease" myself into the process. Looking back, it seems almost laughable, because there is a huge difference between having cute shoulder length hair and being bald. But, at the time, it made me feel better.

For a while, we thought I wasn't going to lose my hair. Sure, the chemo was making some of it fall out, but I've always had such thick hair, you couldn't notice. Hell, it was almost a blessing for me, because it meant I only had to shave about every other week, and it was an automatic eye brow thinner! For the first couple months of chemo, the hair loss wasn't a big deal.

Well, then came July. To put it in perspective, my little sister left to go to camp for the whole month of July. When she returned from camp on my 25th birthday (August 4), she started crying. I knew I had been losing more hair, but it took someone who hadn't seen me in a while to shock me back into reality. My hair was coming out at a rapid pace. I woke up every morning with a mess of strands all over my pillow. I was so delicate when I washed my hair, because it would come out in chunks. I stopped brushing it because I was just pulling what little was left out.

By the time August rolled around, I had visible bald spots, and I wouldn't leave the house without a hat. My family threw me a surprise 25th birthday party with a big group of friends, but I thought D and I were just going to dinner alone. I begged him not to take me someplace too nice, because I didn't want to have to remove my hat. Luckily, the party was casual, and I ended up having a great time and being completely surprised, but it was an indicator of what was to come.

I kept hemming and hawing about actually shaving my head. It was one thing to have bald spots, it was another thing to be totally bald. I was terrified of what I would look like, how I would feel, what people would think..... I debated for a couple of weeks. One morning, while D was out of town with his brother, I woke up, looked at myself in the mirror, and I knew that was THE day. I had to take CONTROL. I was tired of my cancer dominating me. I let my mom know, and word got around to my whole family. Everyone came over that afternoon and brought champagne and food. If we were going to do this, we were going to do this as a family and turn it into a celebration. My uncle, who is a hairdresser, had the honors of manning the shears, not only because I trusted him not to nick my head, but also because he was probably going to be the person who wouldn't be sobbing uncontrollably (the same could not be said of my mom, sisters, aunt, etc). We took photos before the shaving, and after, and we toasted with champagne. My uncle then put my wig on my head and styled it for me. And it was done. I was bald.

Being bald wasn't nearly as scary as I had anticipated. Sure, I would have preferred my hair a million times over, but I had a cute wig I wore out of the house, and around the house, no one cared. My friend E even came over one night, and under the influence of lots of champagne, drew smiley faces on my head with marker :). When it grew back, it grew back into a baby mohawk, which was actually kind of cute! I wore my wig for 4 months until my hair had achieved about an inch and a half of length, and then I started rocking the short do, which looked remarkably good on me!

It's been almost 2 years since the head shaving, and my hair is now back in full force. It took a long time to get here, I have been through many phases of hair styling, lots of headbands, hair product..... but I now know that my hair is just hair. It's not me, it's not who I am, and with or without it, I'm going to be okay.

#2- Scars

I've been a bit behind with blogging as it's been crazy busy in my work world, but I have a few minutes to discuss my..... scars.

I know, you probably think I'm referring to the metaphorical emotional scars that having cancer leaves. No, I'm actually referring to the physical scars I now have all over my body.

I, of course, have the scar from where I had my biopsy. It's on the left side of my collarbone, right where my lymph node is. It's not huge, about an inch long. Even two years later, I experience some sensitivity at my scar site if I bend my neck to the right for too long. It has gotten better, it has faded some, but I think it's going to be there forever. And that is okay with me.

I have a few scars around my right bicep, where I had a permanent IV in my arm for about 7 months. On scar from where the IV actually went into my arm, and three smaller scars from where it was stitched into my skin. They are far less noticeable, since they are in the inside of my arm, but they are there. And that is okay with me.

I have scars near my armpit and on my forearm from where I had to endure 7 months worth of wrapping my arm in Glad press and seal wrap, and then sealing the edges with transpore tape every time I bathed to avoid getting my IV wet. My skin got so raw from tearing tape off the same spot every day, and I have marks from the tape that I think are going to be there forever. And that is okay with me.

I have a series of very odd looking lines that run across my stomach now. The very first chemo session I had, one of the drugs made me incredibly itchy, and I scratched my stomach hard with my nails. Those scratch marks never went away. It makes me a bit self-conscious, and I'm supposed to keep my stomach out of the sun so that they don't darken. They have faded a bit over time, but I think they'll be there for a while, which means a life of tankinis and one piece swim suits. And that is okay with me.

I have have all sorts of marks on my legs that weren't there before chemo. I don't know if I scratched myself there or if they just appeared as a result of the drugs, but it looks like I have beat up legs. I have one mark on the outside of my right upper leg that looks like a gigantic bruise, and it's its actually from where I knocked myself after a chemo session..... and it never went away. I will forever be bruised from my cancer. And that is okay with me.

My body is so marked up because of the chemo, but I guess it's a constant reminder of where I've been. I can't change it, I view it as insignificant in comparison to what I've been through.... and they are all okay with me.

#1- What I learned about love from cancer

People generally don't associate cancer with positive experiences, but for me, it taught me the meaning of unconditional love. I know a lot of people say they love their partner unconditionally, and I believe that they believe it, but I also don't think they have been tested in a way that necessarily makes them figure it out for sure.

I am loved unconditionally. I now know what unconditional love is.

