Mad, mad men

D picked up the first two disks of the first season of Mad Men this weekend, and we plowed right through them. This show is pretty cool. It's crazy to see how different things were in the 60s. I have been getting slightly nauseated from all the smoking they do in every episode. It also blows my mind at the way in which women were treated. It was a sexist, chauvinist society, and women just had to take it. I'm sure the cultural norms have been heightened for the purposes of entertaining television, but it's still, I believe, a somewhat accurate portrayal of the social norms at the time. If you haven't seen this show, I highly recommend it. Quality acting, interesting story lines, complex characters..... I'm a fan.

The big 12-miler came and went. I think it went pretty well considering. We finished, and we finished in a respectable time. I'm going to make it through this event, there's no doubt about it. I am so, so, soooooooo sore today, but I feel good.

Tonight I'm doing HH with one of my best friend's from high school, MC. She lives in NYC now, but happily, I've had the chance to see her a few times this year since friends have gotten married. I'm ready to kick back and continue to ring in the holiday season with a couple of cocktails. :) I ran 12 miles, I earned it :P

12 miles? What the fuuuuuuuuu...........

Tomorrow I will be waking up at 4am to drive out to way, way West Houston to meet all the Team in Training groups from around the city for our 12 mile run (21 for the full-marathoners). Good lord, I didn't think I would make it to this point. They are going to try and simulate real marathon conditions. We are supposed to wear the clothes we think we might wear on marathon day, eat the same thing, carry the same stuff.....

It sounds totally intimidating to me right now. 12 miles? As D said this morning, oh-so-helpfully, "I don't even want to drive 12 miles".

I'll do it. I'm confident I'll make it through the mileage. There may be some walking involved. Who am I kidding, there will most definitely be some walking involved. I'm still not a runner. I think going from zero to half-marathon in 6 months was a little ambitious.

I'm still so committed to the cause, and so committed to following through, so I'm going to grit my teeth and do it! I'll have my running buddy with me, and we'll make it through a sucky morning :).

I'm actually going to play it low key tonight. Sometimes I have a problem doing that. I'm a fun-loving girl, what can I say? :)

They have asked me to say a few words before we begin the run tomorrow. Gulp. This is going to be a large group, and I hope I don't stumble over myself. Or fall down. Or burp or fart or something. That would be bad.

I think I'll start practicing my speech now!

Christmas Surprises!

Last night D surprised me by taking me to a performance of the Nutcracker and dinner. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the Nutcracker, and we didn't have the opportunity to attend last year. D told me that we were going to a "work event", and then we ended up downtown at the ballet :). He got really good seats, and it was a fabulous evening (complete with champagne and everything! :))

We are going over to my friends' E and S's house tonight for a couples ornament exchange. When I informed my younger sister what our plans were she said "Wow, y'all really do old people stuff." This was funny because S entitled the invitation email "When old people get together". I'm okay with being old people, as long as it involves dessert and wine.

Just a couple more days of work this week, a couple next week, and then..... holidays! 12 days off! Christmas! Family! Food! Friends! Fun!!!!!!

Just popping in for some good news.....

Had my results visit this morning, and I am still cancer-free! I'm so happy, relieved, and I'm more determined and ever to continue kicking it's ass, both by staying in good health, and by raising money for LLS.

Woo!

A small wedding?

This past weekend I attended the wedding of my college buddy, BR. The wedding was small, only about 80 people, but it was very fun. I realized the advantages of having a smaller wedding. Everyone there is "a-list". You have your closest family and friends in attendance to witness your big day. You have the opportunity to speak with everyone without feeling like you spend your entire night talking to your father's dentist's son's wife our of obligation. There is an opportunity for lots of people to toast the couple. There is a certain feeling of intimacy, which is nice.

They had a great DJ, and the music was very fun. BR's wife is from Colombia, so they found a nice balance of American Latin fusion. It was a beautiful wedding, and all of my college friends had a great time.

I had dinner last night with my friends MM and J. MM cooked fabulous crab cakes, and a chocolate lava cake to die for. I think it will need to be a repeat recipe, since D loves the chocolate lava cake at Fleming's.

Last full week of work before the holidays..... and tomorrow I get the results from last week. Please say a prayer for me if you have a chance. I want a healthy holiday season!

Snow and barium!

Didn't get the chance to post about Wednesday night's snow yesterday, as I was at the MD. But, it was actual snow. It even stuck a little bit to the ground before melting. We took a brief walk through the neighborhood, stuck out our tongues to catch snowflakes, and frolicked in a rare Houston winter wonderland.

Yesterday was far less pleasant. I arrived at the MD, took care of my bloodwork and chest x ray, and then went to go sit in the waiting room of the catscan area until it was close enough to the time of my appointment to check in. Catscans are quite a process, with an hour and a half of prep time before you can actually do the scan. I finally checked in around 1:40 for a 2:10 prep time start. This ain't my first rodeo, so I know that going to the hospital involves lots and lots of waiting. They are very rarely running on time. My hope was that this would be the one day, the Christmas miracle, much like the rare snow miracle the night before, that they would actually be on schedule so that I could make it out of there in time to get to D's holiday cocktail party.

Well, let's just say the MD ran predictably. I didn't get called until around 2:55, and they gave me my first cup of liquid barium. Mmmmmm, berry flavored barium! They even call it a "berry smoothie" on the front of the bottle, as though it makes it better or more palatable. I got called for my second cup at 3:25, and although I was scheduled for a 3:40 catscan, and I knew I wouldn't make that time, I still thought I would be out of there within a reasonable amount of time.

Wrong!

4pm comes and goes. 4:30 comes and goes. 5:00 comes and goes. At this point, it's been an hour and a half since my last bottle of barium, and I am supposed to have one bottle every half hour over an hour and a half. D's party has already started at this point, and I am losing hope that I will be able to attend, but I am still hopeful that maybe we can have some fun later in the night. I ask the nurses for the umpteenth time when I'll be called back into the "inner" waiting room. Oh, that's right. I was in the outer waiting room, I hadn't even been called back into the inner waiting room, where you change into scrubs, drink your last bottle of barium, have your IV inserted, and generally wait a little closer to where the machines are located.

Finally, at 5:20 I'm called back into the inner waiting room. I change into my scrubs, get my warm blanket, and settle into another chair for another wait. I get called to have my IV inserted, and since there had been such a lapse in time from when I had my last bottle of barium..... I got two :). Gross, yuck, gross!!!!!!!

I waited in the inner waiting room for another hour. For some reason, it seemed to be lung and throat cancer day in the catscan area. Never before have I heard so many voiceboxes or such..... hacking. It's the best stop-smoking campaign I've ever seen. I'd prefer not to have a gaping hole in my throat at any point in my life.

Finally, around 6:30ish, I get called for my scan. I haven't eaten since 8am, since you can't eat for a few hours before you start your prep, the barium was causing me horrific stomach pains, and the..... additional barium they give me while I'm in the machine didn't help things either. The iodine contrast also felt funny.

The scan itself only takes about 20 minutes, so it was the most efficient part of my day. I rolled out of the MD around 7, went home, bathed, and crawled right into bed. I missed D's holiday party, was in no condition to have fun, and just wanted to sleep. D came home from his event after I called and said I was done at this hospital, and I got really weepy when I saw him. For as often as I do this, I still get so emotional about it. I hate the hospital. I have come to loathe it, because I feel like a sick person when I am there. I'm feeling better today, still a little uncomfortable from the barium, but generally alright. I feel like a big, huge baby for whining about it.... but I'm tired. I know this is what I have to do for my health, but it's still tough.

So, now begins the waiting game for my results appointment on Tuesday. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. I'm very lucky to have a full, fun weekend ahead of me to keep me plenty distracted.

And after that lengthy, downer post, a happy Friday to everyone! :)

MD Day

My MD Anderson day is almost upon me. Tomorrow I just have tests, no results, so it's somewhat anti climatic, but very, very exhausting. As I have mentioned in previous posts, I hate the poking, prodding, and feeling like a sick person. I want to get the most boring tests results ever- no change! Still cancer-free! Scar tissue continues to decrease in size! I'm starting to get the butterflies that I get around this time every test day.

I'm going to think positively, and I hope everyone will keep me in your thoughts and prayers. I am confident I will get good results, but once you've gone through the big C, there is a part of you that always anticipates the worst.

Tomorrow night I'll be attending another one of D's firms holiday parties after my full day of patienting. I'm hoping it will be a fun end to a very long day. At least there will be a big drink at the end of the road ;).

D and I are attending a wedding this weekend for my dear friend from college, BR. BR is an awesome guy, and I am very excited for him. Several of my college friends are descending upon Houston this weekend for the festivities, so it should be a lot of fun. I already have pedicures scheduled with one of my best girlfriends from college, J. :)

After this week, just one more full week of work, and then a short week..... and then almost 2 weeks off at Christmas! I can't wait for the holiday, my dad and his wife, plus my brother and his wife and 4 kids, plus all of my huge family here will be celebrating. It's D's first Christmas with my family (we spent last year with his), so I'm hoping we do it up in style for him.

Happy hump day!

I think I might hate running

I think I'm hitting a running wall. I hate that it's the only kind of exercise I have time for. I hate that I'm still awful at it, and that I only seem to be getting worse. I hate the fact that running has to dictate my entire schedule, because not running for a day doesn't just mean not exercising, but it means not training for this event that I have signed up for in just a little more than a month. Gulp. The cold weather is, oddly, making running even harder on me. I'm having terrible trouble with my breathing, and it is hindering my endurance. I HATE YOU, RUNNING!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, calm down.... vent over..... I just experienced some extreme frustration in the past few days, and a true realization that I'm probably not going to be able to run this whole thing. I'm scared of even being able to run most of it. I feel like I've made a promise to lots of people, and I am letting them down. I've also been having some terrible back pain. I've had lower back problems for years, and sometimes it flares up worse than others. It's becoming increasingly difficult on my back, especially during the long distances.

Alright, enough about that. January 18, I'm going to be there and put forth the best effort I can, and I will continue to put forward my best efforts until that day.

A quick recap: Thanksgiving was great, I enjoyed spending time with D's family. We did some shopping up in Frisco, and we looked at about 30 different furniture stores. Seriously, D's new favorite hobby is home furnishings. It's all he wants to do! We found some very cute home accessories at Ross and Marshall's. D is also really into vases :).

Last week was fairly uneventful at work, and Friday night I had two parties. One was D's firm Christmas party, the second was a birthday party for my friend M...... and it was a slumber party! Yay! I got all fancy and gambled with fake money at D's party, which was actually quite fun. I got very lucky for a while playing roulette. I left him behind to head over to M's, where we drank grown up party drinks, gossipped, and ate Crave cupcakes. I swear, they will be my downfall.

Saturday I did some shopping, and we bought a Christmas tree. Sunday I volunteered with my sister's organization, the Pink Ribbons project, and Sunday night we put on Christmas music and decorated the tree. All in all, a fabulous weekend.

This week I go back to MD Anderson for my next round of tests. It would be the most awesome Christmas gift ever to know that I'm still in remission. I still get so scared and nervous. I'll get my results of Thursdays tests at my doctor's appointment the following Tuesday. So, if you could all start thinking healthy thoughts for me, I'd appreciate it.

Happy (almost) Thanksgiving!

When 2pm rolls around today, I'll be heading out to begin my holiday! Almost a week off of work...... yay! This afternoon I'm going to be doing the 10 mile run I missed last weekend. I'm pretty intimidated, it's the greatest mileage I have ever tackled, but I'm trying to be smart about it. I am spending the morning hydrating... lots and lots of water. Then I'll stop in a few minutes so that I am not sloshy or crampy this afternoon. I mapped out my route online, and it's going to take me through my neighborhood, up to Rice to do a loop around the outside of campus, and winding back through the neighborhood. We'll see how this goes.

D and I are headed up to the greater Dallas area tomorrow to spend Thanksgiving with his family. I'm excited to see them and getaway from Houston for a few days. It will be my first Thanksgiving away from my family, so I'm curious to see how they do it. I don't think I have any cooking duties, so maybe I'll just sit back and eat and eat and..... eat :).

I may or may not post anything while I'm gone, so if not, I hope everyone has a happy, safe, wonderful thanksgiving.... there is a lot to be thankful for even in difficult times, and I hope we all focus on the good things in our lives.

Opa!

This weekend was the Greek festival. Friday night I enjoyed the festival as an overeating, boozing visitor, Saturday I morphed into a Greek pizza making volunteer. I ate so much food this weekend. Between D and I, we ate about a million souvlaki (beef tenderloin marinaded in goodness and served on a stick), Lokumades (donut hole looking things with a hot honey glaze and powdered sugar), pastizio (a Greek pasta dish with meat), Greek salad (greek salad), gyro (thin slices of lamb/beef with veggies and a cucumber yogurt sauce), rice pudding (duh), and much more. I butchered the spelling on some of that stuff, so please forgive me :).

We met up with one of D's buddies from work on Friday, ate and drank at the festival, and then went to a bar in midtown. Saturday I missed my 10 mile run from overindulgence the night before, but we still woke up fairly early to be the the festival at 10. I was on my feet for the better part of 8 hours making pizzas, which was actually pretty fun. It was a good group in the booth, and I felt kind of like a short order cook. We assembled the pizzas, and then they went through a conveyor belt oven, which took about 3 minutes. There was definitely some back-up at points, because the kids preferred pizza over some of the other food, so it made us a popular booth. We finally left after dark and took our tired bones home.

I have a new found respect for anyone in a job where you are on your feet all day. My back was throbbing, my knees hurt, my arms were tired..... I was sore all over. I'm actually glad I missed my run, because there is no way I could have run 10 miles and then stayed on my feet all day. I'm going to make up my run tomorrow afternoon when I get off of work early for the Thanksgiving holiday.

Sunday we were slow to get moving in the morning, but we spent all day going from furniture store to furniture store looking for a new couch. We went by our new place and took measurements, and we found a pretty awesome chocolate brown leather couch. It's incredibly comfortable, and we got a really good deal. I LOVE buying stuff for the home, so it was an exciting day for me. We finished our long day of shopping at Pappas Burger, and then went to Swirll for some frozen yogurt. I crashed so hard last night, and now I'm just trying to make it a day and a half till my holiday begins!

Tuesday night ritual

Every Tuesday night, I come home, go for a run, shower, and cook dinner. We eat dinner, and then we sit down to watch Eli Stone at 9pm. D and I LOVE Eli Stone. It's one of those shows we started watching on a whim last season, and we both connected with it. It's somewhat rare that D and I agree on television choices (he'd prefer to watch CNBC while I love the trashy, scandalous, horribleness of reality tv). We both look forward to this show, and it has become out Tuesday night ritual to cuddle on the couch and watch it. I like having small things in life that I can count on :).

Last night I decided to work on speeding things up, so I ran my first mile at a pace that was more than 3 minutes faster than normal. Of course, this meant I had to stop and walk for a bit afterwards, but it was good to know I had it in me. I need to work on endurance, but I also need to keep working somewhat on speed. Every once in a while. Occasionally :).

Tonight is more running, dinner, and Top Chef!!!!!!! That is one of those shows D isn't dying to watch with me, but I love, love, love it! Saturday is going to be insanity with a 10 mile run at 6am, volunteering at the Greek festival starting at 10am (come out and join us!!!), and a birthday party for one of D's buddies Saturday night. I'm going to be a limp ragdoll by the end of the evening, but on the upside, next week is a day and a half work week, and then D and I are headed to Frisco to spend Thanksgiving with his family. I love Thanksgiving. Love, love love it :).

Cold weather changes everything

This morning it was probably somewhere around 40ish degrees when I woke up at 5am to meet my group for our 8 mile run. I put on my favorite Nike shorts, Team in Training shirt, and I threw on one of D's big long sleeved shirts for warmth. I honestly thought this would be okay, because it would warm up some as we ran, my body would heat up, and I'd be wishing to shed layers along the way if I dressed too warmly.

Well, I was wrong.

The sun did come out as we were running, and it probably did warm up slightly. However, it stayed pretty darn cold, and not only was it cold, but it was quite windy. The top half of my body was doing alright. It took some getting used to breathing in the cold air, and my nose was running and my eyes were watering, but it was manageable. What was going on in the lower half of my body was much harder to deal with.

Ever since chemo, I've had some problems with circulation. I frequently get numbness in my hands and feet, but it generally goes away pretty quickly as long as I apply some heat. Well, I didn't count on my legs going numb. From my hip flexor down to my knees, my quads were lifeless. It felt like I was running while carrying a ton of dead weight. It was the ODDEST sensation, but it served as a wake up call that cooler conditions mean dressing differently.

Post-run, we had our honored teammate breakfast, and as one of the teammates, I stuck around for a while after my run. It was actually really nice, I got to meet some more of my teammates, tell them a little bit more about me, and it made me all the more committed to what I was doing. D stopped by the breakfast to support me and meet some people, and I introduced him as they guy who doesn't kill me when the alarm goes off at 5am on Saturday mornings :).

After the breakfast, I immediately dragged myself over to Academy to invest in a pair of dryfit running pants. I have so long resisted anything tight, clingy, and long, but I finally realize why people wear them! I am going to be running in January, and I won't make it through 13 miles with dead legs. I also invested in some gloves, since one of the coaches had to loan me hers during the breakfast since my hands had lost all feeling, and a headband that also covers my ears. I think I have covered all the parts of me that tend to freeze up, so hopefully next weekend's run (if it is cold) will be a lot easier.

Not sure what's on the agenda tonight, but I can't seem to make myself leave bed right now. Saturday afternoons have become deliciously lazy. I come home from running, take a bath, put on pajamas, and crawl back into bed. Today I've been watching tv, sometimes I read, and sometimes I fall right back to sleep. I think a nap might be in order next.....

My new obsessions

My new obsessions are happily very economical. I have really gotten into talk radio and podcasts. I listen to 740 ktrh on the way home from work everyday. It's interesting, that station definitely has a conservative slant, and sometimes I'm astounded by the things I hear (yes, that one was for you, Sean Hannity). Mostly I tune in for the Michael Berry show which starts at 5pm, which is generally when I get off of work. He's a conservative, but is willing to take a look at the other side, and I can respect that. He had me in stitches with his FEMA bashing after hurricane Ike. I would definitely put myself in the moderate to liberal category, but I think in order to believe what I believe, I need to know what the other side's take is as well.