As you may or may not know, D was in Europe for a moot court competition when I found out there was a lump in my neck. I had to let him know via email that my doctor had found something, and that it needed to get checked out. It was such a lonely few days, we were hours apart, we only had email to communicate, but even from thousands of miles, and another computer away, he managed to make me feel calmer. He changed his flight to come home earlier to be with me. He went to that very first catscan up in Austin, and he held me as I cried when the doctor called and said I needed a biopsy.

The very first night D met my family was the night before my biopsy. It was an interesting dinner, we all tried to laugh and joke and pretend like nothing else was going on, but it was tough. After dinner, we bid my family goodbye, and D took me back to his place to settle in for the night and prepare for an early morning at the hospital. He rented me a movie, a funny, life affirming movie, and rubbed my back as we watched, wiped my tears as I cried from fear of the unknown, and helped me to actually get some sleep that night. In the morning, he drove me to the hospital, stayed with me until I had to be prepped for surgery, and spent the next several hours with my family. After I was released from surgery, a woozy, vomiting mess, he drove me home, invited my whole family to camp out at his apartment while everyone took care of me, and slept on the world's tiniest couch that night just so that he could be near me. I had to sleep somewhat upright because of my incision, so I was forced to sleep sitting up on the couch instead of in bed.

He stood by my side with my family as I got the phone call the next day telling me that I had cancer. And he soon after publicly pronounced that we were going to fight the hell out of it, and that where ever I needed to be to fight this thing, he was going to follow me and be right there by my side. The next day, he asked me to marry him for the first time.

D missed most of the last month of law school so that he could come back and forth with me from Houston to Austin. He was there for me for all the initial tests at MD Anderson, he took the classes on how to care for my pic line (the permanent IV that I would wear for 6 + months that was stitched into my arm), he learned how to give me the heparin injections that I would need every 24 hours for the next 6 months, and he was there with me during that first chemo session, when I was terrified of what was going to happen.

D moved down to Houston and moved into my mother's house with me. It was, in theory, an unconventional living arrangement, but it worked for us. We had just graduated, he was studying for the bar, we hadn't anticipated ending up in Houston, and oh yeah, I had cancer. It is a situation that would have made most men balk, but he embraced it because it was what I needed.

D loved me through days of vomiting and nausea. He didn't think twice about taking me to the emergency room at midnight when I spiked a fever, even though the bar exam was mere days away. He helped me pick up the hair that was all over my pillow in the mornings, and on that day when I had to finally shave my head, he shaved his own right off. He loved and loved and gave and gave during a time when I had little to give, when I expected a lot and didn't reciprocate. I wasn't able to be the woman he had originally fallen in love with, but his love helped to give me hope that I would get back to her.

It's been a year and a half since I went into remission, and our love is stronger than ever. He is my best friend, and he helped to bring me back after cancer. While I healed physically, emotionally, it took me time to deal with the aftermath of cancer. Many tears were shed, many fears were revealed, many emotions were displayed. He stuck with me and accepted me for who I was and what I had been through.

Unconditional love sounds like it should be easy enough, but looking back..... it just amazes me.

The Cancer Chronicles

For some reason, lately I've been thinking about my bout with cancer and what it was like to go through it. I've decided to write a few blog posts dedicated to this subject. I never journaled while I was undergoing treatment, mostly because I think I was overwhelmed by the experience, but I'd like to get something down, and maybe give you all an insight into my life as a cancer patient.

Please speak quietly.....

..... because I have a hangggggggggover. Ug. Last night D and I went to the Cubs/Astros game, and had some beers. Then we went out with a couple of folks afterwards to a bar and had some more beers. Then all of a sudden it was 7:45am this morning, and I had to go to work. No fun. D was still in bed when I left home, but I think his old age makes it harder for him to rebound ;).

Yesterday I began a workout regime called the Buff Brides workout. It's actually a book that provides you with exercises that you do over a six month period in order to be all buff in your wedding dress. The program, in combination with cardio and good eating, should help me to tone shit up so that I'm a hot bride! Here's hoping anyway, right?

D is headed back to the ballpark tonight with some buddies, and I am hanging out with E. We are going to drink wine and eat hummus. Hummus is healthy, and wine is grapes, so I'm essentially having fruit and fiber, right? It's my justification, and you can't stop me!!!!!!

I was telling E yesterday that I hadn't done anything wedding related in a few days, and it was really stressing me out! I just want the whole damn thing to be planned so that I can relax for a few months, and then, bam, married! It's very weird to think about actually being married. I kind of feel like we already are, I don't know how much will change besides our legal status and tax stuff, but I guess there will be that warm glow of being able to say "hey, husband, go take out the trash" instead of "hey, fiance, go take out the trash."

This post has gotten a bit rambly. I blame the beer!

Just call me an insomniac

Sweet, sweet sleep, where have you been? Seriously, over the past few months, I'll have 1-2 nights a week that I cannot sleep, so I'll leave our bedroom and watch tv on the couch until I doze off around 4am, only to be awakened by the blaring alarm clock what feels like minutes later. This past weekend I couldn't sleep Friday night, so I pulled couch duty, worked 18 hours Saturday, slept from around 3am-10am, and then couldn't fall asleep until after 4am on Sunday night. Last night, while grocery shopping, I picked up some Tylenol Simply Sleep and fell asleep at 9pm until 8am this morning. It was awesome, but I have a definite sleep hangover today, and that combined with the fact I don't want to get addicted to any pills means that I'm going to keep trying to go at it the natural route unless I hit a wall of a few nights in a row.