Along the same lines of talk radio, I'm really into downloading podcasts for free to listen to while I run. For some reason, they keep me distracted more easily than music. Maybe it's because I can get new ones every day and not deal with any repeats. I've been listening to a bunch of health and nutrition related podcasts. I figure that it doesn't hurt to listen to talk about being healthy while I'm running and trying to be healthy. Extra motivation, I guess.

My day off has been fabulous so far, and I plan to continue on the path of laziness and do-nothingness :).

I got caught!

I'm not really much of a shopper. I like new things, but I hate shopping, so I infrequently get new clothes unless my mother and sister go out shopping and bring me home some goodies.

This trait is a positive one considering D and I are in super saving mode. We want to cut spending and focus on putting money away for our future. In order to accomplish that goal, we have cut back in various ways including bringing our lunch to work, eating out less, enjoying wine nights at home instead of going out, and putting the kibosh on gratuitous shopping. Well..... I got caught this morning. :(

The one store that is my major downfall is Target. It's a store that I frequently enter because I need necessities such as toiletries and groceries, and I sometimes find myself gazing at cute, cheap clothing. A couple of weeks ago I gave into my desires and bought a cute dress that is work appropriate as well as "going out" appropriate for under $30. I thought this was a great deal, so I took it home, hung it in my closet, and conveniently forgot to tell D. :)

Well, this morning I put on my cute dress, thinking he will never notice. Oh, no, he noticed. Somehow my fiance has a photographic memory when it comes to my wardrobe, and he immediately asked me where I got the dress, how long I'd had it, etc. I cracked under the pressure and admitted that I had been..... gulp..... shopping. Luckily, D was cool about it, but I'm back in super saver mode now. Sometimes I forget that I'm combining my life and my finances and I have to think about more than just myself. Just a little self-revelation for the day :).

And things calm down

My organization had our second walk this weekend, and it was crazy and zooey, but it went pretty well. I am quite glad to be done, though, because it means life around here is going to calm down a bit. It also means no more 3:30am wake up calls for a while.

An unfortunate consequence of the walk and being on my feet, running around for 8 hours was some serious tweaking of my back. I have had lower back problems for years, and the problems flair up when I am on my feet for an extended period of time, particularly when I am under stress. My plan yesterday was to go for my long run, but I decided in the interest of not permanently inflicting damage to my body, I would take the day off, rest and recuperate. A day did me good, and while I have some mild pain, I think I am alright for my run this evening.

Friday night my co-workers and I congregated for dinner at my co-worker AS's apartment. She made us a delicious meal of grilled beef in a honey ginger marinade, twice baked sweet potatoes, asparagus, and a pound cake recipe from cooking light. It was awesome, and we went through several bottles of wine. I'm very pleased that we were all able to wake up a mere few hours later and be on the ball at walk :). D and I also found out on Friday that we have been approved for our new apartment! We are going to be moving into a rather swank high rise apartment building. When we began our apartment search, we didn't anticipate it leading us to this kind of place, but we went looking on a whim, and we both fell in love. It is a pretty sweet place with lots of amenities, and we have an incredible 31st floor view. We'll be moving in January, so if you are my friend, expect me to beg for moving help :).

I spent yesterday being lazy. D and I went out for brunch, and then took a look over at Linens and Things. They are going out of business within the next couple of months, so we got a few odds and ends for the new place. I continued with laziness for the rest of the day.

Today is Monday, but we have tomorrow off from work (yay!). So, I'm slowly trying to get back into the groove of things. We are all pretty tired around here, but happy the walk went so well.

Elections, weddings, and running

It's election day! I love it, one because I find it pretty exciting, especially considering what a huge, hyped election this will be, and secondly, because I am so ready for it to be over. Politics has dominated all news coverage over the past year, with the exception of the economy. I think America is tired of hearing it, tired of hearing negative campaigning, and ready for a new leader. I'll be watching election coverage tonight, courtesy of the "liberal elite media". ;) D forgot to change his registration to Houston, so he's actually driving to Austin this afternoon to cast his vote. I find this devotion to the political process very sexy :).

Weddings! My very dear friend, E, just got engaged, and she and I have been chitter chattering about weddings and engaged people stuff all over the place. It's very fun to have a friend going through this with you at the same time. D and I have just started wedding planning, and it's kind of a daunting process. It's also hard to agree on everything. We are trying to keep the numbers down, but with his list and my list alone, the numbers have already exploded. This does not include my parents and his parents. We are going to have to do some major paring down, because weddings are expensive! Wedding dress hunting online is one of my new favorite hobbies. I am not going to officially start looking until I get to the size I would like to be as a bride, which I'm hoping will be in the spring. But, I have a feeling it's going to take a while to find the right dress, so I'm going to start early.

Finally, running! This past Saturday was a 7 mile run, and I would venture to say it was the best run yet. It wasn't perfect, but I do sense my progress. It was dark for most of our run, but since the time change, we should be getting more light on our runs from now on. The only problem was the mosquitoes. Even when it gets a little cooler in Houston, we still have to contend with the humidity. Last night I did my 30 minute Monday run, and it went really well. I was able to complete the whole 30 minutes without too much trouble. Running is still not "easy" and I don't know that it ever will be for me, but it's getting "easier".

Now back to work, and waiting for the end of the day and election night!

Happy Halloween!

It's Halloween again, and this year it falls on a Friday, which is always fun. I remember how hard it was as a little kid to get excited about going out trick-or-treating, and then the letdown of having to go to school the next day. I know a lot of people have wild and crazy Halloween plans involving drunk escapades and skimpy costumes, but my plans are a bit more tame this year. My sister is coming over to my mom's house with her three kids (ages 2, 4, and 6), and Uncle D and I are taking them trick-or-treating while my mom and sister stay behind and prepare dinner, hand out candy, and drink wine. We did this last year, and it was actually SO much fun. I love getting to see how excited the kids get, how cool they think it is that Uncle D is taking them out, and how they carefully filter through their candy, separating the good from the bad, trying to trade with one another, and figuring out how to gorge on as much as they can before their mom takes it away for the night.

Tomorrow morning is another 6am long run (7 miles this Saturday), so that is a small part of my tame Halloween plans. I was forced to miss last weekend's long run because of work, and I'll be forced to miss next weekend's as well. I've gotten back on track with my weekly runs this week, but I still feel like I have a long way to go, and a lot to make up. I'm going to try my hardest to stick with the program as best I can from now till marathon day. Life comes up, but I need to make this a priority. The fundraising has been the easy part for me. People have been so incredibly generous, but I need to remember the commitment that I made to follow through by taking on this challenge and doing more than just asking people for money. I want to be a living example of the good that comes from their donations. Not only am I back in good health, but I'm attempting to get in the best shape of my life, motivated by wanting to do better and be more in my post-cancer life.

I'll turn off those musings for a while. Needless to say, I've been getting down on myself lately for letting myself slack. I just need to keep remembering why I am doing this, and no matter how hard it might seem, it's nothing compared to what I have been through.

Anyway, Sunday is a joint birthday party for nephew Charlie (who just turned 5), and niece Ann-Marie (who turns 3 in November). Uncle D and I have some birthday gift shopping to do. It's tough getting stuff for kids who seem to have every toy known to man. Maybe we'll just end up getting the fun toys we want, and then making excuses to go over there and play with them :).

Sleep Deprived

Honestly, the one week of my brief work career that I really need sleep.... and it's not going so well.

D and I are taking care of my mom's dog since she is out of town for a couple of days. Fine, Lucy is quite adorable, but also very needy. She normally sleeps on my mother's bed, basically on top of her. She craves human contact and gets scared of everything, including the dark. Well, last night she fell asleep downstairs and woke up around 2am. She proceeded to start barking and howling from downstairs in an effort to get someones attention. This woke me from an already restless sleep (I'm dreaming of work). I think both D and I tried to ignore it, until it became unignorable (not a word, but I'm making it one!). I went to the top of the stairs and began yelling at her to come up, which she eventually did, and she finally shut up.

Unfortunately, I was wide awake after that. D fell back to sleep, but I went to the other room with my computer to watch tv online and try to make myself tired again. It did not work. It's now 9:25am, and I have been awake since 2am. Tomorrow morning I'll be up at 6am to set up for our Sunday walk, and Sunday I have to wake up at 3:30am to arrive at 4:45am. Sigh. Sweet, sweet sleep, you will be out of my reach until next week.

I'm doing alright otherwise, the weather is starting to cool down, and it's pretty exciting. It means another mild Texas winter is almost upon us, Halloween is coming up, Thanksgiving after that, and then Christmas! This year D and I are spending Thanksgiving with his family and Christmas with mine, since we are beginning the tradition of flip flopping it every year. And then..... it's going to be time for the half-marathon! It blows my mind that it's so close. I ran for the first time in the chill last night (I can't quite call it cold, but it was chilly). It was an interesting experience. My throat got very dry and slightly pained, so I need to adapt.

It's a busy day in the office, so I'd better get to it!

A weekend on my own

Anyone who knows D and I know that we generally spend most of our time together, especially on weekends, since life can get really busy during the week. However, this weekend he came home on Friday night and said a few of his buddies were planning on driving down to NOLA to gamble, drink, and engage in various other boy behavior. I was invited along, but I had things on my calendar, and plus, I would have been the one girl in the middle of a sausage-fest, which wouldn't have been fun for me, and it probably would have tempered the mood for the gentlemen. So, he took off for a trip without me, and I got to spend the weekend on my own.

Don't get me wrong, I love spending time with D. I planning on marrying him, so clearly I consider him worthy of my time. But it was SOOOOOO nice to be able to do what I wanted without having to take someone else into consideration. Friday night was pretty chill for me, since I was supposed to run 6 miles on Saturday morning. Well, somewhere Friday night, my stomach decided it had different plans for me, so the Saturday morning run didn't happen. I spent the day in bed watching the Sex and the City movie, as well as other girly shows that D won't watch with me, and it was awesome. I rallied enough to go to the Dynamos game Saturday night with a group. It was an awesome game, Dynamos won, and somehow I ended up at the 'quis till 2 am. Ooops!

Sunday morning I slept in, lounged in bed for a while, read a book, watched more tv, and basically vegetated. D returned home Sunday evening with presents for me from NOLA, and it was so good to see him. I rarely get the chance to actually miss him since we are always together, but it's a nice reminder of how much I love this man and enjoy and count on his presence in my life.

This week is going to be insanity. My organization is holding one of their fall walk fundraisers this weekend, so I'm going to be working from today through Halloween without a day off. I get tired just thinking about it, but hopefully everything will go smoothly.

I have lots of other things I have wanted to post about including the Presidential Debates, Sarah Palin on SNL, Mark Wahlberg talking to animals, and my newfound love of Paul Mitchell Skinny Serum, but the saltmines are calling me!

The aftermath

I feel like I have been operating at half speed this week. Last weekend was definitely tough. It was very hard to say goodbye to my yia yia, and it hit me a lot harder than I expected. By the time Saturday night rolled around, I could barely keep my head up, I was so mentally and physically exhausted. I slept for about 12 hours that night, and it was that kind of dreamless sleep. I think I woke up in the same position I had fallen asleep in.

I've been getting back on my running schedule. Note to self: deviating from running schedule means intense pain and suffering when you get back on. These runs that were becoming easier for me in weeks prior have turned into tortuous exercises. It's kind of getting me down, but I keep trying to remind myself that I just have to stick with it, stay on schedule, and it will get better. This weekend we have an 8 mile run, and it's scaring me crapless. I'm trying not to psych myself out, because that just makes things worse, but I'm still terrified. I just don't want to feel like I am failing.

In totally shallow hair news, My hair has gotten to the point where I can straighten it and wear it down without a headband. This feels like a huge victory for me. I'm even able to kind of pull it into the world's tinest ponytail when I run, with the aid of a running headband, and 5,000 bobby pins. Kind of exciting!

My grandmother

My grandmother passed away on Tuesday morning at the age of 94. My yia yia (the word for grandmother in Greek), was an incredible lady who lived a full life, and I cannot believe she is gone.

She was a tiny little lady, but so full of strength. She loved her family, her friends, and her church. She married the love of her life, and spent 63 years with him before he passed away 5 years ago. She traveled the world, moved to a new country and started a life with her family, and embraced everyone she came across. My grandparents were always a stable, consistent presence in my life. When I was a child, sick days were always spent at their home. My yia yia would make me toast with homemade raspberry jam, omelets with feta cheese, and mashed potatoes. I think out of all the things she ever cooked, her mashed potatoes were the only thing that wasn't made from scratch. She used boxed instant mashed potatoes, but even despite that, they were still the best mashed potatoes I ever tasted, and I could never replicate them myself.

My yia yia loved to socialize. Her home was always full of people, whether it be family, out of town visitors, or someone who dropped by to have coffee. She was the consummate hostess, there was always something to be served, always coffee to be brewed, always conversation to be had. She was very involved in the Houston Greek Festival. She was one of the little old ladies who worked behind the scenes to produce the massive amounts of food served at the festival. I am saddened by the fact that I won't ever have my yia yia's tiropitis (cheese puffs) again.

When my yia yia lost my papou (grandfather), she was beyond devastated. She spent the next five years having many conversations with him, even though ht was gone. She was certain that he could hear her. When I got a new car a couple of years ago, my yia yia gave me a picture of my papou to put in the glove compartment because according to her "Papou loved car trips, so he will take them with you."

My yia yia was a woman of great faith. She was a devout attendee of the Greek Orthodox church for most of her life. When I was diagnosed with cancer, she initially became infuriated with God, convinced (according to her) "he made a mistake." However, my yia yia couldn't stay made at God for very long, so she decided to pray my cancer away. She visited the Greek monestary outside of Houston almost weekly, asking for prayers, giving money, getting prayer bracelets. She made phone calls to the church in Greece, she asked for prayers in the church her, and she was certain that she and God were a team, and together they would make my cancer go away. Well, I sit here today cancer-free, so Yia Yia, you did a great job. To this day, my yia yia is the only woman over 90 I've ever seen wearing a Livestrong bracelet, and she wore it almost to her death.

My yia yia always hoped she would live to see one of her grandchildren get married. Unfortunately, that did not happen, but she was so happy when D and I got engaged. She loved him frmo the first moment they met, when he gently kissed her hand, a gesture that went beyond any language barriers that might exist. When she found out about the engagement and saw my ring, she immediately launched into when the wedding would be. We didn't have a date, said maybe sometime next year, and she gave me some of the sagest advice I have ever received: "No one is ever ready to get married, you just do it." I think that is a testament to how sharp her mind remained even though her body failed her.

The night before she passed, the whole family gathered together to say our goodbyes and make our peace. We didn't know when the end would come, but we knew it was soon. My yia yia had taken a turn for the worse, and couldn't really speak. I know she knew we were all there, and I think that gave her the peace she needed to let go. The next morning, with my aunt and my mother by her side, she took her last breath.

I am very sad, but I am also happy that she is no longer in pain. The last year of her life was very difficult because she was in poor health. I would like to think that my yia yia and my papou, the loves of each others lives, are together now, looking over all of us. I hope they are happy, and I know that their memory will live on with us forever.

Power, no power, power, no power

I think I could live without power if I HAD TO. I think I could live without always having tv and computer and stuff at home..... as long as I still had access at work. :) What I cannot live without is air conditioning in the city of Houston in a home that has windows painted shut, and even if they weren't, has no screens to keep out the scores of bugs trying to take up residence with us. Sharing a bed upstairs with a big guy when the temp is 85 degrees inside doesn't lead to a restful nights sleep.

We made the most of our situation. Lots of eating out, lots of drinking red wine outside until it became dark, playing cards, taking baths by candle/flashlight, counting change (yes, we actually counted and rolled tons and tons of change), hanging out with neighbors (one of the best parts of having no power-- new friends who don't have power either!), and talking. We live in a world where we are so distracted by technology that we can forget the simple pleasures of conversation with loved ones.

Well, even though I think I could live without power, I definitely didn't mind when it came back on Saturday afternoon. D and I had taken adorable niece Ann-Marie out to lunch and to play for the afternoon to get out of the sweltering house. We got the phone call around 3pm that the power had returned, and it was awesome, awesome news. D told me that if I chose to be more excited about that announcement than our engagement, it was okay. He would understand.

We celebrated by buying several bottles of champagne and drinking in our air conditioned home. I wish I could have physically hugged my power. I will never take it for granted again. Saturday night, I shot straight up in bed while sleeping, because I had a nightmare the power went out again. I kept looking up to see if the ceiling fan was still spinning, and I was able to release a sigh of relief when I saw it was. Sunday and Monday were spent relishing our once-again pleasant home, doing laundry, cleaning.... all those thing you neglect during a power outage. I was getting used to being back to normal again when tragedy struck.

We lost power on Tuesday afternoon. I literally felt like I had been punched in the gut, dumped, spat on, and then rolled in dirt. I almost cried. I was sure that since we lost it after getting it back, it would be months before it was restored again. They are projecting some people without power now won't get it back until NOVEMBER. Wow. It just felt so cruel to give it back to us for a couple of days and then take it away. Everyone I have spoken to has agreed that is worse than never getting it back at all.

Well, this story has a happy ending. Apparently, the AT&T guys were working on some telephone poles and accidentally knocked out the power to our block. My very..... feisty neighbor saw them out here window and went out to give them a piece of her mind. They assured her it would be fixed before the evening was over, and sure enough, it was. Power, I will never, ever take you for granted, I will love you and hug you, and treat you like the glorious being that you are forever!

So, that's the power situation. I still have some friends without power, and I openly welcome them to use our home to their hearts' content.