My mind just races. D is so sweet, he does a lot to try and relax and comfort me, but my mind moves too fast. I've also had several bad dreams lately, the kind that jolt me out of sleep. I don't know what's going on with me, but the happy thing about the sleep pills last night were that they were more powerful than my racing brain.

This week is shaping up to be a good one. D and I are headed to the baseball game tomorrow night, and then I have a girl date on Thursday night for wine and hummus with the fabulous E. I'm ready for May to go a little faster, because I am dying for the three day memorial day weekend. I'm hoping my older sister will have some sort of funday at her home. I'm ready to head back to the pool for the summer! The weather has been a little all over the place lately, ranging from flooding rains to summer heats, but that just means we're in Houston :).

Back to work for me...... think sleepy thoughts for me tonight.

Spring showers.....

So, I'm now mildly concerned about what the weather is going to do on our wedding day next year, with all the rain we've had this month. We are scheduled for April 10, 2010, and it could be absolutely gorgeous, or it could be flooding. It's in God's hands! Although, it might make sense for it to be pouring rain during the day, stop during the ceremony, and then it can pour again after everyone is safely in the reception venue. That's kind of how our engagement day went down. God cleared up the skies just long enough for D to propose outdoors, just the way he wanted. Luckily, I was smart enough not to plan any portion of the wedding outdoors, but there are optional outdoor "components", and who wants bad weather frizzing everyone's hair, and getting people wet as they enter and leave buildings?

We have a church, a reception venue (and with that comes food/booze/cake), and I have a dress. Next on the list is photographer, videographer, and band. It's a lot of work getting this all done, but it's just so worth it to me. I do lots of research into every aspect in the hopes of making it a fantastic day. I can't wait to be Mrs. D! I love the hell outta him. :)

It's a busy week at work with our upcoming gala this weekend. My hopes are that the weather clears up by the weekend so that our guests don't have to contend with it. Event week=jeans all week, which is awesome.

This is short, gotta get back to work!

Pet Peeve # 417: Overcologning

This post kind of functions as a PSA to men: Please, please, please stop slapping on the cologne so liberally. I got overcologned in the elevator this morning, and the stench is still permeating my nostrils.

I have found that the most common offenders are a) old men, b) foreign men, and c), the worst offenders of all, old foreign men. This statement isn't meant to be a stereotype or generalization.... well, maybe it is, but I find it to be true. I feel like I have intimate knowledge, being Greek and all. Old Greek men LOVE them some cologne.

I don't understand. I love it when you can smell a subtle musk on a man. Why would anyone believe you have to throw on half a bottle in order to achieve that effect? Doesn't it get expensive? It's awful, and it is most awful when you are trapped in small spaces, like elevators. If you can still smell the cologne after the offender has exited the space, IT IS TOO MUCH.

So, please, gentlemen, please take away this lesson for future reference: tone down the cologne!

Of Cancer, Money, Marriage, and Men

I'll start off with the quick good news- had my usual 4 month tests at MD Anderson. Unpleasantness, but the test results from this morning were great. No cancer! Wooooooo!

Money- Ug, love it and hate it. The spending diet didn't go quite as planned, but I think I did alright. I'm going to keep working at it. It's tough when unexpected things come up. For example, I found a good price on a plane ticket last week that I would have needed to buy at some point..... so I did it then. I'm going to E's Vegas bachelorette party in June, and I'm all about a deal. I'm still not a perfect spender, but it's been alright.

Marriage- for once, not about me! D and I went to an "anti" wedding shower this weekend for E and S. It was the kind of party where you wear a fake mustache made out of felt, and there are shirts that proclaim people's love for bacon. The rule was the gift had to be $10 or less from a convenience or drug store, so we went with the ever-popular lottery tickets, a mix of scratch offs and mega millions quick picks. We played beer pong and bean bag toss, grilled out, jammed to old school Michael Jackson, and eventually walked over to Lizzard's. It was a really fun night.

Sunday we ventured to my sister's house for Easter, which involved drinking, grilling out, staging an easter egg hunt for the kids..... very fun day.

And men? I've got the best one!!!!! That's it. :)

This week is super busy, I have a bunch of stuff going on, including my very first event that I planned and executed myself. Please keep your fingers crossed that it goes well!

A "spending diet"

As I was heading to bed last night, I watched a special after the nighttime news called "Stretching your Dollar", where they talk about lots of ways to save money in this day and time. I actually heard some pretty good ideas, and one of them is called the "spending diet". It's pretty simple- for one week, you don't spend any money. Of course, I imagine it's a lot harder in practice.

But, I did my grocery shopping yesterday, so I have plenty of food, and I'm willing to give this spending diet a try. I'm not going to spend any money from now until next Sunday.

It sounds easy, but I already see some obstacle's on the horizon.....

For instance, D and I are going to the baseball game on Wednesday night. They are his firm's tickets, so those are free. However, I can't imagine going to a baseball game and not buying some beer. And a hot dog! Isn't that part of the fun of baseball? I have yet to figure out a solution for that one. Maybe if D buys my beer? But, does his money count as my money? So complicated!

I honestly don't spend that much in a week. I generally bring my lunch every day, and I cook dinner most nights. But, little things come up. I'll stop and get frozen yogurt, or buy a magazine or something..... I would like to eliminate gratuitous spending along those lines. I really don't need anything. So, I'm going to give this a try, and maybe turn it into a permanent situation of only spending money one day a week to replenish things like groceries, maybe go out one night.... we'll see.