So, in running news, our Saturday run went on. We did 5.5 miles, and it was really strange showing up at 6:30am when it was still dark, and having Memorial Park be almost completely dark since power had not been restored to the street lamps. We left the park for our run, and I am excited that I was able to do the first almost 3 miles without stopping. We took a water break, and the rest of the run back was a bit harder for me. I struggle after the first time I walk in a run, and I need to work on that. I am also having terrible lower back pain. It's just on my left side, but it really got to me by the second half of the run. I did a walk/jog, but I did jog more than I walked, which felt good. Next up is 6 miles, and I'm curious to see how I can do. I've been giving my back a few days rest, because the last thing I want is any injury getting in the way of me completing this event!

Fundraising has been going awesome, so many thanks to everyone that has donated, and much time is left for anyone who still wants to!

My City

My city has been battered and bruised. Hurricane Ike made it's way through the Texas Gulf Coast and has left its citizens to deal with the destruction left in it's wake.

In a lot of respects, we here in Houston are lucky. It could have been a lot worse. Galveston was not so lucky. It is going to be a long time before they are able to get that city up and running again. Flooding, wind damage, fire..... all of those things destroyed an island that is a second home to many Houstoneans, a first home to lots of people, and a special place for even more.

Driving around Houston, you can see the signs that the hurricane went through here. Downed power lines, torn up billboards, uprooted trees, destroyed fences, blown out windows, business closed and boarded up, hours long lines at the gas stations that are open.... it's almost eery that a city that is so alive and bustling all the time is operating at half speed.

I miss power. Pretending to be like our pioneering ancestors was fun for about the first 5 minutes, and then you realize all that you don't have when you don't have power. No fridge, no stove, no oven, no washing machine, no television, no internet, no dvd players, no lights, no AIR CONDITIONING. However, we do have running water, and we do have a home, so all in all I consider us lucky. D and I played cards by candlelight last night. We may be doing that for up to a month, depending on when power is restored.

Please keep Houston, Galveston, and all the communities devastated by Hurricane Ike in your thoughts and prayers. It is going to take some time to get back up on our feet, but we have a strong community down here, and we'll make it happen.

Hurricane Ike is Coming

So, the only thing on anyone's minds, from Houstoneans to the media, is Hurricane Ike. The good news is that it provides a happy distraction from the insane over-coverage of Sarah Palin. The bad news is that it is coming straight for my city, and the media keeps tossing around terms like "certain death". Granted, the "certain death" is meant for those who are staying in Galveston, but it still terrifies me.

I almost feel ashamed for admitting this, but D and I evacuated yesterday. We left Houston yesterday afternoon and came to his parents house just north of Dallas. I was afraid for the kind of gridlock that Hurricane Rita brought (it took my mother and sister 15 hours to get to Conroe, a normally 45 minute trip), but it wasn't so bad. It took us two hours to get past Conroe, but after that, with a few exceptions, traffic was flowing pretty well. It only took us about an extra 2 hours to make the trip, which was considerably better than I had anticipated.

My entire family and most of my friends stayed behind, and that terrifies me. I think they will be alright, but it has been a long time since a storm of this strength has been on a path for a direct hit of Houston. The idea of 100 mph winds in my neighborhood makes me sick. My mom and my sister have plenty of water and non perishable food, but I am still scared!

Please keep Houston in your thoughts and prayers, there is no dodging this bullet, but we are hoping for the best case scenario.

Stand up to Cancer

I am really, really disappointed that I didn't get to see Stand up to Cancer on Friday night. I had to attend a work event that I organized, and unfortunately, we don't have Tivo at home. However, I have read about the event and the incredible amount of money they have raised, and I am excited and proud. There isn't a lot to be excited about when you get cancer, but I am proud to be a part of a community that is so strong and so determined to give back. Being a member of the cancer club is not a membership that people want, but it creates a bond between its members that people on the outside can't quite understand.

I am proud to be a survivor. I am proud that I am doing something to ensure that we cut off membership from this club. For a couple months, Stand up to Cancer was airing a commercial prior to movies in the theater featuring celebrities literally standing up while an Eddie Vedder song played in the background and Sidney Poitier narrated. Every single freakin time that commercial aired, I found myself getting incredibly choked up... but also moved. Moved that so many as as determined as I am to put an end to this horrible epidemic.

Saturday morning was a run out at Memorial, but prior to the run, it was time for me to introduce myself to the group. I am an honored teammate this season for Team Memorial, which means I kind of serve as living proof of why people are out there. I don't think many people knew at that point that I was the girl whose bio page on the Team in Training website talked about her cancer story. I think most people just thought I was another runner out there. Next weekend is the honored teammate breakfast which I am unable to attend, so I wanted to say hello and thank everyone for getting involved. As I stood on a picnic table and looked out into the crowd of about 50 or so faces, I started getting choked up again. My voice was very shaky as I addressed the crowd, but I didn't cry. I told them a little bit about my cancer story, how I got involved with Team in Training, and I said thank you to everyone. I shudder to think of how I sounded, of how my voice must have squeaked, but I hope I gave people a little more motivation/inspiration? I don't know, I'll do anything to get people as excited as I am about finding a better, faster, more efficient cure for blood cancer!

Saturdays run was 4 miles, and it was awesome. Awesome weather, and something just "clicked". Definitely my best run yet. D and I hopped to Frisco after that, went to a Beach Boys concert with his folks on Saturday night, and then celebrated his mom's birthday party on Sunday evening. Needless to say, we didn't make it home until very late last night, and I am very tired today, but it was a good weekend. Very good weekend.

Headed to F-Town

D and I are headed to Frisco, TX this weekend for his mother's 60th birthday. His dad knows we are coming, but his mom doesn't, so hopefully it will be a happy birthday surprise for her. D's dad is throwing her a party on Sunday afternoon, so I'm sure every single one of their friends will bombard us with questions about when we are getting married. It seems to be a popular theme lately.

I have a 4 mile run tomorrow morning before we can hit the road. Running is still certainly NOT easy for me.... but I am getting better. Kelsey and I were able to run for 25 minutes on Tuesday night. That might not sound awesome to anyone who actually runs, but it was HUGE for the two of us. I was kind of hoping the Rocky soundtrack would start blaring after we'd finished, and we could pump our fists and jump up and down. Oh wait, we could hardly breathe, so maybe it would have been more like collapsing on the ground gasping.

Wednesday night was our track night at Memorial. The purpose is to help us with speed. Sometimes I think I should be working on going further rather than going faster, but it's only one night a week, and I figure it's something different to keep it interesting. Fast is something I'm definitely not right now.... but I think I might be getting a little faster? Day by day? That's how I've got to take this event!

I got my race packet in the mail yesterday for a Komen 5K in October. I figured it would be good to see what an official "race" is like, and it's a good cause. In my spare time, when I'm not curing blood cancers, I like to focus on the other cancers as well :).

So..... keep up the donations, and I'll keep up the running! :)

Relationships

Relationships are tricky. Whether they be relationships with your significant other, relationships with friends, relationships with family.... there is no such thing as a simple relationship. At least when you are discussing relationships you care about.

The good news is that my relationship with D is stronger than ever. I think that once you make the decision to spend your life with someone, and plans for the future become more real, it solidifies the bond between two people. We are solid, and it's an amazing feeling. We spent a lot of the weekend just talking with one another, discussing our hopes and dreams and desires for the future.

Other relationships.... are troubled. I have faith that bridges will heal, but it will take time.

Gosh, that all sounds kind of cryptic :).

In less serious news, I went to IKEA for the first time this weekend. Apparently D and I, along with half of Houston, decided that this was the place to be over labor day weekend. We are looking for furniture, since we will be moving within the next few months, and while law school furniture is awesome and all, we'd like something new. Sadly, furniture is expensive as hell, so IKEA it was! We sifted through a lot of stuff we didn't like, but ended up finding a whole living room worth of furniture that we did like. No purchases on this trip, but we took pictures, and it's in our minds for when we make the jump to a new place.

We also went to the Dynamos game on Sunday night with a group, and it was very fun. Probably a few too many drinks, but it was a merry good time. Soccer games are pretty fun to watch.

Today I am battling with the two sides of my brain. One is telling me to go indulge in some wings for lunch, the other prompting me to eat well. I have actually shed a few pounds, so it would be nice to continue the trend....

Blasted Wings and Things across the street from my office!!!!!

Wild Wedding Weekend

Samantha and Joe got married this weekend in a lavish and beautiful wedding. Samantha and I have been friends since freshman year of high school, and I am so happy that I could be a part of her special day. The weekend started on Thursday night with a couples shower, then went into Friday night with the rehearsal and dinner, and finally, Saturday arrived.

The reception was awesome. Open bar, excellent food, and a totally awesome band. Seriously, I think I found the band I want for my wedding. They played all the songs that everyone knows and loves, they had this amazing energy, and the lead singer's name was "Shang" and he had a rat tail/jerry curl. I'm not exactly sure which one it was, but it was awesome.

And.... D agrees with me! He liked the band too! We made a joint decision! Now, we may not have a date, location, budget, or anything else, but we found a band we love. This band was so good that after several glasses of champagne, D even came out on the dance floor. That is practically unprecedented. I wish I had it on film. No one will ever believe me. He denies it ever happened :).

The night ended with several old friends congregating at Lizzard's pub for old times sake. Nell even pulled out high school pictures, and we all went back.... back in time, back to our beginnings :).

The low down

This post doesn't have any particular focus, it's more of a catch up of what I have been up to.

The only real downer about doing Team in Training is that my Friday nights have to be fairly tame. Enough sleep and no hangover makes for a better Saturday morning run. Last Friday night, D and I went to Mixers and Elixers at the Museum of Natural Science. I had a couple of cocktails, browsed the gem vault, checked out the geosphere, and we caught the Grand Canyon movie on IMAX. It was very fun, and we got home around 10ish. Well, D ended up going out with some friends, and while that didn't bother me.... I just wanted to go out too. :). It's somewhat of a foreign concept to me to not go out drinking with a group when there is a group drinking.

However, I thanked myself on Saturday morning when I went to Memorial Park. We are currently meeting at 7am, but it will change to 6am once we increase our running distances. The run itself was pretty rough, I wasn't feeling as good as I had the previous week, but I somehow managed to cut 4 minutes off my time. I consider that I small victory.

I spent much of the rest of Saturday alternately napping and watching Olympics. D and I went out Saturday night with a big group for El Tiempo, and then we went back to Erin and Stephen's to watch more Olympics and drink. I so, so, so love American swimmers. And not just Michael Phelps. He's great, but there are a few others that I have even greater affection for (Aaron Piersol, Ryan Lochte, Jason Lezak, MWAH).

Sunday was spent running errands and being lazy. We saw Tropic Thunder, which was an awful, awful movie. Controversy aside, I don't understand the critical acclaim the movie has received. In no way, shape, or form was it funny, and Jack Black's character makes you want to tear out part of the movie screen just so you don't have to watch his train wreck of a performance. Just my two cents.

Tonight is my first TNT track night, which helps us work on speed, breathing, and the other stuff besides just distance. I look forward to it, only because I have accepted that I suck, and I need all the help I can get :). But the good news is that I am out there doing it, I am sticking with the program, I have been doing every run according to the training schedule on my own, and I feel kind of proud of myself. This is such a huge endeavour for me, I've NEVER been a runner.

Tonight the friends also come in town!!!!!! Samantha is getting married this weekend, so she, Nell, Chacko, and I will all be reunited for the next few nights to participate in wedding related extravaganzas. I am very excited to see them all, spend time with them, and have a fabulously tipsy reunion.

I adore my friends!

I'm (almost) a runner!

So, this past Saturday marked my first official training with Team in Training. It was so cool to see how many people are supporting the cause and raising money! Now, over the past month or so, I have started doing interval training-- the walk/run approach to begin becoming a runner.

Mind you, calling what I am doing "running" is really overstating it. I'm jogging. I'm jogging incredibly slowly. I can power walk faster than I can job. But, all those things aside, I have made some progress, and while I still can't run a whole three miles without walking, I can run MORE than I walk, and I can run for longer intervals than I could when I started.

It was SO hot and humid during the run, but luckily a girl I went to college with has signed up with Team in Training also. She and I are about on the same level, so we jogged together, and I think having someone there helped me to push myself a little further. I am in the slowest running group (I run about a 14 minute mile right now), but the point is that I am out there doing it!!! I hope speed will happen a little later on as I get better with the endurance part of it, but regardless of whether I have to run, walk, or crawl, I am going to be crossing that finish line.

Besides, I have all those Olympic athletes on tv right now to encourage me. Have you seen their abs???? I'm training for 2012, baby!

It was a pretty good trip :)

Chicago was amazing, fantastic, best trip ever...... I celebrated my birthday... and made some plans for the future.

An August 4, 2008, my 26th birthday, the man I love got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. Of COURSE I said yes. It was a magical, romantic, and wonderful proposal, one that caught me totally off guard. Want the full story? Travel back in time with me, to one month ago......

Ok, so if you read my blog, you know that for D's 30th birthday, I surprised him with a trip to Chicago and tickets to three games at Wrigley. He loved the present, and I guess felt like he had to top me for my birthday. Anyway, apparently the idea of proposing had been spinning in his head for a while, so he just needed to figure out the right way to do it.

Enter the Cubs. They came in town for a three game series against the Astros in July. D sent me off to go get us some beers, and he proceeded to go down and catch the attention of the Cubs general manager. He explained that he wanted to propose, that we were going to be in Chicago, and the guy gave D his card and told him to give his office a call.

In the meantime, I remained oblivious while D picked out a ring and got us ready and set for the trip. The week before the trip, D told me that he had purchased us tickets for a tour of Wrigley field that happened to be on my birthday. I agreed, thought it could be cool, but was a little insulted that he was referring to it as my birthday gift. D also confessed to me that he had been so busy at work and so overwhelmed by trying to match my gift, that he hadn't gotten me anything, and he would buy me something I liked in Chicago. I was kind of hurt by this, I felt like he didn't care enough to do something, but I let it slide.

So, we travel to Chicago, and our first two days there are amazing. However, every time we pass by a store, D asked me if I saw anything I liked. He purchased me some small items like t-shirts and other souvenirs, and he kept asking me if he had "bought enough". I just gave up on the idea of a real birthday gift, and I threw myself into enjoying the trip.

On Monday, we woke up to yucky, rainy weather, which apparently caused D anxiety. The rain stopped in the afternoon though, just in time for our tour. We showed up for this tour of Wrigley, and I went to stand in the line that had formed while D went to pick up the tickets. He went to the will call window, but ended up having to go inside to the administrative offices. He came back out with a story about how they had a record of his tickets, but they didn't print them. I just believed what he said, even though it seemed weird. Turns out our whole tour was comped by the Cubs because of the special ending.....

Anyway, so the tour as quite interesting, but it was very hot and humid, since it had been raining all morning. D suggested bagging out on the tour a couple times to go across the street to an air conditioned bar. Turns out this was him just trying to lead me further astray. The tour ended down by the field, and at the end of the tour, people are supposed to be able to go down onto the field to take pictures. Only problem for our tour is that the players had already started warming up for the game that night, so they weren't letting people out there. This too caused D great anxiety, as it was about to ruin his plans.

I was in a totally oblivious state, taking pictures of the players, while D was getting the attention of someone on the field, and trying to explain without letting me know that we needed to get down there. They called the GM's office to make sure D was who he said he was, and eventually led us down on the field. We handed off the camera to a staff member, and we posed for a picture. I grabbed my bag to leave the field, when I turned and saw D drop to one knee and pull a box out of his pocket. He opened the box revealing the most beautiful ring I have ever seen. he then asked me to marry him.

I. was. a. mess. I was crying and laughing and shaking and squealing all at the same time. I think at some point I actually said "yes", but my actions gave away my answer. We hugged and kissed and celebrated right there, 10 feet away from the Cubs who were warming up. It was pretty cool.

We went and had a celebratory beer and called out families, and then returned for that night's game. The flashed a "Congratulations" and out names across the scoreboard, which was very cool. The game ended up getting rained out in the fifth inning due to incredibly severe rain, lightening, and tornadoes, but we just played in the rain and had an awesome time.

I'm still flying so high right now. I'm getting married!!!!!!!!!

Off to Chi-town!

I'm off to the Windy City for 5 fabulous days of vacation. Baseball, beer, food, museums, Second City, fancy hotel.... I can't wait. You won't hear from me until after I return, but hopefully I will have fun stories to share.

I'm in desperate need of vacation. Maybe my jaw will unclench. :)

I'll also be celebrating my 26th birthday on Monday. Happy birthday to me! If you want to get me a gift, make a donation to my run!!!!!

http://pages.teamintraining.org/txg/houston09/klilienstern

See y'all next week!

One minute

I have recently learned that a single minute can seem like the longest time period EVER. When there is one minute left in the day at work, I anxiously sit on my hands, waiting for the clock to strike 5. It literally seems as though it is going to be 4:59 forever, and I will be stuck in the office permanently, when all I can think about is going home, playing with the dog, eating dinner, running, and spending time with D.

One minute seems interminable when I am running. I'm doing an interval training program where I increase the time I am running and decrease the time I am walking each week. The last minute of my last run feel like it will never end. I feel like my body can't go one more step, like I want to fall down, curl into the fetal position, and die.

I was reminded again yesterday how long one minute can seem when it is your last minute in the cat scan machine. After several minutes of having to lay perfectly still, as soon as you know you are in the last minute, you get overrun by a sense of claustrophobia, you feel like the circular walls are closing in on you, you feel like screaming to let you out.

One minute. One tiny minute can seem so friggin long.

I prefer steak to liquid barium

Last night's Fleming's dinner was incredible. Wedge salad, medium rare steak oscar (with lump crabmeat and Bearnaise), chipotle mac n cheese, blue cheese mashed potatoes, grilled asparagus, molten chocolate cake, and cheesecake. I know, totally contrary to my weight loss goals, but hellllllllaaaaaaa good. I wish I didn't love food so much. I wish I were happy munching on celery instead of steak. I wish I didn't crave cheese, meat, bread, chocolate.... oh well. I guess it's everything in moderation, although moderation seems to be my problem!

But the night was lovely, and I enjoyed some quality time with my mom and D.