They also featured a woman who started a practice of saving all of her $5s. Anytime she got a 5, it got stashed away, and in a matter of months, she had over $1,000. Granted, this was a woman who stopped using credit cards, so she always had more cash on hand than the average person, but I think it's an interesting idea. A $5 is a small enough denomination that you won't really miss it if you put it away, but large enough to add up in the big picture.

The featured another lady who is one of those super coupon users. She writes a blog on finding deals on the internet, and how to maximize coupons. Last year, she challenged herself to spend only $800 for the entire year on groceries for a family of 4. She came in $40 under the $800, which astounds me. I spend that much in two months at the grocery store! I don't think I'll be going to those extremes, because I imagine $800 limits you incredibly as to what you can eat, and limits the amount of fresh items you can buy, but I will try and utilize more coupons.

I'm almost exactly a year out from our wedding, and I want to become even smarter about our money. I want to make sure we save early and often so that we are able to have the kind of life we would like!

Race to a reception

I cannot get weddings off the brain. I feel like I will be far more relaxed once I get a reception location. I have seen three places so far, liked two, and determined that one is a fair price. I have three more to check out, but my weary little brain doesn't have much more patience for the process.

I understand why people hire wedding planners. It makes things a whole lot easier to have someone setting up appointments for you, helping you to narrow down places before you even see them, getting valuable advice about things.... but, at the same time, I also think it would be just hugely wasteful to spend money on one when my mom and I really are perfectly capable of doing it on our own. I'd rather invite 10 more guests than pay a wedding planner. But, it would be nice if someone would do it pro bono ;).

I never really thought about all this stuff before I got engaged, but I feel like I'm getting a crash course right now. It makes me tired. I get excited when I do something that allows me to mark a check on the list (for instance, I bought my wedding dress last weekend, and I wish I could wear it every day because I love it so much), but it's a process to get there.

Now, reception locations. It's interesting, because I don't really know what I am doing, but I do know what I like. I knew immediately the first place I went wasn't going to be the spot. It didn't feel.... special. It felt small, cramped, and kind of cheesy. The second place I went to felt spacious, and although it was an older building, an older location, and probably not as "hip", I loved some of the really traditional aspects. The last place I visited was lovely, but I almost snorted in the man's face when he listed prices. I frankly don't understand how anyone in these economic times can charge those prices and expect to continue getting a lot of business. I could tell he was pretty desperate for my business, he kept invading my personal space, complimenting me, and asking what he could do to convince me to hold my reception there. I almost felt sorry for him, but not sorry enough to want to be there.

There are a million venues in Houston, but I don't have the patience to wade through them all, so I'm going to make a decision by the end of the weekend. I just need to pick a place that makes me happy, and move on.

It's been a while....

I've been guilty of what I get annoyed with others for doing- ignoring my blog! I know all 5 of you must be sorely disappointed in me :).

But, in my defense, I spent the last couple of weeks sick, then in Cabo, then sick again and catching up at work, and now I finally have a few moments.

Cabo was amazing. I went with my mom, two sisters, and my younger sister's friend. We relaxed in the sun during the day, went out at night, read lots of books, ate delicious food..... It was a perfect, relaxing trip. I'd been suffering bouts of insomnia before going on the trip, and I think it let me de-stress and let all the "toxins" out.

I've been plagued by sickness for the last couple of weeks. I missed my last two days of work before coming on this trip. I just felt icky, sore, headachy, tired, alternatingly chilled/hot.... I'm better now, but I still have a cough I haven't quite been able to shake.

I am in full blown wedding mode. I'm on the hunt for a reception venue and a band right now. Once I get those two things secured, I will feel sooooooooo much more relaxed about the whole thing. Places are already starting to book for my date, a little more than a year away.... crazy! As a result, I'm seeing 6 venues within the next week. It makes my mind hurt a little thinking about it. I just want to get that part out of the way.

You know you are marrying the one when they tell you to plan the wedding that YOU want, and they will be happy because it makes you happy. It's very strange, I was never the girl who planned her wedding in her head, I always pictured myself married one day and imagined it being a fun event, but I never really had a sketch of it in my mind. Right now I have the chance to figure out what I like, and I hope to plan something that screams of D and me. What makes me happiest is that at the end of the day, yes, I am excited about the wedding, but I'm even more excited about the marriage and the adventures to come. Part of why this wedding is important to me is because I get to pledge my love and devotion to this man in front of God, my friends, and my family, and that is so special to me.

Alright, I'm jumping off the mush train now. It's Friday, and I'm wedding-it all day tomorrow, from dress to two venue appointments to checking out live performance from a potential band. It's one of those wedding weekends!

Having trouble springing forward

I don't know if it's the time change, or a general lack of sleep, but I am perma-exhausted. I really NEEDED that hour of sleep on Sunday morning..... I suppose i should quit complaining, the weekend was otherwise lovely.

Friday, my work had our annual golf tournament. ome of my exhaustion my stem from the fact that I woke up at 3am to get ready and head out to the course. It wasn't a nearby golf course, so it took us some time to get out there. I was in charge of volunteers for the event, and most things went smoothly, but not all. We definitely had some people just not show up, which is incredibly frustrating. I wish people understood how vital volunteers are to an event, especially when you only have a staff of 7, and how much we need them to come if they say they are coming!!!! Ok, rant over. We worked through minor snafus, and the day mostly went off without a hitch.

Friday night, D arranged for us to go see Watchmen with another couple. It wasn't a movie I was thrilled about seeing, but he'd been dying to see it for a while and watching a movie is a fairly low key way of spending a night after waking up at 3am. Before the movie started, D leaned over and said, "It's okay if you need to fall asleep, I just wanted to be near you." I took his sweet comment literally and fell asleep on his shoulder for the first hour a half of the movie, which made the last hour not incredibly interesting. Some advice, though: THIS IS NOT A MOVIE FOR CHILDREN. There is lots and lots of naked.

After my movie nap, I seemed to catch a second wind, and we went out for some beers with M and E, the couple we saw the movie with. M is a co-worker of D's, and we'd spent time with them at the St. Arnold's Team in Training Fundraiser we attended earlier that week. It was a pleasant evening, but we both crashed hard when we came home.

Saturday D woke up early go to work (stupid lawyering), and I cleaned. D's parents came in town Saturday afternoon to spend the night with us, hang out, go to dinner, bring us some barstools, and see the new place. We had a great time with them. We went to America's on Saturday night, a place I hadn't been since college, and it was amazing. We order crawfish taquitos, crab fingers in a lemon butter sauce, and empanadas as an appetizer, I got the churraso steak for dinner, and then we split tres leches and bread pudding for dessert. It was incredible.

Sunday morning we awoke all too early (or too late?) with the time change, went to breakfast at Le Peep, and his parents took off for Frisco. I lazed the day away while D went back to work and then went to a dinner at my aunt's house. She had about 30 people over for a dinner party in honor of some friends visiting from Greece. As with any Greek event, there was food, food, and more food. Ug, gluttony was the theme of the weekend.

And now I have 4 more days of work, and then off to Cabo on Sunday!

The wedding just got more real!

Happy Tuesday to all... oh, 6 or so of my readers :). Whatever, this provides a lovely way of keeping my friends up-to-date on my life.

This past weekend was very fun. I spent all day Saturday wedding dress hunting with my mom and younger sister. I have a newfound respect for anyone who works in a wedding dress store. I would have driven myself crazy. I think my problem is that I didn't have a real concept of what I wanted and what would look good to me. I tried on a few dresses that I thought looked great on the hanger.... but they weren't great on me. It really helped having someone to help me one on one. The first place we went to was my favorite, I think, and it is there that I found three dresses that I loved.... three dresses I would have never picked out for myself, but that the owner of the store suggested I try on. What a difference a little perspective makes. She definitely saw something I didn't see, and I ended up falling in love with her suggestions.

I wish I could have three weddings, I don't know how to pick just one.

The three dresses all happened to be by the same designer, who is having a trunk show at the end of March, which means 10% discount. Woo! It may not sound like a lot, but it's a nice chunk off an expensive dress.

It seems crazy to me in the logical part of my head to spend so much money on a dress you'll only wear once. But the girly, giddy side of me thinks it's a great investment in my beautifulness that day :).

And trying on a wedding dress does serve as the best motivation ever to lose weight. Hence the hour-long power lift class I did at the gym this morning. OUCH. Please don't ask me to lift my arms over my head today, I just won't be able to comply.

The part that made it seem the most real? Not trying on the dress, not getting opinions from my mom, not telling the story of how we got engaged or when our wedding date was..... but trying on that veil. Wow. So bridal!

Our first Mardi Gras

D mentioned last week that his good friend from work, J, was going down to New Orleans this weekend for Mardi Gras and had invited him. J went to law school in NOLA, so it was a tradition for him. D didn't think he was going to go, but was thinking about it.

Well, at 11am on Friday, D called me saying that he had spoken to some cousins of his in New Orleans, and he had a place to stay, and he'd like me to come with him, but he wanted to leave right away. I hemmed and hawed for a bit. I'm not very good at spontaneous, and I could think of a million reasons not to go, but I decided to let it be for once, and I said yes. My boss graciously let me leave the office early, and I ran home to quickly pack. We threw our stuff into a bag and hit the road.

Well, of course, no spontaneous plan goes off without glitches. We encountered traffic-- a few jammed spots along the way, and then a huge accident right outside of New Orleans that stopped traffic for an hour and a half. We turned off the car and got out and spent some time chatting with our fellow Mardi Gras revellers. When everyone finally got to get back in their cars and get moving, we passed a car that had literally exploded. very scary. In total, the normally 5.5 hour trip to New Orleans took us over 10 hours. Yikes.

Additionally, D got a text message on the way down from one of the cousins saying he thought his brother had room, but it turned out he didn't We were well into the trip when we got this news, so we entered New Orleans with no place to stay but my car, and we knew odds of finding a hotel room in the midst of Mardi Gras were slim. We reconciled ourselves to the fact that we were just going to have to play hard all night, and play it by ear.

We arrived, parked near his cousin's house on St. Charles to at least ensure the car would be in a good location and took off on foot. We grabbed some late night dinner and started drinking. We went from St. Charles to Canal Street, to Bourbon Street for a while, to Harrah's casino..... we walked all over the place, soaking in the mayhem, sipping our beverages, and having fun. I definitely lost some money playing roulette at the casino, but I figure when I lose money in another city, it's like it doesn't count! Plus, I took advantage of the free drinks, so I probably came out around even.