Tomorrow's cuisine isn't nearly as delectable. Tomorrow is MD Anderson day. I go in every 3 months for a series of tests to make sure my cancer hasn't returned. I usually walk around feeling like a bad-ass cancer survivor, but those days make me feel vulnerable, scared, and sick all over again. I'll be poked and prodded and made to feel like a patient number as opposed to a human being. That's not to knock the staff over there, they are really great, but they are so used to dealing with cancer patients, I think it becomes routine after a while.

The worst part is the catscan. I have to fast for several hours before the scan, and then I get to drink liquid barium in three LARGE doses over an hour and a half right before the scan. MMMM MMMM!!!! In case anyone was wondering, liquid barium at MD Anderson comes in three fruity, fun flavors! Berry, Banana, and Apple. The first time I had to have a scan right after I was diagnosed, I asked what the most popular flavor was, and the nurse said it was berry. Ever since then, I have been a berry barium kind of girl. I gag sitting here thinking of banana barium.

My catscan also involves an iodine contrast. That means they put an IV in my arm, and at hook my up to a machine that dispenses a shot of iodine at some point during the scan. If you haven't ever had an iodine contrast, it's the weirdest feeling. It makes your body feel like it's on fire. The sensation starts in your chest and moves all the way down to your toes. It also makes you feel like you need to urinate, which is awesome considering you are supposed to be sitting still and not moving.

There are other aspects to the scan which I won't go into detail about, but suffice it to say, it's not my favorite thing ever.

However, if these scans keep coming back to tell me that I am cancer-free, I'll have them every week. I just keep trying to remind myself this is one step closer to being declared "cured" (5 years from now!).

So, tomorrow night after barium-fest, I plan on indulging in something greasy that I don't prepare myself. Sigh. Thwarting my weight loss attempts again! Oh well, maybe God meant for me to be a substantial woman. :)

T-Minus 5 days to vacation!!!!

I know it's Monday, I know I am supposed to be grumbly about returning to work after a long weekend.... but I am so psyched for our vacation to Chicago, that I don't care! D and I leave on Saturday morning for 5 blissful, wonderful, awesome days of vacation. It is my first real vacation since before cancer, so I am bouncing off the walls with excitement.

The weekend was pretty great. Friday night I met up with Erin and her cousin Kate (who incidentally is from Chicago, and responsible for helping me with many planning aspects of the trip) for margarita happy hour. As the night progressed, we met up with more people, returned to Erin and Stephen's house, and I played my first game of beer pong ever. I know, I went to Rice, how in the world have I not played beer pong before? I think beer pong is a dirty, dirty game. I mean, you bounce ping pong balls across a dirty plank of wood, and if you miss, they land on the floor or in a bush or some other equally yucky location. Have you ever taken a look at the water cup you dip the ball in at the end of a game? It's gray and murky. Disgusting!

However, I managed to put my feelings aside and play. I honestly don't remember if we won or lost, which probably means I was 14 sheets to the wind, and I didn't care. Luckily, sober boyfriend came to the rescue to drive us home.

I spent Saturday morning helping to pick up the last of my grandmother's things from her house and move them into storage. And then..... Nell came to town!!!!!!! Nell has been one of my fabulous best friends for over a decade now. She is getting married in a couple months, so she came in town to deal with some wedding details. She spent the night at my house and we went to dinner with Libby and her new boyfriend, and then hit up the 'Quis.

I am way too old for the Marquis. But every once in a while, with the right group of people, it can be fun.

Sunday was another awesome episode of Sunday Funday featuring water balloons. Yaaaaayyyyy water balloons. (sarcastic snicker) I'm just glad young kids don't have better aim.

Tonight my mom is taking D and I out to dinner for an early celebration of my birthday since she will be leaving town on Wednesday, and we are leaving for Chicago before she returns. I turn 26 one week from today! My sister asked me yesterday if I still got excited about birthdays, and I gave her a big "hell yeah!". I will for the rest of my life be grateful for every birthday I get to have, every experience I have along the way, and every candle I get to blow out.

And I will enjoy every single delicious bite of steak tonight at Fleming's. :)

STOP COMPLAINING!!!!!

I am the first to admit that I can suffer from whiner-itiss. I'll whine to friends, wondering when the day will end, why Houston drivers are so dumb, why can't I have the body of a supermodel while eating wings and drinking beer.... I get it. Everyone whines, everyone has some moments of "why me".

What I CANNOT stand are people who complain constantly, who bemoan the state of their lives, who constantly proclaim their negativity and problems from the rooftops. I am so sick of people seeking sympathy by rehashing every miserable detail of their lives, instead of throwing that energy into trying to change their lives.

I thought a lot about this when I was writing my fundraising letter. I did not want to focus too much on what cancer was like for me, because frankly, I didn't want to bring people down in what was supposed to be an uplifting letter. I think I managed to strike the appropriate balance of heart-string pulling and positivity (at least I hope I did).

There are some people in my life who feel the need to complain and be negative about everything, no matter how good they might have it. I am so sick of these people, and maybe I just need to extricate them from my life.

Since I choose not to be too specific, I'll just post a general message to everyone: Please, please take a moment and look at all the good, happy, wonderful things in your life. Please focus on the positive instead of the negative. Please find a way to make the most out of your God given skills and talents, and don't focus on what you cannot do. The world will be a better, happier place for it.

Although, I do realize the irony of my complaining about people complaining, I think it served a good purpose, and now I'm going to go think about happier things, like a nice weekend full of fun stuff. :)

I really, really love baseball

I haven't always loved baseball, but it is far and away my favorite sport now. I thought it was boring and slow as a kid, but since I've gotten older and given it a chance, I'm turned into a major baseball face.

D loves baseball even more than I do, so we watch a lot of the sport. This past weekend, the Cubs were in town, and we went to both the Friday and Saturday night games. His folks came in town for the Saturday game, so we were four baseball fans spending a day at the ball park. Very cool.

This morning I had the opportunity to attend a commercial shoot advertising my nonprofit's fall walk to cure the disease. We have a partnership with the Houston Texans, and we got Mario Williams as our spokesperson this year. I'm not a huge football fan, but Mario Williams will forever be the guy that took Vince Young's spot in Houston in my eyes. However, I find it very cool that he is willing to be our spokesman, and he is apparently quite good. He came out this morning all suited up, and he was very sweet to the 10 kids we recruited to be in the commercial. The kids were extremely adorable, and they were excited to be a part of it. The funny thing was that Toro, the Texans mascot, was also present and in the commercial. Some of the younger kids didn't have a clue who Mario Williams was, so they ignored him and showered all their attention on Toro. Not that they knew who Toro was, but I bet he definitely seems cooler than a real person to a kid.

All in all, a pretty interesting day!

Time to fundraise!

I spent this weekend sending out my fundraising letter, and I am so gratified by the donations already starting to roll in. I am so inspired by the generosity I am already witnessing from people. It means so much knowing that people really support what I am doing. My goal is to raise at least $4,000, but I'd like to go beyond that. I feel a certain sense of responsibility as a cancer survivor to help prevent future generations of people from having to endure what I went through. The way I see it, thousands of people have run and raised money for LLS in the past. What if the drugs that sent me into remission were developed from those dollars? What if I am alive today because someone decided to step up and do something to stop cancer? What if I can now be that person for someone in the future???

I have never been so motivated in my life to achieve something. I am scared to death of the running part, but I know there is something deeper driving me. I know I am going to do it. I just know it.

In case any of you all missed my fundraising email, overlooked the link on facebook, and have essentially been hiding under a rock as I have been blabbering about it all over the place, here is the link to my webpage in the event you would like to make a donation: http://pages.teamintraining.org/txg/houston09/klilienstern

Going through this process has really brought up some emotions that I have buried just beneath the surface about all the cancer stuff. I boggles my mind that a year ago I was sick. I wish I could find words to describe what it is like to wake up every morning wondering if you are going to be able to beat the disease inside of you or if it is going to win. It's so scary to be 24 or 25 years old and have to seriously think about your mortality. As I said in my last post, I'm able to objectively talk about my cancer today, but it doesn't take digging too far to really stir up some emotions.

Alright, serious stuff over.

Just be aware, friends, that in upcoming months, I'll be trying to take your money :). I love you all for supporting me!!!

I'm going to cure cancer!!!!!

I went to my Team in Training informational meeting last night, and I feel like I have been walking (or running) on air ever since. It was so completely inspiring, it just made me so excited about this journey I have decided to embark upon.

The meeting was small, only about 15 or so people, but they had TNT staff there, all of whom have participated in different TNT events and raised money for the cause, and they also have someone who is an "honored teammate". Each running group (I will be a member of the Memorial Park running group) has a couple of honored teammates. They are people who are currently going through cancer treatment. I feel like I met a kindred spirit last night in one of the honored teammates, a girl named Daphne. I walked in last night, and I could immediately tell she was a cancer patient because of her shaved head. She introduced herself, and asked me how I heard about TNT/decided to get involved. I told her I was a recent cancer survivor, and I decided to get involved after seeing how cool it was watching my sister and cousin run and raise funds for LLS last year. Well, that just got us off and running, talking about oncologists, losing hair, being a young cancer patient (she is 20, diagnosed with non-Hodgkin's lymphoma last December). We chatted right up until the meeting started, and she was so inspirational to me. Sometimes I get far enough away from my treatment that I forget the horror of actually having to go through it, how tough it is on your body, how awful it is to lose your hair, how different it makes you feel from everyone else.