We left Harrah's around 5:00am. We'd periodically stopped into hotels while walking to see about a hotel room for Saturday night. We figured we could stay out all Friday night and into Saturday daytime, try and find a room, and sleep for several hours before going out again. But much like Mary and Joseph trying to find an inn room, we were turned away at hotel after hotel. Finally, we stopped at the J.W. Marriott on Canal Street around 5:30am. Not only did they have a room for Saturday night, but it was available right then, and she would only charge us for one night. We took our exhausted, dirty selves up to bed and crashed hard for a few hours.

We awoke Saturday morning, and did as much as we could in the way of getting ready without having any of our stuff. It was all still back in my car a couple of miles away. We set out on foot again, headed in the direction of St. Charles to get some food, our first drink of the day, and our things. We saw several of the parades passing us, as well as a collection of the most interesting people you've ever seen. This weekend was perfect for people watching. We got some food, and frozen hurricanes, grabbed our stuff, stopped in and said hello to his cousin, and went back to the hotel for a shower. No shower has ever felt so good! After showering, we walked around the art district, went over the the French Quarter, and watched several really great street performances, including a group of guys that were on America's Got Talent (they were runners up to a group of gay Cowboys), and a guy who tied a rope to two columns in the French Quarter and performed a tight rope walking show. We also saw a couple walking hand in hand, both wearing blue jeans, and both topless, with body paint covering their top half. The girl was frequently photographed, and even stopped and had a friendly conversation with some cops. Only in new Orleans.

We went to Emeril's Delmonico that night. I thought it was good, but it wasn't as great as I expected. The Top Chef contestants had been there a month ago doing some filming, and D thought it would be fun for me since I'm such a fan of the show. I definitely enjoyed my food, but it wasn't the "wow" I expected from Emeril's place. We went back to Harrah's for a while, and then we both felt the overwhelming exhaustion that came from lots of drinking and partying and little sleep. We went back to the hotel and fell asleep around 11pm, and slept approx. 10 hours.

We woke up the next morning, packed, and headed back to Houston. The drive home took significantly less time than the drive there (thank God!). We really had a great time, and I'm glad I put aside my over planning tendencies for once. It turns out that maybe things do just work out.

But, if we return next year, I'll definitely be booking a room in advance ;).

Love is in the Air.....

I apologize for my lack of blogging lately. But to be fair, most of my friends in the blogsphere haven't been keeping up as well as they should either! Come on, folks, I need a couple breaks in the day!

Valentine's Day is almost upon us. I like Valentine's day. Even on the years when I was single, I've still enjoyed the holiday. One of my most fun memories on Valentine's was going out with a group of girlfriends from law school for a mexican dinner, and then ending up at an anti-Valentine's party on 6th street. It was great, and we had a blast.

This will be my third Valentine's Day with D. On our first Valentine's, we'd been dating for about 4 or 5 months. He had grand plans of surprising me by whisking me away to San Antonio, walking around the riverwalk, eating a romantic dinner..... well, the coldest weather ever decided to hit Austin and bring some ice with it, so his plans were dashed. He ended up sweet talking the owner of an Italian restaurant that we enjoyed to squeeze us in without reservations. We had a really lovely evening, and it was much warmer than walking around outside :).

Last year was right before I took the bar exam, so Valentine's also functioned as one of the few breaks I got that month. D took me for a fabulous dinner at Del Frisco's where we noshed on some of the most delicious steak I'd ever tasted. He came home with beautiful roses, and he presented me with a piece of paper and told me that it was my present. I opened the paper and it was a "receipt" for a blood donation made at MD Anderson in my honor. It was one of the best presents I ever received, and it definitely reduced me to tears. I think of that as "paying it forward", and I'm thrilled that his donation could have potentially saved the life of a cancer patient.

This year I'm honestly not sure what our plans are. We may stay in, we may go out. I honestly don't care what we do as long as we are together. Love ain't easy, but we've been through thick and thin, and we've still got that strong bond between us that grows even stronger over time.

I hope that you celebrate the love in your life this Valentine's day, whether it's the love of a significant other, friends, family, pets.... Times are tough, and we need to cherish all the wonderful things in our lives.

Friday! Friday! Friday!

I am thrilled it's Friday. I can't believe it has been two weekends since the half. I need to start running again, I'm being too sedentary. I'm going to try and squeeze one in tomorrow in between a morning appointment, lunch, and errands to run..... Yeah, I know, we'll see :/.

Last night E and I went to the Tasting Room for some girl time and vino. The place was definitely bumping, but we managed to find two seats at the bar. E's been traveling a lot lately, so I was really glad to pin her down for a few hours. The night was really fun, and then it took a weird twist at the end.

E and I simultaneously got hit on by guys on either side of us. Her guy was a throw back to 1988, a real charmer who in mid-pick up line stopped to take off his wedding ring and stick it in his pocket. I guess a wedding ring can put a wrench in one's game. He justified it to E by saying it was his third marriage, and she worked all the time. Lame!

My guy was rapidly approaching 50 and a dead ringer for the Brawny paper towel guy, red flannel shirt and all. He kept telling me I was pretty while also commenting on the fact he could be my father. Guh-ross!