During the meeting they discussed the different events that they train people for, the fundraising process, and they showed a video about team in training which really pumped me up. They featured testimonials about the coaches they provide you with, the feeling of going from zero to marathoner in a few months, the awesome feeling of being a cancer survivor and proving to yourself that you can do something like this.... I almost broke down in tears about 30 times. I can talk about my cancer pretty objectively now, but you don't have to go too far under my skin to find my emotions.

I know the video is made to suck people in, but I have my own real life testimonials from Sue and Dana (sister and cousin) about how awesome the experience was. I attended their marathon last January, and I saw how everyone wearing a purple TNT shirt recognized you as someone who was rooting for them. It was an awesome feeling of a community united by a common cause, and it is something I want to be a part of.

So, I'm officially registered, and within a couple of days, they will email me the tools to set up my fundraising website. So, friends and family, watch out, because I'm coming after your money!!!

For the last time.... I'll tell you when I AM engaged!!!

Dear everyone,

I am not engaged. I am in a serious relationship with marriage in my future, but I am not officially engaged yet. I do wear a "promise" ring on my left finger, but it doesn't mean that I am planning my wedding. Trust me, when the time comes, you will know.

Love, Kelli

Seriously, I get asked this question more frequently than any other. I think once a couple in their mid twenties and beyond has been in a serious relationship for over 6 months, people start swarming them, posing the marriage question, asking when babies are coming, wondering what city they will retire in. World, please! Slow down! Relax!

I love D with all my heart, and he loves me too. But we spent the past year dealing with some pretty heavy crap, and now we are taking time to enjoy our relationship without it revolving around cancer. There are some people in my life that the first thing they ask me every time I see them is "When are you getting married?" Please don't ask me this question. If I am happy with the state of my relationship, you should be happy too.

Some of the worst offenders are members of our own families. Apparently, over the 4th of July, D was grilled individually and collectively by his parents about when he would be proposing. Hey, note to world: guys aren't really into pressure. Lay off! The other night my elderly grandmother told me she wants me to get married before she dies. Suuurrreeeeeee, THAT doesn't make me feel any guilt!

Forgive me if I sound frustrated, but I am. I've never been in a happier place with my relationship, my life, my job, my friends.... but people seem to think something must be lacking if I don't have a (bigger) ring on my finger.

So, for now, please let us exist in a sinful peace, let us live together, have fun, and we'll get back to you when we have plans.

Sunblock Application Lessons

I could really use one of those. Even after almost 26 years, I still haven't managed to master the finer points of sunblock application.

This weekend was river floating in New Braunfels, and it was awesome. I had been a river floating virgin, but now I wish I could go every weekend. The weather was perfect, I felt relaxed, the beer stayed cold.... it was just an ideal way to spend a weekend.

I'm a little lobsterish today, though. I am totally loving those new spray on sunscreens, but I missed a few spots. It leaves me with some very random circles of red around my body, which is mildly uncomfortable. I'm lucky enough to be blessed with olive skin, so the red will soon turn to tan..... but then I'll be left with weird tan lines. Oh well, I consider it a small sacrifice to the river floating Gods :).

I think the weekend was a success, we gossiped, talked about the wedding, ate penis cake, and drank lots. Sleep was something I didn't do a lot of, so I'm now starting my Monday under the weather.

Tomorrow night is my Team in training informational meeting, and I'm so excited. I think it's going to be really motivating and get me even more excited about running. Running is still seeming pretty daunting right now, but I've started my training, and while it's going to be a gradual process, I'm ready for the challenge.

Penis slap

It's bachelorette party time! I'm leaving tomorrow for New Braunfels to celebrate Maggie's impending marriage. And despite what my title may indicate, I'm hoping to get out of the weekend WITHOUT a random penis slap in the face. (memories of Katie Coleman's 23rd birthday are haunting me).

I'm ready for a weekend of floating the river, hanging out by the pool, and drinking beer in the sun. Here's hoping the weather cooperates with us.

Sick :(

As today has gone on, I'm feeling worse and worse. I've had a bit of a sore throat for the past couple days, and last night I started feeling a little nauseated. I had trouble sleeping to the point where I left our room and went to the guest room so that I wouldn't keep D awake as I tossed and turned.

I came into work this morning feeling a little better, but maybe the lack of sleep just served to make me more run down.

I'm hoping that a warm bath and a good night's sleep will help.... I need to be in top form, as I'm going away this weekend for Maggie's bachelorette party. Sine I introduced the happy couple, I feel my attendance is important :).

In happier news, I am finally starting to tell how much my hair has grown, even though it still has a long way to go to get back to where it was. It's kind of doing a cute, flippy thing now.... it looks softer and more feminine. I guess I looked a little edgy and modern when it was shorter, but let's be honest, edgy and modern isn't really my style.

I also started my running training last night, and I huffed and puffed through my day one program, but I did it. Today is luckily a day of rest, and I'm back to it tomorrow!

Happy birthday, Boyfriend.... and Uncle Sam

It has been a seriously great past few days. From D's birthday to a relaxing 4th of July weekend, I've thoroughly enjoyed myself.

Let's rewind to the night before D's birthday, the night of the special birthday dinner. It turned out great! My menu was:

Appetizers: Crab Stuffed mushrooms and fresh sliced mozzarella
Entree: Pan fried salmon in grape seed oil and scallops in lemon butter sauce
Sides: Asparagus bundles wrapped in prosciutto and roasted garlic mashed potatoes
Desserts: Krispy Kreme bread pudding and chocolate covered strawberries

It might have been my finest moment in the kitchen ever. Anyway, D came home from work, and I had appetizers ready. He had kind of a rough day at the office, so it took him a little bit of time to unwind. When he was finally in a position to be showered with surprises and affection, I decided it was present time.

My first part of the gift to him was 3 items wrapped up. Let me preface all this with the one thing I know to be true in life more than anything else: He loves the Chicago Cubs quite possibly more than anything except me (I hope!). He watches almost every single game, he has a subscription to mlb.com to watch them online when they don't air on tv, and we often schedule things around when the Cubs play.

So, the first present he opened was a Cubs jersey with his favorite player, Kerry Wood's, number on it. Ok, great present number one. His second gift was this retro Cubs t-shirt that I thought was very cool, and he did too. Alright, second gift, good! The third present was a smaller version of the t-shirt I gave him, which caused a bit of confusion. That t-shirt was for me. D is always getting on my case about wanting me to wear a Cubs t-shirt to a game when they come to town, so I decided the next Cubs game we saw, I would wear a Cubs shirt for him. Nice gift number 3.

So, he was very pleased with his presents, and he thought that was where the surprises ended. Boy, was he wrong.

After D opened the first three gifts and thanked me, I told him I thought there might be one more gift. I went and got a large envelope, and I pulled a smaller envelope out. He opened it, and it was 3 sets of Cubs tickets. Danny started to thank me, but tell me I shouldn't have bought Cubs/Astros tickets that far in advance, his firm could probably give us their tickets at Minute Maid. I told him to look more closely at what park the tickets were for, and he realized the tickets were at Wrigley Field instead of Minute Maid, and D proceeded to get more confused then I had ever seen him. He slowly began piecing things together as I started pulling out other pieces of paper, like airfare to Chicago, hotel reservations, confirmations for dinner reservations, tickets to Second City..... we are going to Chicago!!!!!!

I have never seen D go speechless. And then get SO excited. Going to Chicago, seeing the Cubs at Wrigley field, taking a vacation.... he loved the gift. And I loved giving it to him. 30 is a big birthday, and I wanted to do something very special, and I think I succeeded.

Anyway, the rest of the night was lovely, and filled with talk of our upcoming trip (we are going August 2). I even talked to his boss in advance to make sure he could get the time off. I'm kind of proud of myself for putting this all together AND actually keeping it a secret!!!

Anyway, July 3 was D's actual birthday, and we drove up to Frisco, TX to visit his family for the long weekend. His folks live on an awesome lot overlooking a whole lot of land and a lake. It's a great place to get away from the city and be in a relaxing environment. Their community has a very nice amenities center with an awesome pool, and so it had the makings of an idyllic weekend.

We went out to dinner on Thursday night with his folks and one set of grandparents. We came home, and played hours of darts in their garage with his mom and dad, which was very fun. D and I spent the 4th of July running around, grilling out with his parents, and watching about 7 different fireworks shows from their back patio. It was the perfect place to watch the shows.

Yesterday we all went up to Lake Lewisville as part of D's birthday gift, and his parents rented wave runners. D and I shared one, and we had a blast. I had never been on one before, so of course he felt the need to terrify me on choppy water at 50 mph, but after I got used to it, I gave into my need for speed :). I got to drive as well, and it was awesome. We drove to Fort Worth last night to visit the other set of grandparents, as well as his uncle, aunt, and baby cousin. Babies make my heart melt, I can tell I already have baby fever.

D and his dad are out golfing this morning, and after lunch with everyone, we'll head back to Houston and the real world. I'm not ready for this vacation to be over, but it has definitely been the relaxing getaway that we have both needed.... and the next one is just around the corner!!!