But, like an angel sent straight from God, by total randomness, my cousin's friend, A, happened to be at the bar that night, and she ran straight to me and E while we were squirming, trying to find a way to extricate ourselves from our suitors. She kind of pushed them out of the way, began chatting with us, recommended we go outside.... it was the perfect getaway. Thank you, A!!!!

Not much on tap for this weekend beyond the mundane errands, probably some cleaning.... We are having our first mini "party" on Sunday. We are having a few family members over to watch the Super Bowl on the new 52" tv. I'm glad it's family, it's like a practice gathering. Not to undermine any of our family members, but I don't have to be as prepared for them. I think I may need to purchase some more plates, because I don't think we have enough. Hopefully it will be a fun evening. My mom continues to alleviate a lot of the burden by offering to cook. I love my mom :).

I hope everyone has a great weekend!

I want to take a class

I'd really like to take some sort of class that teaches me a useful skill or craft. I'd like it to be something D and I could do together, so preferably not potpourri making or something like that. In the spirit of personal enrichment, I'd like to learn something new in 2009, but I don't really know where to start. Where can I find classes? What kind of class should I take?

In the alternative, what sort of hobby could we take up on our own? I'd like to find something beyond the massive amounts of tv that will bring us even closer together.

In other news, I spent most of yesterday with a massive headache. Came home, took a long, hot bath, and crawled into bed. When D came home, he laid down with me for a bit, ordered a pizza so no cooking would have to be done, and even watched the Bachelor with me, which is a pretty big sacrifice for a guy.

Now that's love :).

More details on the half

So, I didn't really get into the details of the half last week. It was such a cool experience, but I'm not sure how to document it in words. I feel like the pictures tell a better story!

Nerves were flying in the days leading up to the event. I was scared of how I would do, if I would be able to finish, etc. It just seemed really daunting. I arrived at the Hyatt downtown on Saturday afternoon for the TNT pasta party, shirt decorating, and overnight so that we simply had to walk to the start line. It was a very good idea!

Running partner K (RPK) and I were roommates for the night, and we twiddled our thumbs until it was time to go down to the party. The food was actually quite good, and I carbed it up. They showed a slide show while we ate that featured the honored teammates from all the TNT groups across the city. I was on there, and it was a bit unnerving to see my face on a big screen every few minutes.

The presentation honored everyone who was there, and it singled out the top fundraisers. I was so proud to be a member of that group. I have raised almost $9,700 to date, which is beyond what I ever thought possible. I doubt I'll be able to touch that number again, but it sure would be nice to pull that off every year :).

We heard a speech from one of the mentors, P, who incidentally was one of my freshmen when I was an O-week coordinator during college. She lost her father to leukemia, and this was her second TNT event. Her speech, of course, had me bawling by the time she was done. Luckily, the night wasn't all about tears, we moved on to the shirt decorating party. RPK and I picked up these very cool sparkly letters, and we each put our name on the front of the singlets, and I put "Cancer is my bitch! Survivor since 2007" on the back.

That night's sleep wasn't awesome. We definitely tossed and turned, and then all of a sudden, it was 4:30am, and we were up. The weather was chilly, but pretty mild outside, so I went with shorts instead of the tight running pants, and a long sleeved shirt under my singlet. I wore some gloves as well. The whole TNT group met in the lobby of the hotel for a group picture, and then we walked over to the George R. Brown convention center to wait. We spent a good 45 minutes to an hour waiting inside of the facility before we were allowed to walk out to the start line. RPK and I were in the "slower" group (I prefer to call it noncompetitive!), so we started 10 minutes after the initial wave. Hearing that start gun was pretty exciting. We were in a big group for a while, and then things started thinning out.

As for the actual run part, it went well at first, then got hard, and then was on and off. I definitely did some walking, but I think I ran more than I anticipated. I also dealt with some aches and pains that were something awful. I developed a horrible side stitch about half way through that kept plaguing me, especially in the last stretch of the race. I finished the event almost doubled over, holding my side and weeping, both from emotion and pain.

On the upside, I had AMAZING support. My family, friends, and co-workers were out in full force, wearing TNT shirts, holding signs with my name on them, offering Gatorade.... it was awesome. They motivated me to keep going. D and my niece and nephews jumped in with me for a couple of blocks around mile 10, and that was fun. I remember how much fun it used to be to run as fast as possible when I was a kid :).

As for the end, I finished within the mandated 4 hours, without a problem. I wasn't very fast, and I'm definitely not a runner, but it was an awesome experience. I had the best time getting to know TNT people this season, sharing my story, getting involved with this cause.....

I had one guy come up to me during the pasta dinner to thank me for sharing my story with them all season. He told me that he signed up with TNT not having any connection to blood cancer, but I gave him one. If I inspired anyone to raise one more dollar, to want to do it again, to want to be more involved with the cause..... then I did my job.

The post race party was at my sister's bar, and it was loads of fun. The night ended with an impromptu family dance party, which is always fun! Many thanks to the friends and family who attended.

And as for me, a week later, my body is back in good shape. No more pain, although I was hurting something bad Tuesday and Wednesday of last week. I've already signed up for a 5K at the end of February, and I'm eager to do his same event with TNT next year. Most rewarding experience ever!

I did it!!!!

The half-marathon was this past weekend, and while I don't have time to write a full post, I just wanted to let you all know that I am alive! It was an awesome, amazing, painful, challenging, overwhelming, emotional experience, but I completed it, and I'm very proud.

And..... I think I'm coming back next year for more. I just can't stop until we find a cure for blood cancer.

More details to come when I finish catching up on all the work I've missed!

Moving, running, moving, running

D and I are moving tomorrow. I really, really hate moving, and we are trying to do it on the cheap, which means no movers..... just family :(. I've got to take it easy. My back aches have been flaring up from all the bending and moving boxes, and I don't want ANYTHING hindering me this weekend as I'm running. I'm very grateful that my sister and brother-in-law own a bar and don't work during the day. They will be helping us along with my mother. My mom is better at the "unpacking" part rather than the lifting heavy stuff. Although, I'm glad to have an unpacker on my team, because if there is anything that I hate more than packing..... it's unpacking.

I went to a Team in Training VIP reception last night, and pulled a classic K-- drank a lot of wine and got emotional about cancer stories :). It was fun, though, and it gave me the chance to talk with some people without then having to take off for a 8 mile run or something. People look different in regular clothes!

I'm still getting the butterflies about the event this weekend, but I'm also excited. I keep checking the weather, wondering what it's going to do. I need to plan for all contingencies. I also need to figure out how to carry all the stuff I want to have with me. Ideally, I'll have GUs, car keys, my phone, and a camera. I may have to ditch the camera. I know that I can run comfortably with that other stuff, but a camera might be pushing it. This is a moment where I wish I had my iPhone, so I could take pictures along the route and be accessible! I know friends and family will have cameras, but I want to snap some random shots of what 13.1 miles of Houston looks like on a Sunday morning.

Again, if you haven't donated, please do :). I hope you all will still be my friends after my incessant harassment over the past few months. I promise to give you a few months break from solicitation :).

Go Team!

Less than one week

I am less than one week from my half-marathon, and I am skkkeeerrrrrrrddddd! Every time I think about it, I get butterflies in my stomach. I always knew it would happen eventually, but it always seemed so far away, and now..... one week away. Less than one week away!

I picked up my Team in Training stuff last week, and this Friday my running buddy K and I will pick up our official marathon packet. I'm just so nervous that I'll do horribly and embarrass myself in front of all my supporters. I just want to get through it without falling apart.

Before our last group run on Saturday, one of our coaches said "If you cross the finish line without tears coming out of your eyes, there is something wrong with you." I don't think there is anything to worry about with me, I'm actually hoping not to be outright bawling when I cross the finish line. This event is so much more than just a half-marathon to me. It's about the cause, it's about the amazing fundraising I've managed to do (more than $8,500!), it's about tackling a challenge, it's about being healthy enough to complete it..... It's about all those who I am running in honor of. So, yeah, I probably will be bawling as I cross the finish line, and as I see all the people in purple singlets crossing the finish line.

And in case you haven't donated yet......

http://pages.teamintraining.org/txg/houston09/klilienstern

Please.

Step 1: Spending time with friends

Yesterday at work I received an email from Pappasito's advertising 1/2 priced fajitas for 2 every Wednesday night between now and February 11. I sent the email on to a few friends, and I received a reply from my recently married friend BR asking what time D and I were going to meet him and his wife. I had to laugh, he's definitely the type to take a forwarded email as an invitation. But, I thought, why not? I resolved to spend time strengthening my relationships this year, and I hadn't seen them since they returned from their honeymoon.

So, I checked with D, and we made plans to meet them. Since we were doing a later dinner, I also asked a couple of co-workers to grab a drink after work. It was a gorgeous day, so we ventured around the corner to my sister's bar, had a couple glasses of wine, and then I went to pick D up for dinner.

We had a great time with BR and V. They are a really fun couple, and the fajitas were delicious (as were the frozen margaritas, which kind of flies in the face of my goal to lose weight, but I think I kept everything in moderation). After dinner, they treated us to a little TCBY, and we made plans to do it again. I forget about taking moments out from my busy schedule to have a pleasant evening with friends, but I'm so glad we got together with them.

Next Wednesday? Game on!

PS- To all my blogger friends..... start blogging! I'm getting bored looking at old posts :).

New Year, new me?

I don't like new year's resolutions. I think they set people up to fail, and why do we have to wait until the new year to start bettering ourselves?

However, I will agree there is something about the passage of another year that makes you reflective, and it makes you think about yourself and your life. I think I became a bit complacent in 2008. I don't think I worked to be the best "me" that I could. I think after 2007 being such a fight, after having to be strong and working for everything so hard, I just kind of wanted to coast. Coasting is not living. Coasting is taking the easy way out. I wouldn't say 2008 was a bad year, there were many highlights including taking and passing the bar, staying healthy, training for the half-marathon, getting engaged, finding a job...... but I don't think I pushed myself to the extent of what I am capable.

So, without putting it in terms of a new year's resolution, I want to spend 2009 becoming a better me, mind, body, and soul. I want to take my health seriously, which means dropping some pounds, eating better, and maintaining a commitment to exercise. I want to become a better, more adept cook in my new household. I want to strengthen the relationships in my life and make the people I love a priority. I want to become more fiscally responsible and forward thinking. I'm on the verge of getting married and starting my own family, and I want to make sure I'm able to provide for myself and the future.

I think by being the best me I can be, I'm going to be a lot happier. I think my happiness vacillates depending on whether I'm just coasting or living. I want to remember the lessons that having cancer taught me and live my life to the fullest extent. Corny, but true.

So, I'm asking my friends and readers to help hold me accountable to not a new year's resolution, but a total life makeover :).